Need some advice!

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Ive been on this drug along time now! I come here, as I have problems with staying there/focused////I am a lot less bad tempered and a lot lesss tearful, but doesy.

At work i asked if so and so thought me stupid.....and Ive also been pulled up for \"going to seek advice ( for my drinking)..I dont know whether that is because they could smell it of off me or because I am yawning alll the time and tired. Ive reduced my drinking big time, so found this a bit like being kicked in the guts.....Also, like to note that I know I am far from stupid, as in mensa. I have an IQ over and above 140..( so what) as my EQ is very low.....maybe that is some indication of how frustred I am. Anyway, I was wondering whether I should let them know ( at my work ) about this chill pill., or not? I am not sure, I am fed up with being told that I am dopey and so on ( I am anyway) and ...the only other reason I query my moves is as I had an accident in the workplace but want it noted that I had not been drinking the night before. I stupidly dropped a piece of metal work, blood splattered everywhere from my head. Okay though.

Right, so the good side is this, I dont cry so much , I dont shout so much, I dont try and sellf harm ( anymore) and my drinking is tamed ( though do think I need the rest to go underway) Ie move out of here with girls in my hands. This , I know is a good thing for me to do. For once that is clear. On the downside, I am so dosey , that I am about to loose my job. and on that side finding it hard to sleep. Anyone, advice would be aprreciated!!!!!

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  • Posted

    Hi Your work place sounds alful if i was you i would tell HR about your pills and you might be suprised at the help they can offer. work places in the UK have government guild lines to follow and mental illness is treated like anyother illness, If they take it badly and you loose your job you will have grounds to sue them if you log it with HR 1st.

    I have been on cit for a while and i have started drinking on them but as every one i work with drink all the time i am hiding it well. they know about my pills and i was shicked to find out i am not the only one.

    I wish you luck

    M

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  • Posted

    Hi marie, thank you for the advice. I didnt go straight to HR. I just told my boss ( who knew I was having prblems) so now I am ready to battle it out properly , with everything I have. I feel much better today and manged to eeat well. Thanks again for the advice. Its silly sometimes. I think maybe if these people knew I was a bit \"not myself\" then theyd understand better/ i hope I am right.
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  • Posted

    Good luck i hope things work out for you. My work place is still getting used to be crying in the office when it gets bad but as i am the only female they put it down to hormones..lol if only they new.

    Dont feel silly about the little things this site has helped me through a lot of things i didnt now at 1st it pays to ask

    Good luck again

    Marie

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  • Posted

    Hi Marie- thank you for your post. Okay, I was preparing myself for this week ( much of last week) I was feeling really highly strung and on edge about htings as my mum was due for her op. last night she had it, it went smoothly and she looks amazing ( Such a relief to recognise my mum again) . Anyway, prior to this I had arranged for a 2 week break to look after her. ...the thing is...I stopped taking my pills...I went :roll: :twisted: and nothing made any sense...still dont feel like I am making any sense. I went :evil: :roll: :oops: and started to drink my usual self medicated dose and whoops...went to bed ( thinking with alot of clarity ) Yup, what my wine does to me, shame I have to sober up. Okay went to bed...my own bed and woke up to blood and more blood. I also awoke screaming. I had a bightmare about something that had happened top me in the past. i dont know how hysterical I was and still really dont want to talk about any of that. So I am hysterical. I bend down to find out what the noise was under my bed still trying to get breathe and there is my cat. Still a bit anxt ...he pounced onto my head I shooked , banged it ( again - huh maybe o me some good) and then more blood still crying and trying to stop screaming I ask my partner ( after I found him to get me a docotr) Paramedics turn up ( and as I have a domestic history , it sisnot look good. Staff kept adking what happened , how did you get this. I felt so shook up and so forth Really did not want to tell the truth as now I am regretting not haven spoken up, Reflecting on the situation makes me cringe nut then agan there is no way I am going to pipe up and state that I did this too myself due to a nightmare I had . I still feel a bit traumatised by it all and thank good ness I am off.

    Mum get sout on wednesday ( with hope) and good care. But still cant stop with the worry. i would have thought 2 days of this pill would not have done me this much harm and now I am scared that I will have to take it for the rest of my life. My work now is the last thing on my mind and I just wish people would stop asking if ive been atacke I really just want to tell them \"Yes years ago, but I didnt look like this and really mind their own business , as they did before!!!

    Okay, so thats some of my story marei, I dont know trying to put it into perspective but just cant and just wish someone would speak to me someone who is not going to judge anyone unfairly ( including me). Must admit though I do feel guilty about it all . I alaways blame myself and cut myself up about hings harshly I dont know why I do this. Then I reach for the diet pills, I know I am not fat but its my control its my way of feeling secure I guess. I just feel and worry that I am going ctazy and no one seems to really get to even the tip of the iceberg of me. Its so complicsted nd then I get sggravated by the entire episodes that I have. Episodes, this has been the worst time though and I cant get myself normal again. You dont really realise it till your lying in a hospital bed who is about to undergo reall surgeru due to life threatining conditions, I didnt realise how bad I was until the other day. I do want to enjoy life. But this is awful and its not that I want to be this way ( not at all) I just cant get out my hole, somenone pls throw me a rope..Mind you with my clumsiness Id probably snap it ( oh dear Ive gone on too long) I hope wyou are ikay Marie and that you keep me posted on how you are doing.I am worried I am going mad!

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  • Posted

    the 1st week or so on these drugs can make things worse but after a couple of weeks you should start to feel better.

    I have been on these for 4 mounths and the doc's have just added Diazapan to my drug list to help me sleep, which is not working it worked the 1st night but last night was the 2nd night and i was still awake when my alarm went for work at 5am.

    Your not going mad i know it can feel like it at times. I think everyone looks at me and things theres marie the nut job (i think my boss does)

    where is you bleeding coming from if you dont mind me asking.

    I am having one of those days today where i cant be bothered to do any thing i am stilling at my desk typing away at non work related things and i have spent most of the morning outside smoking.

    I have had to stop drinking as i was getting out of hand i would go out every night and come home mega pissed and upset my husband, as well as doing verious noughty things. I have been of the booze for 4 days i have been invited out tomorrow night and i am worried i will hit the bottle i cant just stop at one.

    Have you asked for any councilling? this may help you if there are things on your past coming back to hount you. I had it bad when i was 21 and it took me years to come to terms with it (i ddont want what happend made public) but i am getting over it.

    Hope you have a better day today, let me know how tonight goes.

    Take care

    Marie

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  • Posted

    hello girls listen please take my advise the reason i know take cit is because i drank to much i drove my husband of 23 years away i am so broken i wanted to kill myself but that would have killed my kids stop now before you lose your men

    sad thing is i have stopped now hes been gone 5 weeks now

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  • Posted

    Hi ,arie and ladyboote, how are you both?

    okay, looks like female drinking is (perhaps) our worst enemy, though not too sure about that one.

    My face looks, well like Ive been beaten up ( a good bit) I now have a bruised nose and 2 bery black eyes. yes, I am becoming a panda( indeedy).

    Mum got home and is doing really well, that makeds me happy- though not really been happy. Got so fed up , went up to work and spoke to people there. My partner doesnt speak to me, especially when he is sober, so thats not easy and I have to keep things under control ( ie take responsibilty for th echildren. ) My partner works shifts and never telld s me when he is off or on holiday so i cant organise anything. The only way to do something out of the ordinary , is to call my mum and ask if shed babysit. So tired of it. Then there is this...I cant get this...the other nights events make nsense,yes id had a drink ( shh) dont tell my work, but I know everything was clear. id gone to bed at 11;30 ( Mind you having said, everything seemed clear, sometimes we just dont recognise our own limits). Anyway, there are a few things that dont add up ( in my head) about the events of that night. it all makes me fel naseated. My ex sis in law keeps asking questions I just want to be left alone that way. I need to understand what I did , what he did etc, before I know exactly what to do . How to move only safely and with the best interests of my children at heart this scares me. You know, somethings we never forget as youngster, they can be the most trivial things in adulthood but the most damaging thing in childhood. Awee dear doe that make sense?

    My partner throwd me this line a lot\"You knew what I was like before we had children\" eh.....no I did not!!!!!!!!! So if there not going to hang around , or sit back and dont listen hurl abuse at you, and then gladfully watch you self destruct threatening to take your most precious away from you. not communicating with others abot other thing sand just generally being a bit ( doh!) to say the least and even buying in booze, not coming home from work , until very late and drunk and never showing any kind of affection....This is no relationship....This is heel...and then there is the added lack of interest ( In me) the sarcasm, the hiding away money, then the forceful threats spurling and spewing ourt of his mounth. If i have to die my hair ginger as ginger as it can go and get acne again and drink like a flipping cheebacka...then i will...Oh and on theat subject how can anyone protest to loving a\\someone so much , but basically drag me out of a hospital bed covered in the previous nights blood in to the street , and how come if he loves sme so much he wanted me to pay for the taxi..Then thers the silent treatm,ent, ( at least I speak and moan at him when i am unhappy) But nope he does the silent treatment, dumps his dirty shoes everywhere and more silent traetment, Sometimes he goes out and does not say where hes going and then other ties he suffocates me, hounds me \"Whats for dinner\" and :Wheres my sock????\" and where di d you put this that blah blah blah...( I always thing ffs Ive 2 children ) i dont need a 3rd Then this theres this, i canrt rembebr things that happened and if you loved someone would you lie in bed awake and ignore the screams -eh? Dont get it!!!! If i ever stop drinking it will be because I want to ...Moreover, i drink under a bottle of wine, yet sseem to be just completely intolerant. if I stop drinking and then start drinking....this event and other s are exactly what happens...does that make any sense Gosh sorry gals, Iam waffling. marie and Ladyboots, i do think that things happen for a reason . maybe I deserve to look like a panda on sticks, but hey..if its meant to be its meant to be. I wonder though if my sisters theory could be right...she thinks theres been a massive spider( I have a huge bite like nothing seen before on my knee a

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  • Posted

    Keep safe and talk/post to people whom are looking after you XXXXX
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    Hi peeps, I am feeling a bit better to day though I am a bit wobbily ( i keep having to stop and take breath...( i think its when people stare( often I thik, did no one ever tell you its rude to stare, and then as its a reminder , i get upset and things flash before me, even to my mum and dad physically fighting when I was a little girl, ( hair pulling , plate smashing , knife pointing and so on....and thats with my mum being sober. I am just not as strong as her, ,,,,or maybe...maybe......I cant talk about it...I love my children and This isnt healthy for them, but I know they love their daddy, I dont want them to feel like Ive taken someone away from them and they resent me for the rest of their lives. You know what I mean? I mean when your growing up ( you need both parents) well its a preferance than 1 I guess. okay , it is feasable, and manageable ( then why am I looking for excuses to stay with him??????) I am scared that if I take the plunge he will get viscious( fact!_) Iam not ready yet, not ready in mental and ( huh at the moment physical terms) I need to get these panda eyes gone and claim back whatever little amount of respect I have.....Can I borrow a magnifying glass??????

    Now Ive started to obsess overa soprano sax...................I want it!!!!!!!Why do I do that its like total detachment....Ill go out and end up coming back with a bearded collie ( to get my cat back!!!) Okay , now look whose going :twisted: Deep down all I want to do Is cry, let it out, but I am scared if i doo that ill end up in the infirmary again.

    Anyway, folks.....a dog a cat a soprano sax.....hmmmmm? Maybe I should make it a flat, not a sharp, semi quaver flat

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  • Posted

    Sorry to disturb folks again-but does anyone know anything about broken noses? My nose is bruised and swollen form a week ago, and have a lump under my left eye. Having very bad headaches and the pain is making me feel sick. Cany anyone tell me if this sounds like a broken nose. my head feels better, hence why I am wondering about this?
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  • Posted

    Hi it does sound like youhave broken your nose get it checked out as it could be causing some internal damage.

    I have a banning head ache as i went on a bender last night with the girls from work, stupid idea i know but i needed a good time and i got one.

    I just wish i didnt have such a bad head this morning. I think my husband is deff going to leave me but i will cross that bridge when i get to it. I think he should take Cit might make him chill out a bit he os only 30 and acts like an old man, if i wanted to be moaned at i would move home to mum and dad.

    not looking forward to the weekend anymore i am going to get nagged and if he is not nagging he will go out and leave me to deal with the kids on my own. (I am quite looking forward to being single again)

    Hope everyone is feeling ok

    Marie xx

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    Hi marie. Hope you are doing better? I am really struggling trying to saty off the booze, despite having a face that looks as if its been a punch bag. i even know I should have gone and got this checked, but I am too sore and think that I want to hide.

    My partner is being horrible to me. he talks down to me, even tells me what to do. i am not allowed to wear make up, I am not allowed to do this and that. I guess thast why I hit the booze, I guess that he has no right ( just because hes 10 years older than me, he aint got any kind of brain) I am the opposite, I keep being told that I will miss him when he goes, and that I am chasing him away, and that I should watch me step. But why does no one listen, why is it I maje a decisiion and then get told its me, its me thats doing all this damage...then I am back here. Its not right to be thinking about using your visa card to buy someone to do something.

    Hes just lefyt and Ill give you an example of what he slike

    \"I am just away to get our saughter then\" (in a you diont take responsibilty for your children tone) I am thinking, excuseme but I do the school run all the time every day, theres half an hour wait between getting the children ( Right pain \\in the neck) and i ask him just this once, saying as I have 2 black eyes and people are giving me odd looks, that itd be a good idea for him to get her. Then here I go feeling guilty for not colleceting her and bit...hing about him....but I cant handle it.

    I dont think he is a nasty bloke , I just dont think he realises what hes like( does that make anysense?) Oh...my nose and my head are so painful.

    Gosh, yeah watched easteneders last night , I couldnt stop crying, then followed by Holby city again drama trauma, and so sad. Hoping that my nose is okay as swelling has gone down.

    Marie-it is funny for me, no offence to you, to hear of your marital problems. My problem is ( well in summary....I am living with a sociopath) a genetic condittion in his family( cantr believe I just wrote that) made me feel a heck better though. Im not allowed to moan blah blah, and I mean hes like a small boy waiting for me to wipe his bottom. peel his grapes and all that I mean he still picks his peepers out of his meal, and he swears at me if I cut them long ways, they have to be diced small, and god forbid , god forboid if I dont chop up the onions small enopugh. Huh, he likes his food spicy so i once put 6 chillies in his pasta dish ( He went mad) i had Alex a baby at the time, dont know but I had to leave the flat laughing and he was starving...( see thats abuse in its own rightr , so maybe I am the sociop[ath) revenge is not sweet its bloody messy ( bit like my face!) Oh well, I feel a bit better for that. I think men are hard work and irts really difficult for us woman as our anatomy is different, and if men dont apprecoiate the femaleform then thenk sorrym my head is soplitting now . I didnt go to the docs today , missed open hour. Couldnt be bothered either...I dont think they can help me. Why is this so difficult:????????????????????????

    Marie, my partner hasnt ever bought me anything , ( so I do that quite happily myself) so I over spend on things for me, well its not like I mabuying make-up or having loads of holidays abroad, Nope!!!!and then his shifts that he never tells me about. The fact that there is absolutely no affection. Oh I do get the occasional nudge,,,,and then th, the \"Your not balming the way you feel on me\" ermn, and ( dooooooh!). Well I feel much better now,I dont know at least I want be shouting at him and putting my body on the line for abuse. So guess this helps me. Take care Marie, hope you are okay. Ill give my nose another day or 2...its a bit embarassing ....would it not have shown on the other x-rays??????

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  • Posted

    broken noses dont always show up on Xrays as its grissell not actual bone in your nose.

    My marrage is doomed to fail but i have a back up just incase. I want to live abroad but my husband doesnt want to go so i will prob just move some where like singapoure with a sexy man ... lol a girl can dream cant she.

    I have lost a tone of weight since xmas and i am getting very confident within myself and i think my hubby is insecure he married a heffer thinking he would be safe now he has some hot babe and he carnt handel it....lol I am so nastie to him. I loved the chilly story btw I will have to give it ago.

    He is not very afectionate but i am noughty and get the kisses elsewere. my hubby dose all the child raising as i work and he thinks i am a shit mother, he never says anthing out righ but I know every thing i do with them is put down, i tought my eldest to ride her bike a few weeks ago and all he could say was that it was his dad that has been taking her out I was just lucky she rode on the day i was with her.

    Men they are the cause of all our problems (Sorry Guys reading this)

    If it makes you feel better let it all out on this site I am not one to judge I feel comforted by knowing i am not the only one going through this.

    hope you face heals soon honey

    Marie xx

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  • Posted

    Yeah, marie I feel like you do. I am not good enough for my partner, and thats exactly how he has made me feel.

    I am really insecure about my body shape, but hey can I caome abroad with you and bask in the sun on the beach. ( huh, and i wish I had a nice wee reserve, maybe thats what I should do . Go find a nice fella( do they exist?) and then a0 I have a new man and B0) i wouldnt have to pay for a hitman. Hmmm, thinking!!!! ( I wouldnt really pay for one, I just drea, too!!!)Okay okay, i took that a bit far!!!!!!

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  • Posted

    I think i am going to loose my job i an mega hung over abd getting on every ones nerves today
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