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So my anxiety started in 2007 after an armed robbery at work. As far as I remember it went away fairly quickly and didn't really affect me. Anxiety came back in July 2016 when I was planning my first holiday for just me and my son. Soon after this my grandparents were in a bad car crash resulting in lots of broken bones and months in hospital for them.
I went straight to the doctors and was put on beta blockers and anti depressants. I have had cbt where we focused on exposure therapy. I have been signed off from cbt but feel that it's more that I need to change how I think. When I have plans to go somewhere I have a million ways to talk myself out of it, which is affecting my son, as we seem to stay at home all weekend when I'd rather be taking him places and having fun.
I work 830-5 Monday to Friday, and apart from the initial panic about driving there and back (due to the car crash) when I'm there I feel normal. I'm distracted and can get on with my day without being affected by anxiety. This only changes if I have a meeting or training session - I tend to call in sick on those days.
Thinking about the future I feel like I can never go to my sons nativity, sports day, or any typical event going on at school (he's almost 4) I just want to be able to be a normal parent and not be affected so I can be there to support him.
In the last few years I had a baby, got married, lived in Germany, moved back to the uk, got divorced, got back on my feet finding a house, a car, a job etc. I didn't get anxiety through any of this so why have I got it now?
I am terrified of hospitals so alot of my anxiety tends to be about me or my son hurting ourselves and having to go to hospital (this fear has only existed since July last year)
I feel a bit better having written this all down. Doubt I'll get any replies but thank you if you do.
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