My tummy is so ssssssore!

:cry: :wink: :cry: :cry: Hi Lucie, you seem to share the same sentiment as me best friend! But I dont know what i want, for my children or myself!!! I am so confused!!!! My partner knows most of the events in the past, lets face it, I have been hell to live with because of it. Sex is certainly not something I am very happy about!!! So as you can imagine, its not been easy for him either! Its all been secretive!!!!

Today the buterflies in my tummy are going mental and the nerves in my arms are awful!!!! I have been taking these pills for months, and I am stilll a nervous wreck!!!!What am I going to do????????

Do you have a partner???? What is your story...you dont have to tell me if you dont want to....I , just wish i had not told my partner sooooo much , cause then he might not have used my biggest weaknesses against me!!! It is ripping us, and me and my family apart!!! But I think it all comes up everytime I get stressed or upset or anxious. The facts that my partner has alos done some other things with regards to you know what....does not help my case!!!!! So DESPERATE. My GP does not know the whole story, obviously...what is the point....?????Nor does my doc know about my laxative addictionetc. I think he just thinks I am an alcoholic!!!!End of!!! Which, in itself is a huge problem for me. Do you abuse alcohol to????

I dont want to be instituionalised. That would make me worse, and besides my children need me !!!! Which makes me feel more guilty, and yep! The circle continues. God I even feel guilty for bringing them into this planet!!!!!

Thats enough for now, feel exhausted....I wish none of it happened...but it did...I cant deal with my fears anymore...I also dont want to tell people. It makes me feel more of a freak...and it makes it real. I dont want to deal with it as a real issue!!! Do you understand me.?....I just want to deal with it....well...like some sort of nightmare!!! As I used to...that way you can move on!!!! But RIGHT now, this method is not working!!!! Take care Lucie and thank you for having a sympathetic ear. Hope to hear from you soon, Tiny Tears!

How is your mum?

I am still waiting to hear from mine!!!!

WOW! :lol: :D jUST HAD REALLY GOOD NEWS ABOUT MY MUM. Smiling....Happy....so relieved!!!!!!DANCING....YIPPEE!!!!

Sorry, Lucie, I hope your mum is okay!!!!! :lol:

Keep in touch. I will be here if you want to talk to me!!!

Oh!!!HAPPY!!! :lol: :lol: :D

well, I feel a lot better knowing that my Mum is good. I am wondering if I should wait a little longer, so that she is 110% before I speak to her about my issues. I love my mum. She is my best friend, despite anything!!! I am so relaxed tonight, knowing that she is good!! I am so happy about her stuff. Shee soo deserves a break. (If I ever meet that numbskill that burnt her classroom down, I will light him alive). While I understand criminal behaviour, etc, I cant help but think....we all know when we go loopsy....why did he not go and get help??? See, I know that I am a bit of a hypocrit by saying so, but I am trying to get help, before my children notice etc.

I still cant get rid of the images in my head. I dont understand why???Before, I could cope with it. I even had counselling, but I got too embarassed about it all and went of with my friends and got completely pisst!!!Now, I know, I have to deal with this stuff, before it kills me and everything I have!!!!

I dont understand why it happened...and I certainly do not understand..why...possibly ...10 yrs on...I am so disturbed by it all! But maybe its because I have children? I cant even remeber conceiving my children... I just remeber the good old pregnant days!!! And the laughs we have together....I love my children...they are always full of surprises!!!and mirror images of myself and parts of my partner that I still love!!!

I just do not want to hurt anymore. I remember at one stage, screaming at my mum, \"pls dont touch me\", after she asked me for a cuddle. I really hurt her!!!!!!!!But , i felt gutted that all this has been trapped inside me. Now I am just soo fearful!!!!! I just want to be loved...and love others!!!Thats all!

Do youthinkI should talk to my mum? I am scared about what she will think...and I dont want to upset her anymore? What would you do?

Take care!x

:lol: Ooo itsme again!! thought I would share a little happiness!!!Has anyone herard \"Via con Me\", by Paolo Conte...\"its wonderful\" Blah blah blah.....\"good luck , my baby\"...Pure brilliant,...so it is!!! You guys,,,the best CBT I have heard!!!Take care!!! Tiny Tears!!!

hiya darlin im sorry i havnt replied, ive had some very bad news about my mum. im glad you feel better babe and things are looking up 4 you. my mum was also my best friend and if i could ask her now she would advise you to talk to your own mum b4 its to late. trust me. Just sort your head out and speak, x

Lucie, i am so sorry to hear about your mum. Are you okay.?...I think Its one of the hardest things to deal with ....when a close parent gets sick. Ihope you are okay coping with things!!!!Keep in touch if you want to talk.

Pls Lucie, stay in touch.

I feel for you so so much!!!!

:cry: I just want one of those sonic screw driver that Dr Who has.....it goes buzzzz.....and fixes you up!

:cry: :wink: :cry: :cry: :oops: :cry: :twisted: :P :cry: :D :cry: Hi Lucie, I hope you are okay??? I dont know if I said the right thing to you in my last posting??? My mums not out the woods yet, but she has been given 3mnths respite...which is good...as she is soooo thin!!!!!

Ive decided not to look for another job until mid feb as I want to go and visit my big sister. My sister is so like me and she has been through similiar things...with men etc as myself!!!So we understand each pther very well!!!Sometime to well!!! Leaving my children with my partner......dont know if I should....dont know if this is a good idea....but I need to clear my head..

It all sounds sooo daft!!! I cant tell my mum about my feelings...I think my sister is the only person I can tell!!!! And you, hey babe, I hope you are okay.....you sounded so sad in your last post. Signing of now. Going to go and make my children some millionaires shortbread.

Take care, katy.

Hiya Katy, Think going to see your big sis sounds like a fab idea. Get her perspective on things. Good news about your mum, im ok when you get bad news about things mortality just seems so much more real doesnt it?

And i know what you mean bout telling things to your mum when she is also ill in a differant way. Go and see your sis and tell all, clear your head and have a bit of you time for a change, hey darlin! :D

P.s. What is millionaires shortbread :? xx

:cry: Hi Lucie, thank you for getting in touch with me! Thank god !!!Took 7 citalopram tabs on Saturday night and drowned them with 2 bottles of wine, topped of with 4 laxatives!!!!!My name is ///////and I am an alcoholi!!!!!I dont know how you feel about all these words. I studied Psychology, and it really annoys me......all this pigeonholing....do youkno what I mean.??

I think I am going to have to go to A and E, I cant stop having the runs, etc

Actually, calm , katy, cakm ....I think if anything really bad was to happen to me , it would have happened by now!!!!I cant believe I am on this rocky road of self debouchary.......and its all addictive!!!

Millionaires shortbread..... it has shortbread as the base

toffee in the middle

and chocolate on the top!!!!!

This made me laugh....

\"I follow the doctors orders to have only one glass of wine a night. I then drink the rest direct from the bottle,\" Tommy Cooper :lol: , or \"Time is never wasted when you are wasted allthe time, or Youre not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.

Oh,,,,I dont know.....maybe these pills do work!!!!!

Cheers for now,Katyx

I know what you mean about the pigeonholing people trying to put youre personality into a box that makes it easier for themto cope with. Were you on your own when you took the tablets babe? x

I know what you mean about bad news and mortality....thats why I make no sense....thats why I cant understand me, and blah blah blah!!!!!! Do you know what I am trying to say.......I know what Im doing is wrongetc, but I cant help the way I feel.

Yes....I was on my own when I took the pills....Completely!!!!! I feel absolutely jaded but considering everything I am probably lucky to be alive...keep getting stomach cramps though. I look at my children and feel so GUILTY. HOW COULD I BE SOOOOOO STUPID!!!!!!!????????

I better go and make my partner gis tea...so he can complain that I have given him food poisoning!!!!!!

God....Katy stop...I just gave myself a dreadful idea!!!!!!You must know what I am thinking.....yeah ....crush them up and popo some in his dinner...(ONLY JOKING)

Hope to speak soon, could do with company as I am trying to stay off the alcohol!!!!!!Take Care, katy

stop blaming yourself darlin, you should go and see a gp though just cos of the stomach cramps? just see how you go and if you feel that way again im here to talk. And with the alcahol dead easy to say dont but also very hard i know i have the same problem!. I doesnt do any good at all as as everyone tells us its a depressant but maybe try monitoring it just have one glass if you feel deprived, does your partener drink much? just as it sounds like my scenario! and trust me if you do pop pills in his grub you deff wont be able to see your kids! x I dont understand why i do what i do to myself its like a self detruct button i press and ive also studied pshycology! just keep taking JUST THE ONE tablet a day and stick with it we can support each other :wink: xx

:lol: That sooo good to know that I am not the only comp[lete hypocrite in this world!!!!!

OOOooooo, Dont worry....I did not pop the pills in his grub!!!!!! :lol:

My children love him too, that would just be too selfish!!!

Sorry I am not calling you a hypocrite....just me..... TOTALLY, utterly Ironic....that we have both studied that pishy subject....and we like to push our self destruct buttons...DONT YOU THINK????

Oooooohere she comes ...with her sonic screwdriver...my 5 year old is trying to fix me!!!!!!!!Buzzzzzzzz

Thank youfor your advice...I might take one of my regular weekly visits to that gps surgery then!!! (Iam never out that place, and it is getting embarassing!!!!!)

Take care, Katy