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I haven't really thought about the possibility of me having anxiety until about 6 months - a year ago.
From a young age, of around 6 or 7, I hated being alone. If I had friends over, I would actually feel upset when they left. This then caused me to have conversations with myself, nothing out of the oridinary or "crazy", just generalised chit chatter to prevent myself from being lonely. I would usually reply to the conversations as well just like I was imagining someone to be there.
Throughout secondary school, I always had someone I was superglued to. This was mainly "best friends" and boyfriends, all of whom grew sick of my clingyiness and left me. I would literally become near enough obesessed with someone, I would message them everyday, see them whenever I could etc. As this started to annoy people, I would pretend that I had someone there with me, once again starting the conversations up from when I was a child. My secondary school life also caused me to be extremely over-caring and generous, which always bites me in the bum.
The conversations are something that still happens today, although have met my soul mate, who prevents me from feeling alone, when in his company. I have been extremely lucky to meet someone who does have slight anxiety (socially) and therefore can (sometimes) understand my moments of anxiety.
I still get minor social anxiety, but is usually when I am approaching the place, (i.e. friends house, party etc) or when I am about to meet up with a friend. However, the feeling of nervousness and excitement are quite hard for me to determine, so I could be feeling excited but translating it as nerves.
I also feel a lot of anxiety at nighttime. I currently work in a pub, which used to require me to do 6PM-12AM shifts, which eventually I had to stop because I was starting to have crying fits at work and was becoming unhealthy. I feel extremely unsafe and on-edge at nighttime, even when in the comfort of my home. If my boyfriend is upstairs (which he usually is cause thats where the computer is..) and I am downstairs watching TV by myself, I will feel extremely uneasy and will have to go upstairs. Although I am ok if there is someone there with me, even if it is just the cat!
The main reason I have come to this forum is because I want to know whether what I am experiencing is a form of anxiety or something else. I know I should seak a professional opinion, however I have had two years of physcotherapy (excuse the spelling) to which I learned that back then speaking about my issues weren't going to help. Plus as I am over 18 getting free therapy is extremely hard. I am hoping to stay away from doctors and medication as well.
Sorry for the long read, but thanks!
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