My life is emty

Posted , 6 users are following.

I separated from my wife a year ago and I thought I had accepted it,but I recently started to feel very low and it was effecting me and my daily life,so I sent to my doctor and was given citalopram. I now been on it three weeks and I can't sleep, am not eating well and worst of all i can't stop thinking of my ex wife,my thoughts are consumed by her 24\7 and it's making me feel like I'm going crazy. I wake up and my head is spinning,my stomach in knots, I even begged her to take me back which I know will make her even more uninterested, I'm considering stopping the meds but I don't want to go back to how i felt before. I have a daughter an she stops me wanting to die, but I can't get her mother out my heart, any one please could you help what do I do??

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Ian, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time. You way you feel now could well be connected to you separation. You say that you thought accepted it which suggests to me that there was a point after your split that you felt better, therefore, you believed you were coping with it. The way you feel now could be a delayed reaction to your circumstances. Its normal to feel sad Ian. They say, it's like a bereavement. You have a daughter together, so you ex is the mother of your child. That's a big thing. You are having to adjust. You world and life is now different. You are having to make a new life-this can't be easy. Ian, you can accept, that it's OK and more importantly "normal" to feel a loss over your relationship with your ex. Spend time with people who love and care about you, be it, family or friends. You are not alone honey. Message me anytime, privately, if you prefer. Ps keep taking your meds. Donna xxx

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  • Posted

    i dont do emitional support, but stick with the citalopram. you have symptoms of depression and anxiety, so an anti depressant will help considerably. the trouble with them is that you initially feel worse, and then they take a long time to work. if you read posts on here, you will see is the case for most people. you ought to start feeling less anxious in the coming weeks. and you may get mood swings. by weeks 6 to 10, you should notice improvememts, and consistantly feeling better around 12 weeks. it varies from one person to another. have regular appointments with your doctor, so they can evlauate your progress, and make any changes. unfortunately, theres no quick fix, you have to wait for the cit to work. once its working, you will begin to stop obsessing about your wife, and get on with your life. no matter how bad you feel, remember, meds will fix it, it just takes time.
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    • Posted

      Thanks nigel, your reply was uplifting, and I feel there is a light at the end of the tunnel as long as I persevere with the medication, I probably seem impatient as only been three weeks on them, but it's just i never felt like this, absolutely without power over my emotions and thoughts, it very frightening, because i feel I'll never move on and be stuck lonely forever.

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  • Posted

    Hi Ian, I read your post and read I'm greaving. You need to treat this as grief. Being blunt it will really hurt for quite a while but it's about you now and rebuilding your life without your exwife. Concentrate on your daughter kids are resilient and will pull you through. I am shocked your doctor didn't offer you anything else initially, have you tried counselling for loss or enquired? I don't believe in anti depressants and don't think I ever will. I'm having really rough counselling at the moment which is disrupting my health but I am still here. Eventually I will come out the other side, you need to start this process. If you need medication all tablets are not the same and not everything suits everyone. If you need medication you may need to get the one that suits you best. The doctor isn't taking them. Good luck, sorry you're feeling so rough.

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    • Posted

      Thank you Sam for taking the time to reply to

      my post, I don't like medication either intact i feel I'm weak for taking it but I have to fight now otherwise I'm afraid I'll hang myself, I been in hospital last year for my depression and I don't want to go back it was horrible. I think you are right about getting counselling, I'm desperate for it but the waiting list is so high for the mental health team in m area,and I can't get CBT therapy I've applied three times this year and my doctor also referred me, but the CBT team won't help because of my history of how i was out in hospital,they say it's a risk to them, which I understand, but it's so hard not knowing how long I'll be in this state. I wish you good luck with your counselling, you sound like a strong person and I'm sure you will get through to the other side even stronger and happier. Thanks again sam.

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    • Posted

      Hi Ian, I tried CBT which I must be honest was useless to me. After what you have been through you may need some to speak to someone about grief, not CBT! Have you got a hospice or anything like that near you? Try that sort of thing, it will probably do you more good! I hope you get the support you need.
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  • Posted

    Separating from a long time partner is very stressful, ian. I went through it more than once. My wife and I had a volatile relationship when we first got married, a lot of quarreling (we both came into it with emotional freight). When we were married 2 years she moved out on me in the middle of the day and we were separated for 2 years. We eventually got back together and things have been OK since then (it's been about 35 years this year since we first got married).

    I've been there, I know the stress you are going through. You're right that 'begging her to take you back' is not the correct way to rebuild a relationship. Women in particular don't react to that approach. It's best to just let things go and try and rebuild yourself first. Who knows, you may end up getting back together with your wife or you may find somebody new-you can't say at this point. But either way, you need to take care of number 1# and make sure you're doing OK.

    I approach my problems with Anxiety and Depression by trying to use the 'Big 5'-Therapy, Medication, Exercise, good sleep and good nutrition. Shortchange any of those and you hurt yourself. If all you do is a good, brisk walk every day then that's good exercise. I wouldn't stop the Meds without your Physicians agreement. 

    This is a tough time for you and you need to focus on taking care of yourself-I've been there more than once and I survived, even with my tendency for Anxiety and Panic attacks. I'm sure you'll make it as well and please leverage your daughter to help you through it. We all need people in our lives to help us through these tough times, that is ONE LESSON I have learned without question.

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    • Posted

      Thanks Phil , I appreciate your reply and you obviously have some solid life experience in this subject so the advice you've given me is much appreciated and valued. I'm really happy for you that you and your wife made it work after the initial split. That gives me some hope, but I think it's better to do we you suggested and get myself straight first, which at the moment feels impossible.

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    • Posted

      Hang in there my friend, I know what it feels like-miserable. But the best thing you can do now is take care of yourself. Don't skimp on your nutrition, sleep or exercise as some means of 'punishing yourself' for things you regret now, everyone has shortcomings. But don't beat yourself up.

      This too shall pass, trust me. 

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  • Posted

    Hi well it can take up to 8 weeks for the meds to get fully into your system and until then they can make you feel worse.  I am surprised your doctor didn't tell you this. 

    The separating from your wife must be heart breaking for you but give it time and eventually you will be able to move on.  Ok it doesn't seen like it right now but trust me - time is a great healer.  x

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  • Posted

    You are more than welcome.  We all support and help each other on here so stay and join in with us.  x
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