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My fiance ended out 8 year relationship and i can't understand why!

Posted , 3 users are following.

EmmaFowle
EmmaFowle

Hello! I'm new here but I need some help and/or advise!

My fiance (now ex) ended our relationship out of the blue last Thursday. Things were going great. we have just bought a house together 4 months ago and we were due to get married in 4 months time. We were both so excited.

I've always been there for him, always supported him. I've never put any pressure on him so let all the decisions be his, in his own time. He proposed - so his decision to to get married, he wanted to buy a house so we bought a house (previously renting a flat together), he wanted a dog, so we got a dog.. he also made the descsion to take the dog back to the rescue centre because he couldn't deal with her. 

He's been having a really tough time lately so i've tried to be as supportive as I always have been. He just kept saying he's not happy and he doesnt know how to shake it.

The day before he ended it we were giving out all our wedding invites. Everyone including us was so happy and excited for us. He had been pretty distant with me lately though. The next day i came home from work and he ended the relationship saying it was over. he's not happy any more and he doesn't love me anymore. I've no idea whether this is him or whether it's his anxiety and depression talking? I love him unconditionally and I thought he loved me too given the fact we'd been together 8 years. He hadn't talked to me about not being happy with me, i thought he just wasn't happy in himself.  

My whole life was dedicated to keeping him happy and that was a mistake I now know! I sacrifised my own happiness for his a lot, even though he wasn't aware of this! I tried so hard to keep this relationship going, my love for him is so strong that I didn't even care what it would do to me.

So he left without a proper explanation other than he's just not happy, and i don't make him happy. I haven't heard from him since but I hear he is just acting like nothing has happened. He's living with his mum at the moment. No one at all can understand why he has made this decision and he hasn't spoken to anyone about it. He's just going around telling everyone I didn't make him happy.

He had everything when he was with me. It just seems like a rash decision that he hadn't really thgouht through. Every single person i talk to, his family and friends too are all devestated! no one know swhat to say to me and i dont know what to say to them. i have no answers! I'm heartbroken and devestaed to say the least! I just want him to be happy at the end of the day, i honestly don't think he'll be able to find someone who was as supportive as i was. 

I just want him back! I miss him deeply and I'm living in our house alone. The whole situation is killing me! 

A part of me wants to just gove him all his stuff and be done with him.. but that's not me! I really just want to be there for his in this hard time he's having at the moment. He said he just wants to spend time finding himself!

I just don't understand any of it :'(

2 likes, 23 replies

23 Replies

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  • lynne82155
    lynne82155 EmmaFowle

    Posted

    The depression may have clouded his judgement but only he knows the reason why.

    Give it some time and you may get some answers.

    Im sorry I cant be more help but obviously if you are feeling depressed go and see you doctor.

    Life is full of bad stuff and its how we deal with it that matters.

    Take care of yourself and dont let this situation make you ill.

    I know its hard for you but stay strongconfused

  • Introversionist
    Introversionist EmmaFowle

    Posted

    hey Emma! Welcome to the forums cheesygrin sorry to hear about this, sounds really rough. I understand why you would want to give him his stuff back and be done with it - a definitive outcome to the situation would surely ease your anxiety and worries. But you still love him, right? Sounds like maybe if he's given a bit of time alone (like a week or two, say?), maybe he will come around and realise the magnitude of what he's doing. Depression can have a multitude of effects on the mind, and isolation/separation is definitely one of them. You sound like a great girl and he was/is lucky to have you. I know it's killing you, but there is definitely still hope. Wishing you well and hope things get better soon. Keep us posted! cool
  • EmmaFowle
    EmmaFowle

    Posted

    I love him with my whole heart! I mean we were going to get married.. That is pretty serious!

    He's just so set in his ways. He left so he could find himself and who he is.. I'm not holding out too much hope that I am what he wants! He also said he doesn't love me and that's a pretty horrible thing to hear. And a pretty horrible thing to say if you don't mean it!

    I'm no longer going to try and contact him! as hard as it is! I hope he is ok. I just want him to be happy! if he needs me he knows where I am,

    Then again we have a house together which I cannot afford on my own. so He'll have to contact me when we need to sell it! Absolutely gutted to sell the house as it's the first place I feel like I belong and can really call my home! I also think that was my only chance of ever owning a house due to never again having the money for it!

    ugh! rubbish! sad

    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 EmmaFowle

      Posted

      All you can do is give him time to explain everything depression does 

      strange things to people.

      As I have already said you have to take care of yourself,do you have family and friends who can rally round

      Take Carecool

    • EmmaFowle
      EmmaFowle lynne82155

      Posted

      Hi.

      Yes loads of support. Every single person seems to be on my side (not that there is a side to pick or I'm expecting it!). Just no one can understand his logic so are helping me as much as they can. He's getting support from his family even though they don't really understand it either.

      Think we're just going to have to let him ride out what ever it is he's feeling. I hope he is thinking about it though and not just ignoring it!

    • lynne82155
      lynne82155 EmmaFowle

      Posted

      Depression is a grim old illness just give him time

      Take Care x

    • Introversionist
      Introversionist EmmaFowle

      Posted

      sorry to hear this sad try to keep yourself occupied and stay with friends and family as much as you can. Distractions are great. Hope things clear up soon....
  • richard89308
    richard89308 EmmaFowle

    Posted

    my guess is that he backed out at the last minute because he was secretly stressed by all the pre wedding activity and couldn't tell you what he  was feeling inside.  Either that or he is being extremely selfish.

    richard 

    • EmmaFowle
      EmmaFowle richard89308

      Posted

      A lot of people have said this. He did call off the wedding beginning of last year because it was stressing him out.

      Why would he carry on and happily give out invitations the day before ending it though.. that's what i can't understand!

      Still getting wedding bits sent through and it's really tearing me apart!

  • richard89308
    richard89308 EmmaFowle

    Posted

    I think that he was playing out the situation for as long as he could manage then he decided to pull the plug when it got too much for him.  A lot of men have crisis like this such as relating to a relationship whereas it is a more natural process for women to deal with life issues.  I hope you feel better soon and recover from this disaster.

    rich

    • EmmaFowle
      EmmaFowle richard89308

      Posted

      I think you are right!

      I just wish he'd spoke to me sooner! We've been together for 8 years and I had been his rock through absolutely every other bad time!

      sad

  • richard89308
    richard89308 EmmaFowle

    Posted

    As he has a mental health problem you may be able to talk him back round but if not I am sorry you are so upset at the moment, it must be hell for you.
    • EmmaFowle
      EmmaFowle richard89308

      Posted

      He won't even talk to me. . He won't reply to any texts..Imy just guna leave him to have some space!

      Upset is an understatement :'(

    • Digsby
      Digsby EmmaFowle

      Posted

      Hi Emma,

      Really sorry for what you are going through right now. Depression often brings about anxiety and self-destructive behaviour and those nearest and dearest to people battling depression often become casualties themselves. I think your fiance is confused at the moment. When I'm depressed and not coping with stuff I need to withdraw, no matter the hurt to those around me. I'm hoping he just needs some space at the moment to get his thoughts and emotions stabilised. If you still care for him and believe he has feelings for you, give him some time and let him know that you still support him. Look after yourself too though. I know it must be a very painful time for you but try to keep yourself busy, keep in touch with friends and don't try to second-guess his motives or thoughts. I hope things start to resolve themselves very soon and that the way ahead becomes clearer for you both. Hugs x

    • EmmaFowle
      EmmaFowle Digsby

      Posted

      Hi

      To be hones I think our relationship is beyond saving at this point. It's been almost 3 weeks since the split and about 10 days since I last spoke to him. He's going around telling everyone he just wants to be a dickhead for a bit. The person I was in love with, the person I was going to marry no longer exists. That's sad sad. He knows I'll always be here for him and he knows i would always take him back even if i don't know if it's the right thing to do. I love him.. I love the person he was when we were together. But he just isn't thta person any more!

      I just need to move on with my life now and help myself be happy for once!

      xx 

    • Digsby
      Digsby EmmaFowle

      Posted

      Sorry to hear that things haven't improved but you have the right attitude about moving on. I hope the person you fell in love with reappears - don't settle for anything less than what you deserve :-) x
    • EmmaFowle
      EmmaFowle Digsby

      Posted

      Thank you smile

      I'm pretty sure the person I fell in love with is long gone. It's making it easier for me to move on though. Every single person we know is sourt of mourning the loss of the really nice and genuine person he used to be. It's so hard to watch someone change so drastically. Only he knows what is best for him I guess!

      x

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