My counsellor is great but I can't open up to the things i really need to talk about

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi, does anyone else see a counsellor regularly?

I've had a counsellor for roughly 3 months now, I see him most weeks but I still can't open up and say the things I need to say, I'm a shy and nervous person anyway and when I'm feeling low its so much worse, I know this may sound silly but I've tried drinking alcohol before sessions for a bit more courage but I still can't find the words, i like going to see him, he talks a lot of sense but I tend to stick to subjects that are easier for me to talk about and keep a lot inside, can anyone relate to this or maybe give me some pointers of how I can open up? 

I don't have any issues with him, I trust him completely, he really is great but I open my mouth the words just don't come out, Im sure he knows there are things I need to say but he doesn't push me to say them, I almost wish he could just guess, would make things a whole lot easier for me!

I'm sorry I know this all sounds pathetic x 

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  • Posted

    Hi don don, it is not pathetic first of all. I understand completely as to what you are going through. First of all you said, you stray from what the issues really are when speaking with him. You also said that it is easier for you. Well sweetheart, you went to the counselor for a reason. You pay money right? Dont you wish to get progress? You can open up. You only have a block in your mind and you dont fully trust him, unless there are other factors involved (im talking about feelings towards him) You think this through. and accept what really is the problem and we can help you take it from there. 
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    • Posted

      Hi, thank you for your reply x

      The things I talk about are mainly the problems I have with my childrens dad and just the general struggle of being a lone parent (I have 5) and with the depression on top of that it's like we always have things to talk about and he does help me with that but there are also things that I want help with or even just to get off my chest but it's literally like the words won't come out, I think them in my head even take a breath to let it all out but i just can't.

      Yes I pay him but I don't feel like I'm wasting my money as like I say he does help me with other things. 

      How do you mean feelings for him? X 

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    • Posted

      When i said feelings, i was referring to being attracted to him. However, i have read the other reponses and has come to realise that this is not the case. Like ally said, i'd advice that you to write more raw dialogues. what you really feel. 
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    • Posted

      If I'm honest you may have been right the first time but I'm not sure whether it's just a connection I feel with him just because he helps me and is the only person I can really talk to, I was just surprised that you said that x 
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    • Posted

      I guess I can only keep trying, I don't know that The words will ever come out though 

      It would be so much easier if I could talk to him through text but that's not allowed.

      Thank you though, I appreciate your comments x 

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  • Posted

    Try writing it all down in a diary, like you're regurgatating it. This way, your nerves don't matter because you can get it all down on paper. You'll get there!
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    • Posted

      Anytime. Yeah I completely understand. It can only help your therapist, but I recommend both poetry and raw dialogue. Poetry is good (Emily Dickinson is a favorite), but also write how you feel as the aforementioned raw dialogue. eg I feel this way because and this seems to be triggering it or I'm thinking about this and it makes me feel this. This might grate at first because you prefer structure. Maybe this could be worked on too? I'm the same, suffer with OCD. Things have to be a certain way and when my mind is on something, I get borderline obsessive about it eg writing articles, cooking, etc I'd do it about mid afternoon. Force yourself to do this, you can do it!
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    • Posted

      I have thought this but I'd feel almost more embarrassed him reading it than me actually saying it aloud, does that make sense? Also the poetry I have written in the past he has made me read it aloud to him rather than him read it himself, I'm just so self conscience I find it really hard to tank about things face to face x 
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    • Posted

      I can guarantee that he has heard worse, I was friends with a therapist (he would cite anonymous cases) Some people go to therapists for phobias of buttons and other unusual things, others will go because of historic abuse. They have heard it all and although the prior cases might or might not apply to you it is best that you open up. You can't just keep holding on to issues, you trust him so just say it even if you think it's silly or sublime. They have heard some truly aweful stuff, so I can guarantee you're in the right hands. Maybe it's a good thing that it's taking time, the trust will continue and eventually you can let him know.
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    • Posted

      Then its perfect. Now you would not have to be waiting for words to come out because of how self consciene you are. I can relate to you in a way. If you read one of my comments in my discussion, you will realise that i am going through the same as you. It is because we are self conscience and it is being a hindrance to effective communication. This is my struggle now. 
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    • Posted

      I've often thought this...

      'Hes probably heard worse' but then I'm not so sure and even if I was it's not really of any comfort to me and my issues, sorry I know I'm impossible to get through to, people have often told me this, like I don't want to help myself but the thing is I do I just find it hard. 

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    • Posted

      All I can say is write the diary and give it him to read. Explain you're uncomfortable reading it out loud. Everything is relevant. Sometimes you've got to do something you're uncomfortable with to get closure. this is your best way forward and you'll be glad you've said it. They don't breach confidentiality unless they think you're going to harm yourself or someone else. Otherwise everything is confidential. I hope this is helpful
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    • Posted

      Even if they think you're going to harm yourself it would mean spending some time in hospital. Many of the greats have gone there; Sean Connery has had admissions to psychiatric wards in the past and look at him now

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