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Hi I've never used forums before but really struggling!! I'm late twenties and have struggled with anxiety/depression/low self esteem for the 10 years on & off.the first episode was when my mum was terminally ill, I struggled to cope with everything, work, life. We was so close & I miss her terribly. I was put on anti depressant and was on these a few years, I started to feel better so weaned myself off them with the help of GPs. I thought everything was going well until I had a blip 6 months later regarding work & study and totally crashed and was put back on them. I quickly felt a lot better but knew I couldn't stay on them long as I was getting married and we want to try for a baby. I accepted referral from my go for counselling, cbt and trauma therapy which I really felt helped. I felt I was turning a corner so with the advice and help from gp and councillor I again gradually weaned myself off of them. This was just over a month ago, however I'm really struggling. I can feel myself going into myself, my anxiety and low self esteem are rising and I'm trying my best to control them but it's hard. It's starting to make me doubt my abilities in my role, I'm a hca at a hospice. I fell into this work after my mum passed away and wasn't something I had ever done before. I constantly feel stupid in my role and feel a lack of understanding but daren't ask for help. My team are lovely and I think they think I'm so much better than I am. As my low self esteem takes over I get the feeling I need to run, jump ship, I've never done this but it's a hard emotion to manage. I've often had this feeling in jobs where I'm a fraud no good and that I'll get found out!!
i talk to my husband but I know he struggles with what to say to make things better. I feel so alone at times, me and mum was so close, like best friends really. I don't have a very good relationship with my dad either.
i don't know if I should be looking for another job, is it the job that makes me so unhappy and fuels my self esteem and anxiety issue I just don't think I'll be good at anything. As my problems grow I can find myself getting into rituals where I constantly compare myself to others and their job and feel I will never be good enough.
i could go on but I've waffled for long enough, I just wondered do others feel this way?
as I get older will it get easier?
i feel it will always stick with me.
thanks for listening B x
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