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Need some advice please :)

Posted , 4 users are following.

shannonlee23
shannonlee23

Hi I've posted on here before and I'm proud to say I've been doing really well with my anxiety until recently. Me and my bf of three years just broke up almost two years ago, and we have a 1 year old son together. Ive taken it decently well for the most part but I want my family together again so badly I ache at times sad I feel my anxiety slowing coming back building more and more @ times. Especially I just had to move back in with my parents and started working which I'm proud to say I have a job now but I just now realized I can not afford to put a roof over mine and my sons head and it kills me on my income alone. I thought I had it all figured out and now I know I don't. I cried today and needed my ex to support me emotionally but he's acting so cold to me and I hate it. I don't get why life is taking such a turn on me lately. I feel like I'm drowning and I hate feeling like I'm doing everything on my own. I realized how much I want me and my ex to work it out, and I feel like its so hopeless. If anyone can give me some much needed advice I would be so appreciatve !

0 likes, 14 replies

14 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest shannonlee23

    Posted

    Hey! This happens, tough times are the worst. The important think to acklowledge is that your mind is strong, but you know that it's anxiety, so you can talk it back into feeling good. 

    Remember good times in your life, not with your ex. Remember how good those moments were and try to reach for that same feeling. It's tough, but you can do it.

    If you need anything, you can message me on here, or feel free to send me a PM!

    • shannonlee23
      shannonlee23 Guest

      Posted

      Thank you for responding! I really appreciate it smile and, I'll try to remember to do that. I'm trying to be strong, and some days I do real great but lately after spending Monday with him and my son for the first time in awhile I really miss being with him and us together but I'm gonna keep working and taking care of my son and focus on the goals I set out for myself and keep trying to be positive. Its hard some days but I can make it. Your advice was really nice smile thank you again!
  • michaelall35712
    michaelall35712 shannonlee23

    Posted

    Hello I am sorry that things have not worked out with your son's father. Do you not get any financial support from your son's father?  I am not sure where you live, but in the U.S.  the state goes after the father for child support.  Have you tried that route?  I know that you may possibly want to patch things up your son's father, but if he is not willing to do so.  I believe you should get financial child support for yourself and your son.!
    • shannonlee23
      shannonlee23 michaelall35712

      Posted

      Thank you for responding! If I need anything for our son like diapers wipes etc he will get them for him but other then that no. He will always provide for our son, I know that. My father thinks I should do child support but I don't want to go down that road. I tried explaining to him today that I need help and I can't do it all alone but he said he was not helping me only Matthew. It hurts because its like as soon as we broke up he stopped caring about me immediately. I know he cares but he never acts like it. He told me Monday that he still has feelings for me but acts like he don't because he doesn't want to me know he does. Its all so confusing and complicated. I don't have any friend or family support. No one seems to understand, and my parents don't work and I can't have financial support either from them. I wanna be able to say I can provide for my son on my own but I know with my pay I just can't do it. I'm gonna look into online classes so I can get a good paying job and support us so much better.
    • michaelall35712
      michaelall35712 shannonlee23

      Posted

      Sounds like your son of your father needs to provide more his son.  You are the primary care taker of his son.  He needs to provide more than diaper and wipes. As for not help you, he doing a diservice for his own child.  Your son is dependent on you, there,  He needs to provide you enough money to have the basics, housing and food.  So you can provide for you son.  Child support is your only option if you two are not able to be together.  Hopefully you two can make things work for the sake of you son.  Have you asked him if he is willing to do couples counseling?
    • shannonlee23
      shannonlee23 michaelall35712

      Posted

      Yeah, I understand what your saying. Right now I'm gonna just focus on myself and our son and keep working and saving money so one day I can get us our own place. I thought about asking him to do counseling but I'm not even going to ask him. He's made his point clear for the last time he doesn't care so I'm not going to keep putting myself into situations with him where I end up hurt again. I'm thinking of even looking into a part time weekend job also so that would help too
  • shannonlee23
    shannonlee23

    Posted

    I'm sorry I meant to say we broke up almost two months ago* not two years.
    • gill16647
      gill16647 shannonlee23

      Posted

      Hi.Early days two months. I think if you push child support at this stage you may push him away.Nothing wrong when talking saying longer term if we can't make ago of our family we would have to think of child support because yes you are entitled and you are bringing Matthew up. You are doing very well and naturally for anybody who does or doesn't struggle with anxiety it's going to be there in this situation. You are keeping nice and busy.So happy things with your X.Let him see what he would be missing.Be happy in yourself and confident for the future as what wil be will be ! It is scary the financial side but you do have a roof over your head it may not be yours but many people are in the same boat. This isn't for ever you are only young.It's a stepping stone. Keep strong and remember thoughts are only thoughts that trigger anxiousness but they are not facts.Nobody can predict the future !Wish you all the best and reckon you are doing really really well xx
    • shannonlee23
      shannonlee23 gill16647

      Posted

      Thank you smile that was really nice and I'll do my best when I'm feeling down to remember what you said!
  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 shannonlee23

    Posted

    How old are you! Since you noted the ex will pay for your son have him pay for day care so you can work or do schooling. You cant dwell in wishful thinking anymore because you need to survive and provide for yourself and your son. Your ex is partly responsle to provide as well. There are laws he cant just do as he pleases and the state has access to help you as well if you are financially burdened. It depends where you live but you should inquire.you can't force someone to love or want to be with you so that asoect of the sadness you need to shelf because survival right now is the focus.  Worst scenario might be your ex and his family raising your son if they are financially stable.
    • shannonlee23
      shannonlee23 lisalisa67

      Posted

      I'm 22, and we split daycare cost so I can work and I'm not gonna dwell into wishful thinking no more. I'm gonna continue working and taking care of my son. He's what is most important to me, and one day I'll be able to afford to get us our own place and it will be an amazing time/feeling. I know it's not going to be over night but it will happen one day. And, I looked into state help and I will get it. And, no one will ever raise my son without me included. I can afford the important things he needs and no one can love and care for him the way I can and do. I just can't afford to put a roof over our own heads right now but it will happen sooner then later
  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 shannonlee23

    Posted

    That exclamation point was meant to be a question mark. Sorry about that.
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