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Never been so scared in my life.

Posted , 6 users are following.

BellaLuna
BellaLuna

My anxiety and agoraphobia have intensified, I am not keeping food down well, frequent toilet trips, constant panic and fear, little sleep, waking in panic, crying and screaming in distress and elevated intolerable panic on leaving the house.

I am due to restart therapy soon but can't get there and the doc said I wont benefit from it in this terrible state, I must stabilise first.

I have tried lots of meds in my life and had many adverse side effects which left me with an intense phobia of new ones, therapy could help with this too but I can't get there until I am stable.

I am currently on 20mg diazepam per day, been on that for years, the dose was increased by 2mg in January, it didn't do a lot but stopped me screaming so much.

This morning the doc said the only real option at this point in time is to increase it again to take the edge off and then seek the therapy for my problems and my phobia of new meds, sounds like a plan but I am scared.

He says I am tolerant to diazepam, this is true but when I updose I do still feel very strange, bit drunk, unsteady, spacey, poor memory etc.

Now I do need relief, I really do but I'm so scared it will kill me or something, current dose is as follows:

9mg am

4mg noon

7mg night

He said take:

11mg am

4mg noon

9mg night

Oh my gosh, I am going to be out of it on that much, I'm not sure it's even safe to take 11mg, I mean he is a doctor but it's a scary amount of diazepam to wake up and take and that is without the extra 2mg at night.

I realise I have no real choice, I and my family need some relief until therapy can start but it's a lot and I am tiny, I mean 5 ft 1 and 7 stone 4 so I am very slight, what if my body can't cope with it?

I am scared that it wont even help too but I have tried to be strong and face my fears, it's just too much at the moment though, I simply cannot cope with this level of anxiety and panic.

I always thought 10mg in one single dose was the max you could take so 11mg in the morning feels scary.

Gosh, so scared here, not sure what to do just know I do need something to take the edge off sad

0 likes, 49 replies

49 Replies

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  • lisalisa67
    lisalisa67 BellaLuna

    Posted

    Bella what if you well documented your care on video and sent it to every single private facility s a plea for help. Do you think one of them would be charitable or somehow devise a sliding payment scale to help you? People get gifted things for a lot less of a need in the world. Get your story out there. This is just very horrid care and i would think theres a way out even if it is an out of box answer to do it. Maybe even send a documented video to the talk shows here in the usa maybe one of them would be touched by it and help you. Jeez they give away cars and trips and such you never know. But i woukd think the first step is your own government or healthcare. If they dont know what is happening to you they cant help you.  
    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna lisalisa67

      Posted

      Thank you Lisa, i do believe that my care is horrific and i am being badly let down.

      We have a local MP, they represent the government and my husband is going to write to her and make her fully aware of my situation, I can't be the only one this is happening to and something does need to be done about it.

      We have women's weekly magazines that accept real life stories and he has even suggested writing to them, I don't know but something needs to happen here.

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67 BellaLuna

      Posted

      Go for it. And no you arent the only one at all. Apparently your mental health system is recieving some investments but changes begin to take place in 2020 according to the articles online. I Have no clue what is correct info or not. I looked it up. Doesn't matter if your not the only one you have to fight for yourself right now. Which i love the ideas you have proposed. You only need one compassionate person with clought or money over there to see your story and help you. 

  • johnkov
    johnkov BellaLuna

    Posted

    Don't be too worried about diazepam. The doses you take are well within daily recommendations. Moreover, this is a long-acting benzodiazepine, which means that while it is still habit-forming, it is more difficult to abuse than other medications of this class (alprazolam, clonazepam, lorazepam, etc.)

    Do you take any other drugs? Benzodiazepines will not help you in the longer term, they don't cure anxiety - they only mask the symptoms. I would recommend starting anti-anxiety medication, either SSRI (paroxetine, sertraline), tricyclics (amitriptyline), or even MAOi (phenelzine). While these drugs take a few weeks to have a positive effect on your symptoms, you can still start taking them while being on diazepam.

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna johnkov

      Posted

      Hi, currently i am not taking anything else due to my phobia of new meds, i need therapy to overcome that phobia but it's hard because they wont come to me and with agoraphobia i can't get to them.

      I do need to overcome it though because i know there are better meds that could help me a lot more and have a longer effect on my anxiety than a benzodiazepine, i have been researching them this afternoon and i might just go back to the docs and ask for one, i can use the diazepam to offset the initial side effects too.

    • johnkov
      johnkov BellaLuna

      Posted

      Exactly my thoughts. Diazepam is 'relatively safe' to use - if it helps you, you can keep taking it and there is still a margin for a dosage increase - if it was required. But I would strongly recommend starting a proper anti-anxiety medication in the same time, while diazepam still gives you the confidence that other meds can work. I don't know which meds did you take in the past, but the normal pattern followed by a psychiatrist would be: try SSRI, if it does not work try another SSRI, if it still does not work - try a tricyclic antidepressant, if it does not work - try MAOi. This is based on the safety and side-effects profile of these meds.

      I agree that therapy is important, but I would postpone it until the anti-anxiety medication starts working (normally it takes between 4 and 6 weeks). You are unlikely to benefit from counselling in your current state. Also, I realise that it may be difficult for you to go outside and see the doc due to agoraphobia. In this case the solution would be to ask the doc to come to your place.

    • tess33005
      tess33005 BellaLuna

      Posted

      See if you can get amitriptyline - it helps with sleep as well as being a good anti-depressant. It's very old-fashioned but it helped me a lot a couple of years ago. I don't need it now. And you can take diazepam with it.

      I am a little concerned by the negative comments about diazepam.

      Remember I'm a nurse and midwife, so I do know about doses of meds.

      In fact when I was a midwife and ladies came to the hospital with severe pre-eclampsia, once they were delivered (by C-Section) they got an infusion of diazepam containing 100mg diazepam, every six hours, to prevent fits/seizures. Obviously they had a midwife with them all the time to check their vital signs, but honestly, please don't worry about what you believe to be high doses of diazepam. They're not.

      Read Johnkov's post again and do your best to come to terms with your fear of medications. I know this is very difficult for you, but I believe your doctor is right.

      Love from Tess xxxxxxx Message me any time!

    • tess33005
      tess33005 johnkov

      Posted

      Are you a doctor by any chance?

      Just wondering....

      Tess

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna tess33005

      Posted

      Thanks tess, i believe that i need to take this diazepam, calm myself and then just bite the bullet with an anti-depressant.

      The diazepam might not work but i know that even if it does help a bit it wont last for long, a benzo will never give long term relief so it needs to be something else, i have just been reading user reviews on amitriptyline and wow, so many positive ones! People are saying it changed their lives and the side effects were minimal too, I am crying here because that could be me, i could have my life back too so i am going to go back to the doctor and ask for it, i am so ill that i have nothing left to lose so i should try it xxxx

    • tess33005
      tess33005 BellaLuna

      Posted

      Please DO try it, darling. We all want to see you well.

      Lots of love from Tess. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna johnkov

      Posted

      The meds I have tried in the past have been mostly SSRIs, the doctor I saw today wanted me to try an anti-psychotic, cant remember the exact name just that it began with a Q? I am not keen on that idea, in fact I was once told years ago by a psych doc not to take anti-psychotics for anxiety, I would much prefer an anti-depressant type medication.

      I agree that therapy in my current state would not be beneficial, sadly the doctors refuse to do home visits but I managed to get to the surgery today and could also consult by telephone, they are happy to do that.

    • tess33005
      tess33005 BellaLuna

      Posted

      Quetiapine. That helps sleep, too.

      Have another phone consultation. You're not psychotic. Do your best to get some amitriptyline. Makes much more sense.

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna tess33005

      Posted

      Yes that's the one, i don't like the sound of it, i will get another phone call tomorrow as the surgery is closed now, i think amitriptyline is the best idea xxx

    • tess33005
      tess33005 BellaLuna

      Posted

      My 20 year old neighbour who has serious mental health problems, was prescribed quetiapine.

      It made her so suicidal that Jim (my husband) and I had to wrestle all her other meds off her, hide them, and call the Crisis Team for her.

      She recovered quickly once she stopped the quetiapine.

    • lisalisa67
      lisalisa67

      Posted

      wow tess now it makes no random sense that was what you noted about john being  doctor thing.
    • johnkov
      johnkov tess33005

      Posted

      Tess, no, I'm not that kind of doctor. I'm a medicinal chemist who also has some personal experience with anxiety.

    • johnkov
      johnkov BellaLuna

      Posted

      Hi BellaLuna, while quetiapine may be an option, it should be prescribed by a psychiatrist. You are not psychotic, you don't experience delusions or hallucinations and you are fully aware of your condition. There is evidence out there that antipsychotic medications can be effective in the treatment of anxiety, but they are not more effective than tricyclic antidepressants or older MAO inhibitors. On the other hand, the side effects profile of antipsychotics (old and atypical) is not that great - they cause serious weight gain, sedation, excessive sleepiness, tachycardia and movement disorders (tardive dyskinesia) that may become permanent. You need to find a specialist who would seriously consider the benefits and risks arising from the proposed line of treatment.

      Personally, I would explore other options prior to starting antipsychotics.

    • BellaLuna
      BellaLuna johnkov

      Posted

      Thank you, I must admit the idea of an antisychotic terrifies me and since I am med phobic as it is I really can't see it working out for me.

      I would prefer to start with a low dose antidepressant that has anti-anxiety properties, I would probably need an extremely low dose initially just to get used to putting another chemical into my body but then hopefully I could build it up until I got to the stage where the dose was beneficial.

      I have made a follow up appointment with the doctor for Friday to discuss this, he is not my usual doctor but he does seem keen to help me and I must admit my usual doctor has been rather hopeless in all of this so hopefully I can get down there on Friday and talk to him.

       

    • Katyf
      Katyf johnkov

      Posted

      Hi

      It's me again I took your advice and my psychiatrist agreed to put me on 5mg of aripiprazole been taking it since Friday and I'm starting to see a difference THANKYOU so much x

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