My story

Posted , 5 users are following.

So my anxiety started in 2007 after an armed robbery at work. As far as I remember it went away fairly quickly and didn't really affect me. Anxiety came back in July 2016 when I was planning my first holiday for just me and my son. Soon after this my grandparents were in a bad car crash resulting in lots of broken bones and months in hospital for them.

I went straight to the doctors and was put on beta blockers and anti depressants. I have had cbt where we focused on exposure therapy. I have been signed off from cbt but feel that it's more that I need to change how I think. When I have plans to go somewhere I have a million ways to talk myself out of it, which is affecting my son, as we seem to stay at home all weekend when I'd rather be taking him places and having fun.

I work 830-5 Monday to Friday, and apart from the initial panic about driving there and back (due to the car crash) when I'm there I feel normal. I'm distracted and can get on with my day without being affected by anxiety. This only changes if I have a meeting or training session - I tend to call in sick on those days.

Thinking about the future I feel like I can never go to my sons nativity, sports day, or any typical event going on at school (he's almost 4) I just want to be able to be a normal parent and not be affected so I can be there to support him.

In the last few years I had a baby, got married, lived in Germany, moved back to the uk, got divorced, got back on my feet finding a house, a car, a job etc. I didn't get anxiety through any of this so why have I got it now?

I am terrified of hospitals so alot of my anxiety tends to be about me or my son hurting ourselves and having to go to hospital (this fear has only existed since July last year)

I feel a bit better having written this all down. Doubt I'll get any replies but thank you if you do.

1 like, 4 replies

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4 Replies

  • Posted

    What awful things to have happened, emma sad I am so sorry.

    As your anxiety began after a frightening and stressful event, I would hazard a guess that it is likely you have post traumatic stress disorder. It is quite common with this for there to be a delayed reaction between the event itself and your emotional response or reaction.

    There are many helpful books, documentaries (in the UK, but are available on YouTube,) which may help you make sense of it. I would however really recommend counselling to you. The counsellor needs to be someone who understands deals with PTSD.

    The event with your grandparents will of course trigger anxiety, but I think it is important that you can explore your feelings s and anxietys with a professional. The longer you leave it, the more you may find your anxiety and stress come out in other ways, such as OCD etc.

    You've made a huge step in posting on here and that is very brave. More steps will follow. You will be okay x

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your comment. I'm due to see the counselor at work so I'll definitely mention ptsd to her. My mum has always said that I've never been the same since the robbery.

      I have bought a couple of books and will have a look on YouTube.

      Again, thank you, I feel like you've given me some hope x

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  • Posted

    I agree that what you're experiencing is PTSD and it causes other forms of anxiety as well. I think you should continue counseling in order to deal with it and try and find with your therapist a technique that works for you. You have to know that anxiety mostly hits in when you're calm after a long period of stress and doing things so it shouldn't seem weird! You should take strength from your little cute son and try to be better for you and him as well! Take baby steps and you will see that you will feel proud of yourself and you'll keep going! Best of luck!

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply. I am due to see the counselor at work so I'll mention ptsd to her.

      I've changed quite alot already - stopped drinking coffee and alcohol, exercising every day. I know I need to get better for my little man, thank you for reminding me that it's about him smile

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