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I was having several phone calls weekly from the Terrance Higgins Trust the UK's largest HIV Organisation .
The phone calls stoped coming I emailed the support person 3 times to ask her what was happening , she didnt respond until the phone rang yesterday morning just before I was due to go to my GP's surgery to get some prozac and Diazipam that I had not been taking for 4 days due to me sleeping so heavily past 8am every morning and unable to get an energency appointment .
It is not good to be off these drugs especially 4 days.
I was really starting to feel the side effects of being of the 40 mgs of prozac I have been on since my housing crisis became critical.
I used to be on 20 mg and now its 40.
The effects cleary are horrible.
the phone rang, I took the call and here is something I wrote to the lady herself ater I sat and emailed the T.H.T my sad complaint.
" I am forwarding you a copy of my complaint Gillian and my distress at the way I was dealt with bt the phone call yesterday that caused me to fit with anxiety.
I took myself to the GP and got the meds I needed to stop the fitting.
I am sad you have chosen the course you took with me.
I have often said sorry to you due to my complete anxiety which does not take much to take over me.
I am sorry you were so demanding and felt strong enough to reject me and those deep seated needs I am struggling to deal with.
I really do question the T.H.T and its whole purpose and Vision once more.
Philip Michell ".
My point being ANXIETY is widely misunderstood at all levels, in personal relationships, in family relationships, in being able to communicate in a way that does'nt wind people up.
And with Professionals too.
I am under no delussion today that due to my normally excellent communication ans social skills my Anxiety rmaoves all this and I just end up breaking down into peices.
There is no one that understands my anxiet like people in here do and I do myself.
Not even the Professionals and when they cant take us anymore they leave us behind.
I went on the research the expertizes of the Board of Directors at the Terrance Higgins Trust and was amazed at what professional expertise they make up between them, and then began to understand that not all Charities are who they make themselves out to be and what to be seen as to the main stream public out there
The end result for me is I understand when we go out there and open ourselves up the the outside professional world I need to go with no expectations and to apreciate that even these people do not understand what it is to live with this dibiitating and chronic illness and disability that we all have to cope with, and there are those that will indeed block us out and lock the door behind us.
This is my real world.
It deeply saddens me and tehn I blame myself as i feel like I have dont this to myself for approaching these people for support only to be let down by them.
I keep struggling and doing this on my own.
I have a new and fresh appointment next Monday again with the CAB.
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