My ex is having twins, the life I was supposed to have

Posted , 4 users are following.

My ex called me yester morning and told me he and his girlfriend were expecting and not only that they were having twins,

My heart sank alittle and although happy for him and even when I heard myself telling him congratulations I was sad.

We were young lovers who dated for many years. Like many past relationships my personality exhausted any chances of a future with him or a family for that matter. We were always trying not to get pregnant when together and when he mentioned that he was somewhat trying to conceive (a whatever happens happens attitude) with his girlfriend I was jealous.

Jealous of the life I could of had and jealous of the children I'll probably never get (that's a whole other story)

My anxiety and depression has cost me relationships in the past some I feel could have really blossomed.

But how can you change someone's DNA, well you can't.

And as I watch the people around me grow and flourish I'm still the same 12 year old insecure girl who ate alone at lunch.

3 likes, 9 replies

Report / Delete

9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Samantha this breaks my heart

    I can relate to a certain degree maybe not about the love you have for him I don't believe in love I know the word exsists but the feeling is a mystery to me.

    To me it's a word that only gets strength from the wanting of it being real it provides us with a false sense of security the feeling of being wanted or needed

    I know your suffering at the moment wanting the life you should have etc I think it's time to stop and think about human nature Hun there are people some ( mums) that would want your life no children etc the freedom to do what you want when you want etc

    Often in search of greener pastures we forget to take in the beauty that already surrounds us.

    You see humans have a desire to always be something better or want something better than what they have but life and the quality of such is down to perception I have no doubt that one day if you really want it you'll find that flower that's blossoms into everything you desire. Envy is a normal human emotion it hurts because life can seem so unfair at times like your the one left behind but that's only your perception you and your ex are exactly that because of a reason you know sometimes people can't make things better between them it's not practical your love turns to resentment etc and in the long run children suffer

    You will meet someone and probably have children etc white picket fence style of living whatever you want first you have to find that other person that's dreams are as yours you can't hurry those things it'll happen but in its own time.

    You need to love yourself and try to find a happy thought keep a tight hold of it and better your life you will reap the benefits as will your children when you have them bringing a child into the world is a miracle what's more of a miracle is bringing a child into the world at the right time and into a secure loving family

    Thinking of you chin up girl xxx mike

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    This breaks my heart a little also, chin up what's for you will not go by you! Sorry I don't have time to write more I'm at work but all the best x

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    You know Samantha I've not been able to get this out of my head all day

    And I'm at work so not have a productive day at all. Lol

    I wish I could give you a huge hug you know and take all your troubles away I think your so desperate to feel loved you'll do and put up with just about anything to feel it and that's sad to me.

    This goes back a long way doesn't it I read your post and re-read it and I got to thinking ya know why is she concerned about her ex and the twins they are not a couple what does he gain from telling you this.

    Hmm I like psychology Samantha in fact In love it, why did he tell you that Hun was it to rub it in your face? You know what I hope I'm wrong but I don't think I am, Hun you really want that forever hunni please don't say you do? You are worth so much more than that, the reasoning behind my questions is in your story you say you tried to have children right? Or the timing was wrong I can't remember properly, so let me ask you a question Hun some people would say that women have a natural desire for children ok they want it so bad it's like instinct if you like. What kinda man would rub or inform an ex he's not just having one child but twins with his partner when the ex didn't give him any

    Yes I do over think some things but normally I am right also has he hurt you before maybe not physically has this ex tormented you mentally I certainly hope not but I think he's took with him all your self believe ya know but that's not enough for him he needs you to know how much better things are now is what I'm thinking

    You know what that is in truth tho right? It's bull is what it is, when your happy in life truly as he claims to be you do not try to upset other people's lives why would you your having to much of a good time to concern yourself with them right?

    There's a saying ( everyone on here knows me for my sayings believe me)

    If says it's not enough for me to succeed all other must fail it not a nice saying at all but I kinda get that vibe from your story like it's not enough for him to be happy in his life with the twins and girlfriend he's got to tell you about how much you failed to give him what someone else has and hunni if I'm right that makes him a very sick person ya know

    Hey you want attention from someone you want to be loved you find somebody worthy of you because if I'm right and you'll know if I am he doesn't deserve another thought from you

    Thinking of you alot apparently lol

    Mike xxx

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hello mike,

      I always look forward to my emails when I see that you have replied to a post of mine and I want to thank you for taking the time to write me, I really appreciate it and I feel like someone out there is listening.

      There was something I had left out about the circumstances leading up to the "big news" which now that I think of it makes him crueler or maybe regretful for his actions. The few days before he told me about his girlfriend being pregnant we had slept together, I was unaware that he was still seeing this girl at the time apparently their on track. I don't know who I feel more sorry for, his girlfriend that he cheats on or him for still loving me.

      To be honest I think he told me out of guilt and remorse not for me and most likely not for his girlfriends feelings but for his own conscience.

      Maybe he thought I was going to try and pursuit something with him and he wanted to put an end to that thought immediately with his "I'm having twins announcement".

      People fail to realize that I was just really alone on that night and feeling like I had no one who cared to be with me so I called him because I was sad.

      I wonder if he realizes that the news he gave me was icing on the cake and another tick of lines of four to giving up and saying goodbye.

      But I wish him the best.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Oh Samantha you have made me smile we have to take strength from things and it sounds like you have done exactly that

      I hope it was th icing on the cake hunni I really do you have to think more of yourself than to sell yourself short like that ya know

      You've made me real happy tonight I can see the strength in your words make sure you don't lack there conviction

      You know I'm always here if you need anything a shoulder to cry on or someone to vent to

      I've the largest smile right now I think your gonna be alright ya know x message me when ever you like Hun xx take care for now stay strong and in touch xx

      Mike

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Samantha,

    Your story resonates with me.  As I am finding out, or at least being led to see, is that my personality is probably what has cost me in the past as well.  It hurts to see those we cared about move on without us, and for me at times it has affirmed that this depression that lives in my heart and mind must be a barrier that keeps love and warmth from my life.  

    I have 3 ex's who have children now.  I have none.  And I probably never will.

    What do we do?  

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi David did you ever consider that love doesn't exsist for it to enter your live and that really humans are more like parasites than an intelligent life force we suck from each other the things that help us survive the only other thing that does that is paracitic right?

      It's a question I'm asking not a statement I'm making?

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Sadly enough, yes I have thought similar things Superfluous, because I've had the fortune of being with a few "vampires" like that.  

      It's the hope  that there is something more, something better out there, that keeps me going sometimes.  If the world was truly as hollow as one parasite feeding off of another, then I am not sure what to make of anything anymore.

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      That's a good answer David I'm in that place.

      I have given up on the idea of harmony I think society has come so dog eat dog we have almost forgotten the true meaning of compassion we are a dying breed on the site everyone else seems to self absorbed to notice things keep hold of the hope

      Good luck David

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up