My depression is coming back and I don't know what to do

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello, I have never written in a forum before but i'm hoping this will help.

I am a 24 year old male, I'm married and have a good job but I have depression and anxiety. I have been taking sertraline 100mg for a few months now after having a bit of a breakdown. As soon as the side effects started to wear off I started to feel amazing, like the old me again. I had a positive outlook on life again. But over the last week I have been feeling incredibly down again. I am doing things i enjoy like fishing and I am learning to code to improve my skillset. But i cant help feeling dead inside, everything I do feels like an act and I'm starting to think again that I don't want to live anymore. I can't see myself commiting suicide but I find myself hoping something bad will happen to me to end everything.

No one would know I feel this way, I almost feel psychopathic because I am acting through life with no feeling.

Is there any way of getting over this? I'm hoping someone has had this feeling as well and know's how to get past it.

Thank you for your time,

Jack

1 like, 10 replies

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10 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi; yes I totally get how you feeling... the whole survival mode has kicked in and it is not something many can understand.... I have suffered depression most of my life; I am 35; sometimes it was caused by severe trauma; sometimes because I did not feel like I felt things like others.... because people assume that you have everything and will ask what do you have to be depressed about??? Which isolates you.. its a chemical issue in the brain; well that is what i have being told... have you seeing a doctor or anything in that direction?
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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply, it's very refreshing to read that someone understands. I never talk to people because I fear that they will just think i am having a bad day or woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't want to have a debate with anyone about the difference between clinical depression and having the blues. I think what scares me is having to live like this forever, I have changed so much mentally that I don't know if there is any coming back. Yes my doctor was very understanding and it took a very long time to actually go and see anyone. She is on maternity leave at the moment and I don't like the idea of seeing someone else although I know this is irrational.

      Thank you.

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  • Posted

    Hi Jack - sorry to read of your dilemma. You state you have been on setraline 100mg for several months but you have not mentioned whether there has been any therapy with a counsellor/psychologist. Medications will help with the chemical imbalance in the brain, but there may be underlying issues that need to be addressed, brought out into the open and inspected. Then thought processes can be addressed and coping skills can be learned, also the recognition of any triggers that instigate the spiral downward. Was there an event in your life where your sense of self and security was thrown into despair? You state you are married and I'm wondering if you are able to discuss the depression with your partner? Anyway, if you have not explored the avenue of counselling it might be a place to explore a different perspective. Meanwhile, remember you are not alone.

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    • Posted

      Hello, Thank you for your response. I have been told by my doctor that I need cognitive behavioural therapy. But naively because i started to feel better I did not contact anyone. Now i wish i did, I know there is something underlying with me as I am struggling to feel anything other than sadness and occasional anger. I think you are right and I will see if I can get in contact with  a cognitive behavioural therapist. I have tried to speak to my wife and she says she wants to understand but i really don't think she does. I told her that I am having a bad week and her response was that she woke up in a bad mood too. I think she is trying to empathise by claiming she understands how i feel but it has a negative effect on me. I find that i close up and don't want to talk to her because she simply doesn't understand that when I say i'm having a bad week I literally don't want to live.

      Thank you so much for your reply it makes me feel good to know there are people that care and understand.

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    • Posted

      Hi again, Jack - thanks for responding. I wouldn't worry about what you didn't do because there is hope in trying again with a different strategy. CBT therapy addresses the thought process we have when we are in a particular situation - processes that become ingrained through our life experiences and personality. It can be liberating to view a particular attitude from a different perspective, and I reckon you are a perfect candidate - still young and eager to tackle your condition. As for your wife, it's heartwarming to read that she is trying to empathize with your situation, but I think it is very difficult for a non-sufferer of depression to understand what the illness really is like - how furtive and debilitating it can be. It's so hard to explain - like trying to describe colour to a blind person. Hang in there mate, talk to the doc a bout your meds and how their effect has diminished and about therapy to pave the road to wellbeing.  We are always here (and there) for you to contact and share. Best of luck for your bright future smile

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  • Posted

    Hi, Jack don be panic , I think u are thinking on this topic " U are not well" many times thats why u always worried about it. Dont think on why u are not happy by the way you have to think on " How you can out from this situation" Find out the solution.

    Go for picnic,tour, change the food,make some noise with friends and family.Give the time for you and Only you. If u have any interest or hobbies give the time for that.

    Dont care about the past and future make the today is best day of life in this way you will enjoy each and every day of your life. I dont have that much of knowledge but my first suggestion is ENJOY A LOT !!!!!

    Hope you are out of this very very soon ! God bless u !

    Thank you.confused

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  • Posted

    Can you speak to your dr? Maybe they are not the right pills for you. Could you try different ones? Good luck
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  • Posted

    Hello Jack

    Sorry for late response. Lots of what you say rings so true with me! - although I am a few years further down the road.

    I have actually felt so sorry for close relatives genuinely putting themselves out and thinking they do at last, to a degree, understand you, and still missing the point  / not realising over and over. It can cause so much friction to those we actually should be (and really are) closest to. CBT can actually help on that very point if you mention it to them (they may well pick up on it anyway, knowing there's often relationships in the background).

    Also remember that there will always be up and down days / weeks, at least to a degree. Don't get disheartened in the 'lows' that follow the 'highs', this is so normal, actually the 'highs' and 'bird let loose' feeling may even be part of it in a sense. 

    You have asked for help - and you will get it, I have no doubt.

    Best of luck smile

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