Needing help with fiancé

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I've been dating a girl for 3 and half years.  We have a long distance relationship, where we usually see each other 2-3 times a month. (if we our schedules work).  When I first met her, she told me that she suffers from depression and told me that if I wanted to leave that she'll understand.  I told her that I would stick with her and help her through it because she really means a lot to me. Few years ago we had an engagement and had our wedding date set and everything ready to go.  Early last year (2016), just randomly one day, out of the blue, she texted me saying that she cannot do this anymore.  At first, I thought she had a rough day at work because her work was stressful and she was also going to school full time.  So I let her have a few days to herself, week or so had passed where she did not contact me and thats when I got concerned.  I got in touch with her family, where they also had noticed a change in her and did not understand what was happening with her.  (Her family does know about her depression).  She used to be on medication before I met her and then got off of them because she felt that she did not need them anymore.  I have given her some space and then went drove down a few times to surprise her with flowers and let her know that I still love her.  However, she was not excited to see me in return.  She has not given me any explanation as to why she ended it, she does not really talk that much to her family as well and she has not gotten into contact with me at all.  She has completly shut me out of her life.  It is very difficult to wrap my head around this all because her family told me that they have never seen her so happy and that she would constantly talk about me all the time.  She would also let me know everyday that we spoke as to how much I meant to her and all.  It is very frustrating and hard to not be able to get through to her and let her know that I am still there for her and love her.  Not sure as to what more I can do.

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  • Posted

    If Her parents are concerned, as well as you and She is avoiding talking to you I would finde that a real worry.

    You need to try and discuss your feelings with Her and see what Her intentions are and if She is taking any medications,  or having treatment, If you cannot find out what is wrong, I suppose that must be it.

    You could ask the Parents to talk to her then explain to you what has happened, although that may cause more problems if She feels she has been talked about or deceived in any way.

    All I can advise is give her that space and see how it goes, is there a chance She has now found somebody else and has grown away from you. ?

    You need now to ask yourself what you want or need to do ? You have your own life too lead

    BOB

     

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  • Posted

    I got in touch with her family, where they also had noticed a change in her and did not understand what was happening with her.  (Her family does know about her depression).  She used to be on medication before I met her and then got off of them because she felt that she did not need them anymore.

    What you describe sounds like an example of psychotic depression, where the alienation, unusual behaviour and unreasonable choices are the first symptoms (prodromes) of an upcoming psychotic episode. The good thing is that her parents are aware of her depression and - if I'm not wrong and your fiance starts displaying psychotic symptoms - they would be able to react. As you don't live together, according to the Mental Health Act, her parents (not you!) would be the main decision makers if it came to hospitalisation.

    What should be done in this case? Well, your finace should see a psychiatric consultant, but we both know that she is not going to follow this suggestion. Along with her parents, you could try to convince her to start taking her antidepressants again and see whether her behaviour improves. These medicines should never be stopped without the consent of the GP/psychiatrist. A patient may 'feel better', but only a specialist can tell whether the condition improved enough to stop antidepressants. In the worst case scenario, if she went psychotic, the primary point of contact would be her community mental health team.

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  • Posted

    I've just started taking anti depressants this week after finally going to see the GP because of my low moods, I've been extremely unloving towards my husband of two years who has recently started drifting away from me, as well as me pushing him away.

    This wasn't because I didn't love him anymore, I just didn't love myself and felt in a state of despair every single day.

    I hope my medication kicks in soon and helps me get back to the girl I was when we met 4 years ago.

    I fear I've lost my husband for good now, despite me explaining that I have depression and I'm seeking help, he is still distant, not wanting to engage in conversation and we are currently in seperate rooms.

    If you love your fiancé, no matter how hard it is, how awful and unloved she's making you feel, if she is having a state of despair-she really does love you, she just doesn't love her self. She will get out of this and she needs your help. She needs you to be there when this awful time has passed. When faced with depression, it's not true feelings you experience, it's a chemical imbalance in the brain MAKING you behave and feel the way you do.

    I love my husband but I think my marriage is over already, because I pushed him too far and he has given up.

    If you love her, please don't give up.

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    • Posted

      Thanks for the response Rachel. I've been trying everything to let her know that I still love her and want to help her, by sending her text messages and emails every couple of months. But she doesn't respond back to anything.

      I've gotten in touch with her two sisters and her mother. From what I heard, her younger sister doesn't speak to her because of what she's been putting me through and how she suddenly ended the relationship without any reasoning. Her mom said that she is very slowly coming around by taking care of her nephew and doing chores around the house again.

      Her mom was saying that she tries to discuss the relationship with her and how she should try seeking help, but nothing is getting through to her. I do love her a lot, but I just don't know any other way of how I can get through to her. I guess all I can really do is just keep being patient and maybe she'll come around someday .

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