my depression

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hi all my first time posting thought id share my story i have been suffering with depression for 90% of my teen years and now into my early 20s i was bullied in my secondry school years and had some proper issues at home went through a pyromaniac phase because of it but when i left school in 2012 i went straight into work and for a while everything was looking up untill i was about 17 then the depression anxiety hit hard i lost all intrest in every thing wouldnt leave the house only for work i was almost 18 befor i was diagnosed with depression and i was perscribed dulxotien 30mg i was on two of these a day and after a few weeks started to get back on my feet after a year and a half on them i felt a lot better so i stopped taking them and i was on top of the world i lost a load of weight almost 7 stone and my life seemed well and truely on the way up but now its just hit me back out of no were just like that bam and im back down low and on mirtzapine witch do help but i want my life to be free of tablets i am determend not to let this win and i will keep on fighting and i hope others do too.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Chris,

    on the sorta the bright side it seems like your depression was originially circumstanital. Meaning, you aren't prone to it, but had bad things happen to you which caused depression.

    Depression is when the brain chemistry is way off, so you dont produce any seratoinines or whatever they are called. If you want to try to be pill free then you must have a solid daily cardio exercise regime and a good diet. These things affect brain chemistry.

    Try in earnest for awile and see what happens. Then consider pills again. Mental health issues are like physical health issues, they are real and need to be treated. If that is by a pill for your lifetime, that is okay and there is no shame in that.

     

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    • Posted

      Hi Chris,

      I have to agree with anon here. I'm recently back on antidepressants after I thought I could live without them. Now, years later, my mental state has deteriorated pretty badly because I've not been treating my condition for all these years. Take the pills if you need to. I never thought that depression could get worse (I mean, it's already depression, right?) but it absolutely can and will if you neglect.

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    • Posted

      So are you saying that while off the anti-depressents your mental state deterioated or while still on the anti-depressents? Just intrigued to know so confused at the moment
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    • Posted

      Hi NZRecovery,

      What happened was I wad on chronic meds for depression in my teens. Then when I turned 20 someone prayed for me and told me God had taken the depression out of my brain. I believed them and stopped taking my medication. I had my Ups and downs, I tried exercise ( got really good with my running), diet, church etc. but recently I had to admit that something is seriously wrong. I'm in the midst if a depressive episode that started about a week before my thirtieth birthday. I just turned 31 in May this year, so that tells you that the episodes have gotten a lot longer since the last time I was in meds. Also, whereas in the past I felt despair and sadness, now I feel nothing about anything. I just don't care anymore. Were it not for my 8 year old daughter I would stop going to work, stop paying my rates and bills and wait til I starve to death. This is the worst my depression has ever been and I believe it's because I left it untreated for ten years.

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    • Posted

      Ok, understand. Its quite interesting that after 10 years your depression resurfaced before your 30th, was it some kind of traumatic event or change in mindset that lead to you feeling like you do or did it just appear out of nowhere? Im considering going back on Medication but i feel like it either progressed me to the point im at now (which is not caring like you stated, basically like a brain dead state where everything becomes irralevent and you cant rationalize anything) I am so sorry to hear what you are going through its honestly like hell on earth, devestates your family, devestates your social life, and everything inbetween. Have you tried phychostimulants? that was most likely going to be my next move as i don't know what to do from this point forward apart from medication or some kind of way to retrain the brain from thinking this negatively. Im 19 and feel like honestly i have nothing to live for, I don't care whatever it takes and am open to try anything at this point it seems like the point of no return. 

      The only sollice i can offer is that you are not alone in this one, thats the only solice i have found but then you think well it doesn't matter anyway as how is that going to change much from the dismal place in which we are allready in. I guess we are just a product of our current mindset but this one seems incredibly hard to fatham.

      What happend to me was that i had a traumatic exsperiance probably around 2-3 weeks ago and it sent me completely over "the edge". It seems that our minds either have completely shut into a state of not recoqnising external stimuli to the point of receeding and not caring because that is the best protectent while in a state of utmost shock. You honestly feel like your mind has just commited suicide and your stuck in a body that is "just going through the motions". Be strong for your eight year old she needs you right now. Im only continuing to strive at the moment because of my family and my belief in god. If i did not have those fundementals then i would have probably done the innevitable by now. In a retrospective you can say those are blessings in descise. I know how hard it is and the pain in which you feel right now but we have to unite and get through this fu@$#@ of a period and give what we can as people and i suppose that is all we can do. 

      All the best and hope you find some solice in whatever it may be. Stay strong your girl needs you. 

       

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    • Posted

      The thing that still makes me afraid of anti-depressents is the withdrawl and it did not adress the original issues of anxiety, derealization, and social phobias. There is also evidence to suggest that they are neurotoxic after prolonged use and remember you are playing with natural regulation. Personally i wish i had just tried to go with homeopathic options as they would of most likely had huge benefit before feeling in this state of complete anhedonia. Oh how i wish i could reverse the clock and been more aware of the hazardous potential behind SSRI'S.

      I do agree to the point that certain people need to adress these imbalancs with particular medications but i feel like the negatives far outweigh the positives for me personally with SSRI'S. I should of been more aware of the risks associated with prolonged use and tried alternative theoropies.

      Doctors seem to be particulary good at throwing anti-depressents around like candy. Yet if they just refered us to people whom can talk and understand concepts like dissiocation, depression, and other relatent factors that cause these factors. It has gotten to the point and sounds like alot of you, where your brains have just shut off because there is too much information/possibility and all of it becomes overwelming and somewhat confusing. This is most likely an intermingling of neurochemicle imbalance caused by stress and shock/anxiety. Or posibly the other way around?

      Possibility. Such an irritating word at the moment sad

      Where is the inbetween?

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    • Posted

      "almost like your brain committed suicide..." I like that: you've captured the feeling exactly.

      You asked if something traumatic happened befor my 30th or if it was a gradual thing. The scary thing is this time around the pdoc diagnosed me with depression, bpd and orthorexia. I'm wondering if I've ever thought with a rational mind, or if my processing has always been abnormal and somewhat psychotic. It's scary because this is the only way I know how to think. So I'm also just taking my antidepressants and going to therapy.

      I think what happened is about 2 years before my 30th I got really into my fitness and started exercising like crazy and was very restrictive with my diet. I had an image in my mind of myself that I was trying to get to. Because I'm prone to mental illness somewhere my biological state must have influenced my mental state. But honestly, I'm wondering if I've ever been 'normal'.

      You mentioned psychostimulants. What are those? How do they work?

      If you'd like you can send me a message to discuss the trauma you experienced. As you say, a burden shared is a burden halved, and it's good to know we're not alone in this. You're 19. I know it's probably the last think you want to know but I would KILL to be your age again, to have another go at life. You can still come out on the other side of this and live a good life. All my best to you.

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  • Posted

    That's the spirit Chris never stop fighting the big fight , give em hell, depression ha we laugh in the face of depression, it wont beat us.

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