My family would be better off without me

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Long-term anxiety sufferer. Mainly induced by emetaphobia(fear of vomit)

The winter is terrifying to me with all its bugs as I have 3 children and inevitably the family will be struck down at some point.

Ive been in bed for 2 days as I had diarrhoea yesterday morning. Now my 4 year old is going to the loo a lot. I want to die but I don't. If that makes sense.

I'm a terrible mummy. My poor kids get little interaction from me-I just haven't got the motivation. I'm snappy with them too. I love them dearly which is why I think they and my partner, would have a much happier life without me in it or st least with me at a distance where I can't mess them up any more than I already have. My eldest already suffers from anxiety and emetaphobia-my fault as I always run away from him when he's ill

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  • Posted

    Have you discusses this with your GP ??

    If you feel at risk of Suicide, either have words with the Samaratines. You could also try NHS Help line on 111 and discuss your feelings of depression, they will triage and work out the bestt way forward. They can get the Crisis Team to talk to you.

    Your GP of course will help you so make that appointment. Explain your concerns and fears

    Remember your GP is in partnership with you as far as your health and mood is concerned

    We are also her to chat if needed


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  • Posted

    I believe that you're a much better mother than you think you are.

    Are you on any medication? I was wondering how old your children were.

    I doubt very much that your children would have a much happier life without you, darling.

    You love them. I haven't read anything about beating them, or long and inappropriate punishments.

    All of us mothers wonder sometimes if Mrs. X is a better mother than we are.

    Love, you sound depressed. Emetophobia is an awful thing. I used to have it, so I understand.

    Have you and your husband talked this through? How much  parenting does he do?

    It would be worth you talking to your doctor about your low mood, you know. Maybe a mild anti-depressant will help you to enoy your life more.

    If your children didn't exist - how would you fill your days? Is there something special you want to do - a course, or a new qualification?

    If the answer is Yes, then you have to decide to put these things on hold. After all, your children didn't ask to be born. You and your husband could have remained childless.

    Please go to your GP. People who say they want to die are always in need of medical the form of antidepressants and therapy, too.

    I hope you regain some of your energy and start to enjoy your children,

    Childless women would love to swap with you!

    But I'm not scolding you - I can hear the quiet desperation in this post. You're reaching out for help. That's good. Other people will pop along soon.

    Love Chrissie.


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    • Posted

      Thank you. To both of you. I have been to my gp, countless times. I've been given beta blockers for anxiety attacks and also citalopram. I'm yet to start taking the citalopram as medication terrifies me. Well, the side effects terrify me. Another joy of emet!

      I've tried every therapy going, to no avail. I don't actually want to 'die', I just want a life rather than a mere existence. We have a lot to be thankful for and, I suppose, life is ok at the mo. I did lose my lovely dad last year. That's hit me hard. But I can't blame that for all of my issues as I've been this way for as long as I can remember. But losing dad definitely hasn't helped matters. It's turned general anxiety into health anxiety.

      Oh, my children are 13, 4 and 2.

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    • Posted

      Is there a medication you would take for all this? Maybe some react with less of a bang then others. I dont think staying in this mindset is a good idea. Maybe give your gp a call and discuss all this. Surely it has to be better then the way you are functioning. And imagine if it worked..your children would be thrilled as you would be. And then you can get help for your eldest who is following in your foot steps. Doing nothing wont help you at all. There has to be some sort of change in your mindset and some might be out of your control at this time.

      Heres a secret theres a test called cyp450 gene test. Speak to your gp. It will use your personal gentics and metabolism to see which medicine wont work or will over meta olize in your system. Research that. It wont grant you the magic cure but will note which will functionally properly metbolize in your system. Some doctors do use this test, many dont. You might even have to find a person who will do it. Your gp knows though. The smarter psychiatrist know too. All these meds work on the "average" person properly. But then thers the slower metabolizers and the fast metabilizers. The slower ones would be the "sensitive" people. They arent really sensitive. They break it down slower so it builds up and you get more side effects then the norm. Anyway worth it to think about it. Good luck.

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  • Posted

    I'm so sorry your anxiety and depression are Making you THINK your family would be better off without you, THAT IS TOTALLY Untrue, that is your head telling you that, you have the right to tell your head NO. Are you on any med?

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