Nervous Breakdown
Posted , 3 users are following.
New to this part of the forum, so Hi 
In the middle of 2014 I suffered a nervous breakdown that nobody saw coming except me, my husband had a very hard time accepting that I had been under way too much stress and so home life became very difficult at this time....he now sees it and feels really bad about causing a lot of that stress.
After years of stress where I said nothing as I had leart to bottle things up and smile so no-one knew there was a problem....
Bullied at school (started when about 10)
Changed school, bullied daily and injured regularly
Changed school, suffered sexual harrassment traveling, numerous adult male stalkers for next 3 years.
Work life, more sexual harrassment and extreme chemical exposure
Victim of random attempted sexual assault/kidnap, conviction and court case followed
Married, miscarriages
New-born death, months in hospital, birth defects
Pregnancy, months in hospital, pulmonary embolism, successful birth
Heart attacks when baby 8 weeks
Pregnancy emergency C-section, helicopter rides etc
Continued severe chest pains for next 6 years
Really poor living conditions for 9 years after buying property (cash, no debt) and DH finding every reason to not build house as intended (still can't figure that out), good tradesman just didn't think women should be treated too well (Taming of Shrew theory)
Sued by charming mother-in-law over property dispute, won case but took three years and $70k and lots of stress
Good friend called to see if I'd leave DH, commit suicide week later after I said 'No' (stupid for not leaving when I had the chance)
Sold property and bought one with house, but big, big debt, building industry work unstable so there was a lot of financial stress
House burnt down (Oh Crap), back to living in poor conditions despite insurance paying up, DH wouldn't contemplate rebuilding until after insurance money all gone (undercut on insurance, watch those snakes)
More work instability, subdivided and sold half property to reduce debt, just in time before bank foreclosed....lots and lots of stress.
Went on trip to UK with daughter on Scholarship for 3 months...first time in 20 odd years where I didn't feel highly stressed
Neighbour well known psycho, abusive, dobs into government departments all the time (psychiatrist told me most people breakdown after dealing with just her alone for less that two years and I lasted eight years, made the record woo hoo)
New battle because of neighbour after return from UK and another miscarriage, started drinking and crying lots (hadn't cried for 18 years, not even when father died) unable to cope with general life, started behaving in ways out of character, total meltdown.
I know I have forgotten a few disasters in this list 
Issued DH with ultimatum of do something with the house or I'm not coming back after UK trip....got floor layed and other stuff done but admitted that he didn't take the threat seriously.
I'd had enough of not having a kitchen and living on dirt floors with inadequate or no walls to keep out the cold and damp....yes I am a very patient and long suffering fool
....and yet my DH thought I'd be fine coping with all this continuously and failed to see this coming, I was getting very worried in 2012 as to where I was headed.
Why are the people closest to us the ones that seem to notice last that there is a problem?
This is very frustrating indeed.
Doctors and psych were amazed I didn't breakdown years ago.
So 12 months on I am still in a slow recovery, going to meditation, having acupuncture, taking a natural seritonin supplement, rhodiola extract for adrenals etc
Psych wants me to take AVO on neighbour because he thinks she'll break it and he can then have her locked up but I can't cope with the stress of doing it even with his backing and police protection, maybe soon. She is seriously really bad!!!!
Recovery is a lot slower than I thought it would be, probably would be faster if I could get away from home and go on a loooong holiday 
I get away from home as often as possible even if it is just for a couple of days.
I find it amazing that some people struggle to see that I was justified in having a nervous breakdown....I wish they could walk in my shoes
DH is a good man and lots of fun, just not very observant if someone is suffering....go figure 
1 like, 5 replies
archemedes Cares
Posted
From reading what you have had to say my initial reaction was 'OMG' what a rough time of it you have had, and it isn't at all surprising that you have had a 'breakdown'.
Having experienced a similar situation within my own family my message to you is, whilst you have clearly gone through the mill please be reassured that there is light at the end of the tunnel - you really must believe that.
Recovery can take a many years, but as long as you are determined and stick with your medications and the support system, things will get much better in time.
As sufferers start to feel better they have been known become over-confident and to stop taking their medications and drop their support, which is the very worst thing that they could do.
A nervous breakdown is one of the most dreadful experiences that anyone can endure in their lives, as it is a totally life-changing, might never totally go away and may if the suffer is unlucky mutate into a psychosis.
So don't be at all surprised if it takes a long time to settle down, and then even if you do stop with your medications and support system you could have a full or partial relapse at any time..
I am deliberately not 'guilding the lily' here because to do so could mislead you.
The truth is that it will still take a great deal of work and support, and in your case the absolute belief that one day your life will be much much better.
God bless.
Cares archemedes
Posted
Yes I try to just take one day at a time haha yes sometimes I feel a bit cocky but then typically crash within a day or two so I'm learning.
I love to smile and make others around me smile and I do a damn good job at it but there is an art to doing that and still release stress or tension. I never spoke about anything that bothered me before accept to very occassionally make a small request and then sighing when it was denied, then went back to smiling again....crazy stuff, no wonder I shocked a lot of people breaking down the way I did. People have been saying "Well if she can breakdown, then no-one is safe" and that's without them knowing my history
I think I used comedy to cope, my daughter always asks "When you die can I inherit your wit?"...Oh but dear you know that wit came at a very high cost, then she doesn't want it any more, wise girl
I will certainly keep up the meditation and acupuncture as they are so good.
I had to stop going to the gym as my cortisol levels were getting worse from it so all I did was gain weight from a good diet and exercise....so now I go to meditation and eat icecream and have lost 12kg so far...I like this new method of weight loss
I am really trying to avoid falling back in that hole and it is difficult because some of the same people that pushed me into that hole in the first place are trying to help me back out of it...I feel sometimes like they are throwing me a rope and saying "Well what's your problem, climb out"...only trick is that the rope has been cut into 8 inch lengths, not enough to tie together and useless the way it is.
I love life too much to stay here forever but yes I am trying to walk slowly and carefully in the right direction.
I have had the rough end of the stick for half my life and would like to make some changes to avoid it continuing that way....I could handle it if they were self inflicted problems but mostly by far they have just been very bad unpredictable luck, hoping karma might come to my rescue
archemedes Cares
Posted
You already know then (or at least suspect) that the road to recovery that you have embarked upon is a long and difficult one.
Talking to others and expressing our feelings when going through this sort of endurance race is one of the best things you can do, because it makes it clear that others have trodden the very same path to recovery and that we are not alone.
The important thing to remember here is never to expect too much of ourselves, but to be satisfied with a little bit of progress at a time.
My very best wishes
Rod x
Cares archemedes
Posted
I am such a patient person and yet even I get frustrated with such slow progress. My naturopath said at least 8 months to recover if I was totally removed from the stress, well I haven't been totally removed from the stress so 12 months later I'm still here.
But on a good note, travelling to the UK put me right out of my comfort zone and has removed that fear of the unknown and made me quite content to get away on my own and being that I have roughed it for so many years before I take an amount of pleasure in throwing my swag in the back of the ute and heading bush sometimes...just me, my dog and my violin, on the whole pretty pleasant company and at least now DH doesn't freak if I disappear cause I do so regularly now and he can see that I am a lot happier when I return.
I snap at people way to much for my liking now though and am trying to bite my tongue cause I really don't wish to sound bitchy *shudder*
Funny to have to learn to do what I used to do so naturally!
archemedes Cares
Posted
Keep fighting the good fight, or in England as we say 'Don't let the buggers get you down'.
Contact me via pm or via the forum at any time.
R x