My Daughter.

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My daughter aged 33 fell ill Dec 12, she was diagnosed with an inoperable brain tumor, I am her

Father and since my daughters illness have been unable to function. I have been on medication but they did not work., My life is over as well at the thought of losing my daughter everyday I keep breaking down emotionally all the time except when I go to visit Carrie as I have to be strong for her. I cannot stop what is happening to Carrie and it is and has broken my heart for ever.

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  • Posted

    So sad about your daughter Wm, You must go back to your doctor . They can refer you to other help.

    Carrie would not want you to be in this state, but just to be with her to comfort her.

    You cannot carry it for her so you must be strong for her to cope. God Bless, D

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  • Posted

    Hi William,

    I am so sorry to hear your news, and sadly, as I wouldn't wish this on anyone, I am in a horribly similar

    situation, with an 18yr old daughter who has developed a progressive condition which sadly is terminal. To make matters worse it is genetic and though he is not as ill, my 25 yr old son has the same condition and

    his heart is failing, so I am going to lose two children at anyntime.

    Like you, I am not coping at all, the shock (my daughter woke up 2 yrs ago and couldn't walk), and the guilt (they received the faulty gene from me), have left me very mentally ill. I am no longer able to leave my home alone, answer the phone or find any motivation to do anything.

    My psychiatrist keeps telling me that our crippling pain is normal, that as parents we are meant to protect

    and care for our children, they are not meant to pre-decease us. This pain is a form of grieving. But it

    doesn't help at all. I don't want to be good or brave I want to scream and shout, why my children?

    You do need to see your doctor again, there are lots of different pills out there and it can be a bit of of trial and error until you get the right one. You would also probably benefit from talking therapy, though the

    waiting lists are long, and you may find one of the mental health forums helpful, in part because you will find support simply as a bloke suffering from depression, but also, whilst the focus is on kids with MH problems, I have found that as parents, the emotions are the same. I use a forum called Rethink, and I can honestly

    say that without the genuine care and kindness from people who are all suffering in their own way, I don't

    think I Would be here now. (If you do wander across my name there is Grandma).

    Anyway, I am truly sorry that you are in this position, and am sending a very emotional hug to you, your

    family, and of course Carrie.

    Big hugs xxx

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  • Posted

    Thanks Dolly and Sally for your kind words and concerns, I am truly sorry Sally for your children's illness

    I cannot begin to imagine the heartache you feel. Both yourself and Dolly are right in the fact that I must seek out some form of help because like yourself Sally I have been none functional since my daughter became ill and I feel sorry for my wife Sandra and my two sons because try as they will they or anyone else cant help me and I am frightened for my own sanity and well being without meaning to sound selfish in anyway. Before I go to visit Carrie I am for some reason frightened and emotional because I do not want to see her ill in any way of course when I am with Carrie nothing else matters to me. But when I have returned home again I am broken hearted for her and all her dreams with her children and everything else is and has been taken away from her and I so much want to fix it for her and make it all go away but I can't. x to Sally and Dolly.

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  • Posted

    Hi William,

    Everything you say is so recognisable. Some days I feel guilty for being alive knowing that they won't be. To add to my problems, my daughter has no contact with me! She married at 16 ( how do you say no when the doctors are saying she may not live to 18?). And though we were very close, she has now swung that 18yr old anger on me; I am the cause of her illness and extreme pain.

    With my son, it's very complex, he has high functioning autism, and is at the moment struggling with his own grief, tragically, his own 5 yr old son died last month (possibly related to our condition but not known at the moment), he is trying to grieve and is off in the Welsh hills in a commune to try to get himself on track and though he phones he isnt ready to see anyone at the moment. Oh and Mumdied last year, hubby's parents both died in 2011, we have a son in law out in Afghanistan, and another based in Woolwich! It never rains if it can pour does it.

    My poor husband is trying to deal with all of these emotions that has alone, as well as me; and I am at times oblivious to anyone else.

    Anyway, for yourself and your family, including your daughter, you must get some help. Just talking about it helps to people who accept nonjudgementally, who understand that deep sense of despair. If you are at times feeling suicidal (I do so don't be ashamed), you need to talk to someone too. I have strategies to help with those deep feelings of despair, as well as a distraction bag that helps, but actually the Rethink forum is probably my best friend, there are always people to keep me going, and I them....

    Anyway, on the grounds that I have nothing to lose, I will add you to my prayers for that glimmer of a miracle.

    Big hugs xxx

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  • Posted

    Wm, Thanks for taking time out to reply. Sally has given some good advice here.

    You might also think about your local bereavement centre, as you are already in a grieving state.

    Their number should be in yellow pages. I understand they are beautifully trained.

    Just remember too that you are not God, Carrie knows this too, and would not want you to feel so guilty.

    I am glad you realize that you need more help, and hope you make haste and seek it asp.

    I will keep you and Sally in my thoughts and prayers that you both find the peace and guidance you need to keep going. God Bless you all, Dolly

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