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Hey, iv been put on flu, i was orginally on this other anti-depressant. which i cant remeber the name of..
Anyway, i can't get to grips with anything, my head is all over the place, its hard to concentrate even writing this i feel i have to properly think.
Im always wanting to kill myself OD on the other anti-depressants that i have. the only reason why i dont is because of my mother, and my close friends. other wise i would be 6foot under. this may sound so stupid but very time i go 2 get up to get the pills i always spark up a \"fag\" and it delays the time so i wont do it, and hopefuly my brain thinks of something else.
I find myself crying for no reason, its like i cant help myself, i dont want to move out of bed i find it a struggle to get in the shower, make a cup of tea is a real effort having to stand up for that long.
Before i started to go down hill very quickly i was still happy but i would crave to be in bed and forget about the world and live by myself with no1 around me..
i dont have bad side effects as i have read, like bad sleeping, restlessness. i can sleep just fine but i wake up so suddenly as if im having a panic attack or im being attacked. although i have so bad concentration and loss of memory i havnt really notised anything else, although my mind is only thinking about the \"what if's\"
i just don't want to live anymore, i honestly sit there and pray to god that i will get a fatel disease and die that way rather than do it myself. i have wrote letters to everyone who has a place in my heart, im just waiting for that day when enough is enough.
can anyone relate to me? talk to me maybe?
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