To caz16253, I couldn't get your post, but understand that you need help. My help is coming from Naltrexone, a drug that you take one hour before the first drink of the day. It works to block the pleasure receptors in your brain and after time (sometimes many months) it causes you to not consider alcohol pleasant. I'm very new to this, about four weeks in, but because I have to plan, I can't just go to the kitchen or out and have a drink, I have to wait an hour after the pill. I have still gotten drunk and felt hungover, but I feel a change in my desire. I hope you get this as I don't know why I couldn't read your entire post or respond. The program is called the Sinclair Method and it works in almost 80% of people who use it as directed. Please read everything you can on this method and find a doctor who will be willing to help you.
My best wishes for you!