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My partner ran a mile when he found out...

Posted , 6 users are following.

Louise02023
Louise02023

So I done something stupid...

Last year after dating a guy I was diagnosed with hsv1 which was passed through oral sex, so does this man I have genetial Herpes?

I haven't had to break the news to a partner before. But few weeks back I met someone, we get on great, it feels like a new beginning however I stupidly had sex with I without protection (first time I asked him to find a condom but you know what its like when your in the mood) I slept with him twice and not once did I think about hsv 1. Which some say is stupid, but it could just be me but I don't think about it everyday.

I sat for hours crying getting the guts to tell him, but I couldn't, so I messaged him. And he hit the roof, which I understand. But now he hates me. I have explained that hsv 1 is different to hsv 2 and I caught it from a cold sore.

I read up how people.react when being told and most of them were good stories....so looks like my bad luck is back.

What can I do? I know I should have told him before but I can't turn the clocks back. To be fair I didn't react great to it when I was told but he said he will never forgive me if he has it. I told.him it's a very low risk.

Anyone had any stories like this who can keep me positive...Cozat the moment I don't see how I can open up to anyone again.

Thanks

0 likes, 9 replies

9 Replies

  • NuMe
    NuMe Louise02023

    Posted

    Hi!! I also have HSV-1 on my genital area. My best advice or atleast the advice I'm going to go by is limiting my partners. I'm on suppressive therapy but I still fear spreading it. With that being said, I realized that people appreciate the honesty. Some men may not want to sleep with you when you are honest about it. But it comes with the territory. Some will work with you regardless of HSV. Just stay positive. Try to understand his anger and the position you put him in. The best bet may be to just apologize and let it go. Wishing you the best!!
  • GOATgal1212
    GOATgal1212 Louise02023

    Posted

    Hello- well even though I am on the same side as your partner (not being told about it), I sympathize with you because I was unknowingly given hsv1. I didn't realize it until my first breakout "down there." And I've never had a cold sore. So I had to tell my partner something was wrong and he may have contracted it. Of course he was upset, but I didn't know I had it either, even my annual STD tests were negativeSTSo it caused a lot of havoc, but I had one bad breakout and none since then (1 year and 3 months). Hhsv1is extremely common believe it or not, just not so much in the genital region. Just be sure to take precautions. And remember to tell your partner!
  • Koolredd
    Koolredd Louise02023

    Posted

    Not to make you feel any more guilty then you already do .. But how do you forget you have hsv type one ? That is something that you just cannot forget .. At all . It is apart of you for the rest of your life.. Have no clue how it could slip your mind .. And better yet knowing that you have this type of disease it would be right for you to keep a condom with you at all times .. And if you don't have a condom (and your not taking some type of suppressive medicine) then you shouldn't be having sex. I literally do not blame the dude for being mad and wanting nothing to do with you. Just because you have the disease doesn't mean someone else wants to have it.

    I went through this exact thing getting diagnosed with this living hell because they didn't want to alert me that they have it ., it could never slip your mind even if you want it to . I know it never slips mine and I would never ever ever dream of having sex or doing anything sexual with anyone without some type of protection rather it be condom or a suppressive medicine .. That's craaaaazy ,

    And even if he isn't infected I guarantee you it will open his eyes up a hell of A lot more with this warning risk ..,

    My anger feels for him also . And you went about it the wrong way telling him . If you when you get all your information and facts together about the disease it's even better because they end up having a lot of questions about everything ,

    Hope all goes well . And hope this was a life learned lesson for you.

    • nikki1230
      nikki1230 Koolredd

      Posted

      That's was my hell as well. 10 years ago exactly I was given hsv-2 by a very knowing evil guy. Once I was diagnosed I told him and he tried to say it wasn't from him...Then I found his Valtrex by chance hiding in a shoe! It's sick and so unfair. I learned my lesson the hard way.
    • Koolredd
      Koolredd nikki1230

      Posted

      SMH !!! Me and you both baby girl , the person that diagnosed me tried to flip the script as if I was the one that gave it to em and that messed me up.. I never ever even had a yeast infection before this whole herpes thing came up. I'm only 20 and I'm having to deal with this .. I have no one to talk about it ., literally .

      I'm so nervous day by day that I'm going to end up getting an outbreak .,, I feel like I have restrictions on my sex and everything now, I'm not use to it and sometimes it can get me in deep depression

      I can't and I refuse to tell my family because they will look at me strangely and think Im some hoe . The only person that knows is my boyfriend and it makes me feel highly guilty like he shouldn't be stuck with me and this virus , he deserves so much better .

      You've had genital herpes for 10 years ?!

      How has the journey been ? The person that infected you you don't talk to them anymore ? Do you take medicine ?

      How did you react when you found out ? How old are you ? Do you have many outbreaks ?

      I'm sooooooo sorry I'm asking you so many questions but I literally have no one to talk to about this ... I hardly know anything about the disease .

    • nikki1230
      nikki1230 Koolredd

      Posted

      You have ME now to talk about this. That's the whole point of this site. I haven't been in here in a long time but your story hit home. I'm quite depressed myself right now. But it has nothing to do with my Herpes. With that said, yes, I was diagnosed in January of 06'.

      I'll tell you right now HOLD YOUR HEAD UP AND STRAIGHTEN THAT CROWN! It's going to be ok. I've moved on and had relationships beyond. I'm honest...actually too honest about it. I learned that quickly. I would get asked out and work it into conversation right away. I just couldn't imagine leaving someone in the dark about it. Plus, I protected my heart by weeding out who would stay by my side and who couldn't handle it. I didn't want to catch feelings for someone and then them leave me because they couldn't handle it. On that note, I don't want to hear you say because you have herpes the person you're with ir interested in deserves "so much better"! YOU ARE ENOUGH! Herpes is EVERYWHERE! It is soooo common yet soooo hush hush! Excuse me for this but f*** anyone who is nasty about it! They are idiots and may as well find some other world to live in!

      You don't have to tell a soul! Unless you meet someone that you feel is a decent person and you want to take that step with them. Which it sounds like you have a guy who.is supportive. If you want to keep it to yourself do so. I, personally told my mom and my sister. We are close.

      I just turned 39. I was diagnosed at age 29.

      I was DEVASTATED with my diagnosis. But, I have an Aunt that I lived with and was very close to when I was diagnosed and she has it too. Hell, we were borrowing Valtrex at times lol.

      I have been fortunate I've had less than I bet 2 outbreaks a year. The meds work great! EXTREME stress caused me an outbreak once. But I virtually live symptom free. As I bet you will too. Have meds available just in case and you'll be fine. Its initially shocking yes, but that goes away. It's seriously common and misconstrued. I mean the name sounds awful "Herpes" it's a cold sore and most people have them so big freakin deal! xoxo I'm here if you need me.

      ~Nikki

    • Koolredd
      Koolredd nikki1230

      Posted

      Not to get to personal with you .. But how do you have sex ? Do you always use a condom? Or like me . I am in a relationship I going on 4 years in June .. And before this came along we ALWAYS had sex unprotected unless I was on my period because I was on birth control ... So this whole thing of using a condom is so new to us..

      Are you in a relationship ? Do you use condoms or anything to prevent the virus from spreading ? Ironically we had sex while I was having an outbreak (had no idea it was an outbreak I thought it was a chemical burn until I seen discharge) and he is clear .. We took TWO tests .. In March he is going to go back and get another taken to make sure by then if he did get infected the virus Should set in by then ...

      But yeah . He didn't get the virus and we had sex while I was having an outbreak and now my sores and everything is gone and the pigment of my skin has came back and everything ..

      The dude that infected you . Where is he at ? Do you still communicate with him ? Do you still have anger or towards him or anything as such ?

      How do you tell people that you have herpes ?

      Is it nerve racking or embarssing ?

      How often do you take your medicine ? You have insurance .. Is the medicine expensive ?

  • tara69187
    tara69187 Louise02023

    Posted

    Hi Hun, I hope I can bring some postivity for you!

    I was told just before Xmas I have type one and like most people I was so down and depressed about this cried almost everyday. Mostly worrying that no man will ever want me again! Luckily i had good friends to support me. I've started dating a guy who I am keen on, few days ago I told him before sleeping with him. My heart never beat so fast but I just thought sod it if he runs then he's not the guy for me. Anyway I told him and then turns out he has type one as well!! I was so relieved. He was so respectful that I told him.

    It's crazy to think that actually most people more than likely carry the virus with out knowing it. So common!

    Don't best yourself up, this is just a bump in the road. I would in future just before things get sexy a tell the guy. It's horrible but your doing the right thing then. Most guys will be cool or in my case even carry the same thing.

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