my mental health is getting worse now that school is starting

Posted , 4 users are following.

im about to endure another year of high school- it sucks. i've made (only) one friend yet i constantly feel alone. i was diagnosed with depression and anxiety in june after school let out and felt good the whole summer (with very few breakdowns) now school is starting again and the stress is overwhelming. 

ive relapsed (self harm) and it seems like the only way to stop myself from having constant suicidal thoughts is to hurt myself- the self inflicted pain distracts me from the uncontrollable pain in my chest and stomach when my anxiety gets so bad. 

my dad won't let me do online school though ive been asking since 7th grade !! up until this year i don't think i knew what real pain was. ive even tried to kill myself but opted for cutting my hair and cutting my wrists instead. this is all too much for me and i just know that school will intensify these s****y feelings. 

im stressed everyday. anxiety affects yours stomach and every morning before school id be on the toilet for 10 minutes because my stomach hurt so bad- all thanks to the dread and anxiety school gave me. 

just the thought of walking in those halls is enough to give e a panic attack. i thought i was done with those. 

these meds aren't working. 

I DONT WANT TO DIE YET...

BUT IM TRAPPED. 

the only way to stop the misery is to kill myself 

IM ONLY 16. BUT IT HURTS TOO MUCH. IM SCARED. 

i think i have to kill myself. 

i have nobody. 

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi jade90868

    We note from a recent post which you have made to our forum that you may be experiencing thoughts around self-harm. If we have misinterpreted your comments then we apologies for contacting you directly. But if you are having such thoughts then please note that you are not alone in this, and there are people out there that can help.

    If you are having these suicidal thoughts then we strongly recommend you speak to someone who may be able to help. The Samaritans offer a safe space where you can talk openly about what you are going through. They can help you explore your options, understand your problems better, or just be there to listen.

    Their contact details are on our patient information leaflet here: https://patient.info/health/dealing-with-suicidal-thoughts, which also offers lots of other advice on how you can access the help you may need.

    If you are having such thoughts then please do reach out to the team at the Samaritans (or the other people detailed in our leaflet) who will understand what you're going through and will be able to help.

    Kindest regards

    Patient

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    • Posted

      Hi, jjade90868.

      Following our last message to you, it looks as if you may be based in the USA. The Samaritans is UK based charity, but there are several helplines in the US which can help you.

      They include the Crisis Call Center on Phone: (800) 273-8255;

      Hopeline Network on Phone: (800) 422-HOPE (1-800-422-4673)

      and the National Suicide Prevention Hotline on Phone: (800) 273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).

      I would also really encourage you to speak to your school about how you are feeling - they too may be able to help, and also may have a school counsellor. Please do reach out - there are many good people who can help.

      Kind regards

      Patient

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  • Posted

    No, don't say that jade90868. Suicide is not the answer to your situation. It isn't. It's a tough situation you're going through, sure, and I wish I could wave a magic wand and make everything okay, but the problem is really a medical one caused by anxiety, so begin with talking to your doctor. I have anxiety, It's fricken awful. Is there something you would really like become or do with your life? Would you like to be successful at something, have a nice future? Focus all your energies on succeeding at that - becoming that - and half - if not all - of your anxieties and depressions, will fall away. Don't give up, you're at a very good stage in the life cycle to really make it happen. Look for the positives in life again. You can do it! I feel for you though, depression is horrible. Don't give up. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Jade - no, killing yourself is not the answer, and we don't know what happens after - it might be worse. I'm surprised your dad is ignoring the extent of your suffering. You will need to talk to your doctor about the meds - perhaps the dosage needs tweaking, or perhaps a whole different med altogether. I wonder whether there might be physical issues involved too, gastric or something? Are you able to talk to a school counsellor about any issues? Can your Dad be involved too? It is hard, I know, but we have a duty to explore every avenue seeking help before we give up. Hang in there.

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  • Posted

    Hey there. Your condition looks quite serious. There is no need to be afraid of schools, is it? I think you are getting too much nervous about the future. Try to avoid that overthinking. Instead think of some happy thoughts and happy moments that occurred in your life. Try to understand where is this feeling coming from. Also you can try consulting to a counsellor. I recently consulted eWellness Expert. They have psychologists and psychiatrists with huge variety of experience in their field.
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