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Never felt more worse in my life

Posted , 5 users are following.

Onestepatatime
Onestepatatime

I have no one to talk to or turn to but this forum for support and understanding. I'm currently experiencing my first (and utterly worst) outbreak whilst waiting for my diagnosis. I know with all my being it's HSV-2 because I match everything that the symptoms describe so hoping otherwise would just be fooling myself. Prior to my fiance I was with someone before but we never had sex nor any sexual contact whatsoever because we weren't ready for that stage of our relationship yet. That was a wise move because we ended up breaking and I met my current fiance and he was the first I had been sexually active with, so it's from him that I constracted this "punishment" from. In fact I'm still a virgin because we never had penetrative sex either simply because we do want to save that for our marriage its just a little hard to resist one another when you're in love I suppose. Ever since we have been "together" i would make sure to remove all of my pubic hair with a razor which would then (naturally) itch every now and then. But the itching got so bad at times it wouldn't go away and would be so frustrating when it striked at the worst occassions. I saw a doctor regarding this and she said that I might be suffering from razor burn to which it made sense because I was shaving so often and it would end up being so raw. Only a few days ago that dreadful itch came along and I ended up with the worst sores imaginable, it's my eighth day tomorrow with these. I have seen the doctors and she has taken a culture/swab for tests and has given me medication which hasn't been helping. Even without being sure of what it is I immediately spoke to my fiance telling him of my suspicions for herpes and he reacted very supportively about it. He soothed my worries and assured me that this won't change a thing between us and that he still wants to marry me. Although he's worried and trying not to stress me out, I'm beyond myself with misery on every emotional and physical level. I'm in such agonising pain it's truly starting to get unbearable for me, the only way I am somewhat comfortable is lying on my back and I have load of responsibilities waiting for me to do so I can't just sit around. I'm crying the minute I wake up both from physical pain but also the fact that I'm stuck with this thing forever. Now I feel like I have completely ruined my sex life.. 

I know my fiance didn't intend to give this to me, he didn't mean it at all I completely understand that but the fact that he's going about his daily life, running his errands, checking up on his friends, going to the gym and doing everything that he wants to do so comfortably makes me resent him so so so much. I almost just hate him for it. Here he is continuing his life normally without any issues and there's me paying for the consequence of his negligence where I can't walk without my skin ripping apart, I can't pee without bursting into tears, I can't sit, bend, turn on my sides when I'm sleeping, heck what sleep I can't fall asleep unless I take something. I haven't told anyone apart from him, not my family nor my friends and I can't tell anyone because they'll all judge me (because I'm not married yet, I'm from a cultural/traditional community). I have to hide my pain from everyone, I have to fake a smile to everyone to look okay whereas I'm dying over and over again on the inside. Tonight we had a family dinner at my in laws and it killed me to even walk up the stairs, everybody was asking me what was wrong because of my wobbly walk. It drove me completely insane to see my fiance running around with the kids looking over at me and SMILING whilst saying hi how are you how are you feeling. I hate him so much at this point I could do with smashing something across his smiling face. Not once has he visited me to see how I'm going or if I need anything, which is why I'm avoinding him because I resent him so much. That's why I've turned to this forum for support because I truly feel like no one but the sufferers will empathise with me on this. It's been so long being in this pain I can't cope with it any more and having someone who knows how it is and how difficult it is would really help my morale. 

I just needed someone/somewhere to vent to...

0 likes, 17 replies

17 Replies

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  • kristy_93126
    kristy_93126 Onestepatatime

    Posted

    You have not had sex with him ? Did he say he had it why don't you have him get tested for this ? Did the doctor believe it was this ? I feel sorry for you
    • Onestepatatime
      Onestepatatime kristy_93126

      Posted

      He does have oral sores occasionally (I had no idea) until I told him about this. It might have transferred when we were "performing" although he claims he didn't have any oral sores in any of those occasions. I guess you can never be too careful with everything..

      Actually he is planning on getting tested too.

    • kristy_93126
      kristy_93126 Onestepatatime

      Posted

      Did the doc think maybe something else or did she say herpes where are your lesions are they open inside where u pee how many where they blisters at first
    • Onestepatatime
      Onestepatatime kristy_93126

      Posted

      She was unsure herself which is why she did the culture/swab test.

      This is quite embarrassing for me, they are located on the majority of my lady bits. It initially began with a few at the top near the lips but since I'm examining them everyday I've noticed they have spread everywhere even to my "entrance" sad it's utterly disgusting I've never felt more mortified to and repelled by my own body.

    • kristy_93126
      kristy_93126

      Posted

      Are any on outside pubic hair area
  • Specteacher44
    Specteacher44 Onestepatatime

    Posted

    Gm, use some yogurt and apple cider finger on the sores, relax, don't get mad, I'm suffering from vaginal discharge odor where other people can smell, pH off, but I've been where u r, don't stress it makes it worse,text me back, everyone handles it differently
    • Onestepatatime
      Onestepatatime Specteacher44

      Posted

      Thank you, I truly am trying to stay calm but my blood boils when I see him leading his life completely unaffected whilst I'm glued to my bed in crippling pain.

      I've been applying zovirax and taking salt/tea tree baths to aid in the soothing but I'll also give your method a try too.

    • Specteacher44
      Specteacher44 Onestepatatime

      Posted

      I know that ur mad, I go thru up down depression, u have someone, use aloe Vera, organic coconut oil, use methods that will soothe you, it's done, so release the hurt, no baths, how much Zovirax are u taking
    • Onestepatatime
      Onestepatatime Specteacher44

      Posted

      The doctor recommended an over the counter topical Zovirax to apply I'm using at least 3-4 squirts of it. It's not doing anything significant neither is the valacyclovir the Dr prescribed sad

      Thank you so much for listening and hearing my story out, it's incredible what a support group can do for you.

    • Onestepatatime
      Onestepatatime Specteacher44

      Posted

      Absolutely, feel free to msg me at any time you wish. You certainly don't have to fight this alone. We are all viewing the same perception no one can understand us better than one another..
  • Trucker1
    Trucker1 Onestepatatime

    Posted

    First off, you're not alone in this. I just found out I had this a month ago, thought it was a rash, well hello! So

    The dr prescribed me valtrex, now as soon as one batch of blisters are healed another starts, and it's moving from one place to another...I wanna die...my sex life is shot now. I feel dirty and useless ..so my advice is don't stress it..what can we do. This is my cross for being foolish and I gotta carry it...I wish u well, and u can always talk to me and vent...you are not alone..

    • angela01249
      angela01249 Trucker1

      Posted

      Hi....I too take the Valtrex.......and I can not live without it....However, my breakout are 3-4 times a year.  Alot of factors play out in controlling that sores.  I have changed my eating habits to less suger  in-takes.  Eat healthy.  Go easy on alcohol and Margaritas....they contain acid and suger contents that can trigger the virus in your body.  Now I only take my Valtex when I sense an itchyness in or on my vaginal or anal area.,  This way I also give my body a rest from the meds.  Try to stay away from tight pants and underwear....cause they trigger moisture which causes itchyness and the virus will react.  Use fragrance free products when taking a bath or using any kind of body products for the vaginal area.  Certain panty fabrics can cause itchyness which will trigger your soar.  And most of all......keep your vaginal and anal area dry and breathable.......that means in the night give it air when you sleep or when you are in your home...do not wear any undies.....air helps to heal sores and wounds.  Take care.
    • Trucker1
      Trucker1 angela01249

      Posted

      I quit drinking, stay away from all sugar, I'm eating more fruits, and I hope it works...I'm on 1000mg of valtrex\ day now...so I guess it's a waiting game..I don't wear boxers at night..that does help..
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