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I'm Jonathan, I was diagnosed with Bipolar type 2 and BPD 4 years ago whilst with my ex partner. At the end of October my ex partner left me after 6 and a half years due to our relationship being toxic and volatile. The relationship was not healthy for either of us, constantly fighting, arguing, insulting, lies, cheating, and in the end she called it a day. When this happened though I lost everything. My life, my family although I still see my 3 kids, security, my home, everything.
I love this woman so much and in November i found out she slept with another man, which made me become unstable and I attempted suicide putting my self in hospital, seconds from death and then after coming round, into a psychiatric ward for a week. Since this I have broke down everyday, I constantly think about her, want her,I am truly heart broken
This weekend she has her new man staying over in my old family home with her, my old Bed, with my children there and it is eating me alive. I can't stop thinking about it, knowing what is happening between them physically, emotionally and that someone now has what I want so much. Its eating me up and pushing me lower and lower.
Every day I feel empty, heartbroken, guilty and so lonely. She has spoken to me and said she cannot give me what i want in a relationship and never will be able to and has told me she wants me to move on and find someone to make me happy.
I'm currently spending some time with a new woman but I just feel like s**t. Guilty as sin on my ex. Like everything is just too much to handle emotionally and I just need some help, someone who could shed light on what is happening to me.
Is it depression, is it heartbreak, is it something else?
Has anyone experienced this?
I take a mood stabilizer and anti depressant and have support from my cpn and counsellor but I need someone who has had real life experience with this?
Someone please talk to me
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