Need some advice for dealing with spouse during peri
Posted , 8 users are following.
Hi Ladies,
I am looking for some advice. I have been in peri for about a year and a half now and as most us having certain issues are worse than others and certain things can trigger certain issues. When I'm really having a tough time I go to my mothers and hang out, sometimes spend the night as she helps me to relax and understands what I'm going through. My husband has always been supportive when I have had to do this in the past and let me do what I need to do to help me.
So now here is my issue, whenever my husband gets sick either a cold or tummy bug etc it seems to set off my anxiety, I get nervous, think the worst, feel nauseous and cant deal with it. I want to go to my moms because I know that I will feel better but then I feel bad because I'm the wife and I should be there with my husband when he doesn't feel well and don't want him upset with me etc. I have been asking my mother and friends about this and they all said the same thing, you have to take time and take care of yourself, that I'm no good to him if I'm not ok. I was wondering what you all thought about this? I am really starting to try and take care of myself 1st and then deal with everything else from there.. any help would be wonderful thanks so much hugs
1 like, 6 replies
lynda20916 amy602
Posted
I understand, Amy. But he needs you. You are his wife. Who is he going to turn to if he can't count on you for help in his time of need? You're choosing to abandon him because you feel better not having to cope with him. Would you do the same to your children?
Your mother and your friends aren't gong to lose anything if you follow their well-meaning advice. You could lose your husband. If you continue to behave like this, he could start wondering about how committed you are. I know I would.
metamorphed amy602
Posted
i think you should look after yourself. This is the strangest time of a woman's life and you need that comfort you get from other women in your life. I understand that your husband gets sicknesses too, but once you have made sure that he is looking after himself and it is something that passes over a few days, there is no reason why you can't leave for a night to look after yourself at your mums. This whole process of menopause goes on and on and I know myself how difficult it is, I would rather have the minor illnesses like colds and tummy upsets, that pass in a couple of days, then this, that there never seems to be an end to. Once he knows that you care about him I think he will be happy for you to spent a little time away when it all gets too much. take care
Gypsy014 amy602
Posted
I can relate for sure!! Anxiety can be crippling, it can just stop you in your tracks and it shows in so many different ways, from feeling like you can't cope, feeling like you can't leave your house, feeling nausea , feeling nervous, shaky , to down right panic attacks.. And so many things can set it off, I went through a period of really bad anxiety last year and I could not even think about taking care of anyone else the way I was feeling, I was nervous , scared, trembling, panicky I was in no condition to take care of a spouse or grandkids or anyone else for that matter when I myself needed caring for, I turned to my mother too, thank God I still have my mom, and thank God you have yours as well.. Every girl needs their mom no matter what age she is.. I am not anywhere near as bad as I was a year ago, but I'm not out of the woods yet, anxiety is no joke, I can deal with it a lot better, but certain things will and do still set it off, and someone sick around me sets me off, and hospitals funerals bad news, it all sets my anxiety off, leaving me to have to take many hours to calm myself down, so I'm right there with you on taking the time to remove yourself from any situation that sets off your anxiety and if going to your mom's for the night then so be it, husband will just have to understand! Take care ?
chrisann144 amy602
Posted
I certainly agree especially during this time and always we should take care of ourselves first....most women take care of everyone except themselves...I would say how would you feel if your husband did that to you? I always think about the other person and how they would feel I know for myself when someone is sick whether it’s my husband or kids it’s a distraction from all the craziness going on...but everyone handles things differently it’s not about being right or wrong and I understand you wanting to be with your mother but you also have to think of your husband as well...what do you think is the answer? The thing is your going to get a lot of different opinions maybe ask your husband how he would feel when he is sick if you weren’t there taking care of him some people don’t like to be bothered when they are sick so he may not mind you not being there...I think you should talk to your husband and find out what he thinks just a suggestion
caseynjason amy602
Posted
Hi Amy, don't let some of the advice make you feel bad. It is the anxiety. You aren't saying you don't care about him, because if you felt "normal" when he was sick, it wouldn't bother you and you could happily care for him. Sometimes we have to tough it out with the anxiety, but if escaping helps sometimes, I say go for it. What sense is there for you to be there panicky and feeling crippling anxiety when he is sick? None. I for one do not like to be around when my hubby has the tummy bug especially. Men and vomiting, yuck! I would love to get away when that happens, especially if I am getting exposed. If he is like mine, he's not very careful about the spread of germs either. Drives me crazy. Gave me influenza this year and put me in the hospital because my anxiety was so bad after being sick and stuck in bed for a week. This might not be a popular opinion, but I get you, and I would do the same thing if I was you.
ImagineOneDay amy602
Posted
Hi Amy, first of all you are lucky to have a mum like that. It may sound like you are not being fair to your husband but if you can't cope then you just can't. I am sure he will understand if you explain. You haven't already been like that. So this is the time of your life that you need your mum. If you go back to him feeling better you will also get on better. Plus he is not a child. He should be able to cope with such small & temprorary illnesses. Take care& enjoy your lovely mum's company.