Need help/advice about medication

Posted , 5 users are following.

Hi everyone!

I've been feeling so bad lately that Ive been thinking doctors help might be useful, but I've never spoken to anyone about my mental health before and I keep convincing myself that my "depression" will eventually go away, anyway that's why Id like some advice. .

I know the cause of it is over thinking, i constantly over analyse everything little thing I do and happens to me, don't have much self confidence, some days i think I have social anxiety as i dont even like walking on a busy road out of fear that everyone is watching me "walking weirdly" or I fear when a man is walking behind me going to stab or attack me, I feel really shy then other days I feel a bit more normal and confident...it's hard to describe like my mood changes so quickly.. I am ok at controlling it, nobody around me has ever noticed it as I'm good at hiding it.

It's affecting my life, I have done things like move to a different town, move to a different country, randomly leave my job and get another one,like always searching for happiness,thinking my surroundings are the cause but really I think I am the cause.. now I m left in a new town, basically alone, I have a friend 1 hour away and my parents but they are getting old so I'm constantly worried about them. Im currently doing a course so I'm around people all day, laughing with them etc but when I'm home I'm by myself always sad thinking about sad things that have happened and worried, asking myself if I will find a job in this new town. My parents are paying my rent for these 3 months (I am 21 years old, never asked money from them before and they offered to pay my 3 months rent whilst I do this course,I can't live with them as the course is too far away) now I'm constantly feeling guilty about them paying my rent, even though they are ok with money.

Another thing might be important to say,I feel like I've been depressed since a child (I used to worry the teachers by sitting in corner of the playground by myself not talking to anyone. , by the way I was bought up in a country foreign to my parents so even if I was born here I always felt different talking my language at home). I had a boyfriend when I was 18 and got so upset if I didn't hear from him even for a few hours I would self harm..sounds silly I know. I self harmed a few times but hAve stopped.

So I keep telling myself to go and see a doctor. , but I'm soo scared of medication and at the same time I do realise i can't live my life like this..

I keep wondering if I've got mild bordeline personality disorder or just depression, maybe both? Has anyone got any experiences or advice? BTW I'm a 21 year old girl

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    I forgot to add, my opinions on other people change a lot, I will like someone, will really want to see them and then for no reason at all I will dislike them for or not be in the mood to see them..it's horrible especially when it happens with my own parents, who I love and would do anything for.

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  • Posted

    Daphnee

    You seem to be always moving and never settle, I feel if you talk to your GP He will be able to  help your  mood.  I do not know where you are from or what country you are from. You seem to have decisions you need to take after your course.

    Medications for Depression and anxiety these days are cleaner and more  effective than what they were in the past and treatment plans are more inclusive where you may have a Nurse or Specialist who will be able to help and advise ways to control your diagnosis

    Generally most people with mental health problems will recover while others may have a reoccuring illness at various times of their life, they will function quite well with their Depression.

    I fall in the third group, I have a Chronic medical condition and I will take medications for the rest of my life. This group is smaller than the others above. So  do not worry, get some treatment  and decide what future you would love.

    Keep a hold,

    Always around

    BOB

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  • Posted

    I am not an expert but I think ur serotonin is low. Also u do not have a personality disorder. Ur lovely the way u are love urself
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  • Posted

    Hi Daphnee,

    Try not to think about the past.  Focus on being positive about the future.  Just one day at a time.  One little step at a time.  Hopefully that will help keep you from feeling overwhelmed.

    John-

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  • Posted

    Hi Daphnee, glad you posted here!  You have said that you are afraid to go to the doctors but what if you found a good one who perhaps found a solution for you and it turned your life around?  All of your oppressive feelings subsided and you were able to feel happiness?

    That is very well what could happen if you started treatment! Isn't NOT seeking treatment and living in fear and depression MORE scary!

    I am not a doctor but I don't think you have personality disorder, it sounds like anxiety and depression. You may have social anxiety disorder but IT CAN be treated and stopped with therapy.

    This was a great step coming here but now take another and go to a GP

    gl

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