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I am a 28 year old female and have spent a lifetime being shy, not confident and feeling inferior. It's always been "in my nature" to be a worrier. I don't like meeting new people, going to new places, doing nee things. I will do them if I have to but I will worry to the point of distraction for days, weeks or months in advance. I make myself ill, don't sleep, sweat, give myself a headache etc over lots of things, generally non - routine events, I guess.
I don't sleep well and have never done. I have been on and off sleeping pills for years. I have also been separately prescribed anti sickness pills because I throw up a lot, for seemingly no reason. I have also had occasional low mood but I think it is a normal amount for normal life. I have been back and forth to the gp regarding shortness of breath many times and they have measured my peak flow rate and confirmed that I am not asthmatic. Last year, an ambulance was called because icouldn't breathe and thought I was going to die. The ambulance said it was panic and not breathing issues, as such.
I returned to the gp last few months back due to bad breathing for more than 2 continued months,, who looked over my history and asked in depth questions about my life and diagnosed GAD. I was in denial for a while because I'm just a "natural worrier".
the gp prescribed anti depressants, which I haven't taken and threw in the bin. I don't like the stigma attached to them and I'm worried I'll get addicted. I've also read that they can make you want to kill yourself. I also think that I've thought about life in a certain way for 28 years and I'm scared I'll think differently. Yes, I worry now but it prepares me for the worst scenario and if the worst doesn't happen, then I worried for nothing but at least I was prepared. I worry if I'm not prepared then people will take advantage and I won't have considered all possibles.
However, since being told I have GAD a few months back, it has upset me. It's like I've just been told that I'm somehow abnormal and think differently to everyone else, which upsets me. I'm also still in shock that not everyone thinks as I do - which I still don't think I've fully accepted yet. I've also become more withdrawn - even more so than before. I've stopped enjoying the things I used to, I've lost my appetite snd lost a stone in a month. I keep thinking that I wish I could stay in bed, curl up under the duvet and disappear. I wouldn't say I'm suicidal but I'm certainly extremely low. It's definitely the lowest I've ever been and usually I come out of this by now but it seems not to be happening for me this time. I worry I'm becoming depresse and I really don't want to take pills because some times I'm ok. I'd say a few hours a day, I'm totally ok but then the low feeling comes on again.
Anyway, my main worry is that I'm 28, still living at home and I'll never achieve independence. I've been with my boyfriend for 5 years and he's not proposed, so I think if he doesn't know by now, will he ever? I believe I'll never get married and I'm going to miss my chance to have children. My boyfriend and I were looking for houses but he got fed up of me constantly nagging him about houses, marriage, kids and the future that he's now said he doesn't want it because I'm doing his head in. When I say I constant nag him, I mean we're talking texts, emails, phone calls and face to face talk from morning to the wee hours of the morning every day for the last 3 years - without any exaggerating. I have been told by friends, family and outsiders as well as him to stop talking about it and that I'm "obsessed" but nevertheless, I seem unable to stop. I'd have to agree that I'm obsessed.
My other fears include the health of my family and partner and I regularly wake up from nightmares they have been harmed or killed in a panic. I insist they tdxt me whenever they go out to make sure they get there ok. I freak out big time if they don't. I also have a fear of flying and had a panic attack last February on a plane, which seemed to be when the bad breathing started. Every time I see a plane in the sky, I think it may fall out of the sky while I'm watching and it makes me feel sick. I don't like getting in cars as I worry there will be an accident. I don't like other people going out in cars. I realise most people worry about their relatives but I find it difficult to concentrate whilst they're driving. I constantly worry I'm going to be attacked, mugged, raped or murdered whilst I'm out - for some reason, my prediction is that it'll be in a car park. Mainly, I worry I'm pushing everyone away and they'll get fed up with me. I'm very concerned my bf will break up with me. It's all very upsetting
All this, and the breathing still isn't fixed. It's very uncomfortable.
Any advice would be great.
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