new 2 flu..

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Hey, iv been put on flu, i was orginally on this other anti-depressant. which i cant remeber the name of..

Anyway, i can't get to grips with anything, my head is all over the place, its hard to concentrate even writing this i feel i have to properly think.

Im always wanting to kill myself OD on the other anti-depressants that i have. the only reason why i dont is because of my mother, and my close friends. other wise i would be 6foot under. this may sound so stupid but very time i go 2 get up to get the pills i always spark up a \"fag\" and it delays the time so i wont do it, and hopefuly my brain thinks of something else.

I find myself crying for no reason, its like i cant help myself, i dont want to move out of bed i find it a struggle to get in the shower, make a cup of tea is a real effort having to stand up for that long.

Before i started to go down hill very quickly i was still happy but i would crave to be in bed and forget about the world and live by myself with no1 around me..

i dont have bad side effects as i have read, like bad sleeping, restlessness. i can sleep just fine but i wake up so suddenly as if im having a panic attack or im being attacked. although i have so bad concentration and loss of memory i havnt really notised anything else, although my mind is only thinking about the \"what if's\"

i just don't want to live anymore, i honestly sit there and pray to god that i will get a fatel disease and die that way rather than do it myself. i have wrote letters to everyone who has a place in my heart, im just waiting for that day when enough is enough.

can anyone relate to me? talk to me maybe?

Thanks x

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Newbe

    I know exactly where you are coming from.

    I have been on flu for 10+ weeks now.

    The head being fuzzy plus the lack of concentration and loss of memory are all symptoms. After a while the flu will numb the emotions which is no bad thing.

    I think all SSRI's have these side effects. I have wandered into the other forums on this site out of curiosity and to see if i can help in any way.

    Keep posting as venting your frustration on this site i have found really helps. Even if you think it's trivial still send a post. We are all in the same boat but at different stages and are here to help each other.

    I hope you find the courage to carry on. I have at times felt suicidal as it seems the easy way out but it's not for those you leave behind.

    Have you thought of having counselling? I was apprehensive at first but glad i started. It's good to talk to a complete stranger in confidence. You can shout, scream or cry - they are used to it.

    Good luck and hope to hear from you soon. x :?

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  • Posted

    thanks 4 getting back to me smile

    im in a really bad state, and i look back on what kind of person i used to be and i hate myself for what iv become.

    people are coming to my house to see me and talk to me, only the last time i spoke to them, when i told them that i would kill myself the day i get a criminal record (long story) and he told my mum. so its like i cant trust anyone. so its kind of like im just going to have to figure out my head by myself.

    I no excatly what u mean by leaving others behind, the only reason why i havnt done it yet is only because of my mother, im the only child and i no it would hurt her so much that i dont want her to go through the same thing as i am now. but once that day come when enough is enough then im not going to think about anyone else, and im going to be selfish

    if u have any tips or whatever how u are getting over it.. would be really nice?

    Thanks again xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Newbe

    How are things with you today?

    I've spent most of the weekend in bed, either asleep or trying to rest.

    Tips:

    (1) Avoid alcohol totally at least for the first couple of months. Easier said than done, i know.

    (2) Also avoid any drinks with caffiene i.e. cola/tea/coffee. This acts as an irritant whilst on flu.

    (3) Take a vitamin B complex daily, available at all chemists.

    (4) Take a flaxseed oil supplement daily available in capsules or liquid.

    (5) Find out as much as you can from the internet.

    (6) Try reading 'Depresion, Curse of the Strong' by Tim Cantopher. I got my copy, recommended by another sufferer, from Waterstones.

    Good luck and keep in touch with any woriies/concerns you may have.

    We are all here to help. :wink: x

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  • Posted

    Newbe,

    Hows tricks buddy, hope you are feeling better after the weekend.

    Meganpooch has some great advice there, myself and him have pretty much the same medication and take/do the same things in the hope of getting better.

    I take a multivitamin every day from Boots which has B1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and B12 in it and many others that help the immune system. Also I avoid alcohol and have reduced my intake of tea cos ive noticed how much it can kick my ass!

    My counsellor recommended the book below, \"Depressive Illness - Curse of the strong\" by Tim Cantopher which I have read twice thru (only had it 10 days) and have recommended it to everyone as its such a good book and helped me a great deal. It’s written brilliantly and gives you all the info you could need to get thru in one piece.

    I have had suicidal thoughts, harmful tendencies and wanted to do lots of things to end the suffering asap but similarly to yourself, I don’t want to do the most drastic of actions as I think it would only leave more pain and suffering behind it. I prefer living and im sure deep down you do too.

    I hope you find the courage and will power to carry on this fight with us. We are the depression army and it’s a battle we aren’t gonna give up easily.

    All the best

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  • Posted

    Hey..

    thank-you so much for the help, but my question is. how do you help yourself when u dont want to? how can i open up to a complete stranger?

    i dont want people to help me.

    its really bad guys im low.. really low.

    i have multi-vitamins which i take everyday. and i have one cup of tea/coffe a day.

    Thanks

    Newbe. xxx

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  • Posted

    Hey newbe,

    More than willing to offer advice and try to get you outta the hole but we're gonna need some help from you too.

    When you say [quote:c86c185717]how do you help yourself when u dont want to?[/quote:c86c185717] Do you mean you sincerely have nothing good to live for or to fight for that will make you want to beat this depression?

    Personally speaking I believe you have a lot to live for and in time, using advice from this site, the doctors and some counselling it will help you to see the good that is out there and how much happier you can be.

    Similarly, i think its easier to open up to a complete stranger moreso than it is to someome you know quite well....I happily speak openly and freely to Meganpooch and a few others on this site as i know they wont judge me because they are in a similar position to myself. What have you got to lose, you feel at rock bottom now so the likes of myself and others on here are offering our time and efforts FREE to help you pal....take a leap of faith and join us on the train to getting better.....

    Think about it and get back to us mate, no rush ok. all the best.

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  • Posted

    Hi Newbe

    Firstly, you said in your last post that you don't want people to help you. In the last few days you have sent three posts asking for help.

    Secondly, you said 'how can i open up to a complete stranger?'. What are we? We don't know you or your circumstances, we are all just battling the same illness.

    I saw your first post as a cry for help. Don't beat yourself up about being a different person. The old 'you' will return given time.

    I personally don't like the person i am now. I used to be laid back and easy going. Now i'm the opposite. But i truly believe that i can win the battle and so should you.

    I beleive you have more strength, courage and will than you give yourself credit for.

    Keep at it and keep posting.

    Best wishes xx :roll:

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