my Anxiety story - to help others, you’re not alone!
Posted , 3 users are following.
So I have crippling anxiety & have for as long as I can remember, I thought I would share some of my experiences so that other people who also really struggle with their anxiety know they are absolutely not alone and know that other people are fighting battles daily.
Christmas is always a rough time for me, lots of people in small spaces and expectations to be ‘having fun’ drinking alcohol whilst visiting family and engaging in all of the family games and traditions. But the last week has really tipped me nearly over the edge of what I can cope with, already in a state of panic just writing this out is tipping my anxiety up again.
My anxiety stems from a real bad phobia of sick being sick and germs, even the sight of it sends me into a panic and sometimes makes me pass out through fear, don’t ask me why I have this maybe a bad experience but Its horrendous. This manifests itself as anxiety, germ anxiety and also social phobia/anxiety. None of my partners family really understand and so that’s where my story begins.. it begins being away from my safe place (home) at boyfriends parents with the awkwardness of opening presents, playing games I don’t know how, speaking to new family members, doing the yearly catch up, and trying to avoid eating the buffet I know has been sat on the table for most of the day as I want to avoid food poisoning. So at this point I’m already super on edge and not feeling great, out of my own home and feeling really shaky. Then comes ... the headache and the buzzy head, the chills and shakes, the nausea, the crying, wanting to isolate myself and not speak to anyone, the rapid heartbeat that I can feel all over my body, the tummy trouble that leaves you crippled on the loo, and so on.
The next day is the same, and the day after that is the same, I try to go out New Year’s Eve and can’t face the people so go home, New Year’s Day I try to go for a pub lunch with family. Freak out in the toilet because I think I’ve seen sick, have a mass melt down in the pub and panic all my family into thinking I’m dying (I think I’m about to die) all of the symptoms above come back to haunt me and my family don’t know what the hell to do. So that ruined that day too. Here I am day 5 of my heightened anxiety and again for a reason I can’t think of this time.. I’m having chills, I’m panicking, my heart rate is through the roof, I feel sick, I’m shaky, I get a weird buzzy feeling in my forehead when it starts, I have a churning lower tummy, a set of teary eyes and a boyfriend who is fed up of staying in whilst I try to deal with whatever the hell is happening to me now.
I’ve tried meditation which helps, mindfulness which again helps, medication in the form of benzo’s and fluoxetine which didn’t work for me, CBT which didn’t help at all, and counselling which worked but made it worse in the long run.
Not looking for advice just wanted to share a story for anyone knew on here worrying they might be alone - you’re not. Its okay to feel all of the things above & do what works for you in helping you regain your inner calm (or at least a very small piece of it)
0 likes, 2 replies
emilyanne22 lauren03220
Posted
Yes. You have described much of my holiday season. I think its all the expectation that everyone puts up that holidays need to be fantastic and amazing, not realizing folks like us feed off of these expectations and turn them into stress and anxiety. And I feel you on the sick thing. I have extreme anxiety around illness and the fear of getting sick. This time of year is always hard because illness spreading is more prevelant with everyone hanging out indoors together. I find myself avoiding places with lots of people for fear of picking up something. It sucks.
rebekah77521 lauren03220
Posted
Thank you so much for your post. My anxiety also stems from a phobia of being physically sick and so I am very careful about what I touch and what I eat. It's very exhausting as it consumes my every thought and I also have the headaches, buzzy head, shakes, nausea, crying etc. I can't tell if the anxiety causes my acid reflux or if my acid reflux causes the nausea which makes me anxious. I am just fed up. I feel alone yet I often want to be alone as it's hard to pretend to be happy in front of others.
I'm currently having CBT and have taken CBD oil a couple of times. I know it won't change overnight so I'm trying to be hopeful that it will get better at some point. Thanks for sharing your story. It does help me to not feel so alone and I really hope we all find our inner calm (love the way you put that)