Newly diagnosed with depression

Posted , 5 users are following.


I'm Keendy I'm 34, from Leeds, I tell you about my past first.

I met my partner when I was 21 at uni, we lived together and worked together all these years. But in October 2014, he was diagnosed with stage 4 bowel cancer and he was told that he only had about 8/9 months and he had his small intestine removed due to the tumour and had a stoma. After recovering from surgery, he started his chemo every other week for 8 cycles. The chemo was used to stop the growth (well that was we were told) and give my partner the best quality of life as possible (he was told that it was way to advance and we were told that he only had between 8 and 9 months). So after the chemo had finished (April 2015), he wanted a break from it, so we went away for a few days to Scotland and Wales to enjoy our lives together and create new memories. It was lovely. In May 2015, it just got seriously worse. He was admitted to hospital to help manage the pains in his joints and back due to the lymph nodes as the cancer spread to the lymph nodes too. After a few attempts of changing his pain meds he was home for a few days, but he was in so much pain we couldn't control his pain. So again he was admitted to hospital again. The doctors tried many things such as radiotherapy on his back (worked for a few days, but the pain came back) then they tried nerve block, didn't work.

Then they tired to use chemotherapy again, and after the first session, his liver and kidney failed and he had surgery to get a tube into his kidney to release the fluid into a bag. After that he stop eating and drinking. They tired everything.

The doctors at the hospital agreed that they wasn't anything else to do. They tired everything. So they agreed that he should be transferred to st Gemma's hospice in moortown Leeds. This was in June 2015, as soon as we got to the hospice, he was pain free. And we started to free that he could get better but after a day at the hospice we he started to become more weaker and weaker and he couldn't get out of bed and he started to sleep a lot more often. Every few hours or so he started to get more pains in his joints and back. So the nurses gave him more meds. ( we didn't/want to know what meds were given to him) we just wanted to be pain free. So after 5 days in hospice, he died pain free June 17th 2015 at 1045.

So that's my story.

So since taking time off work and adjusting my life without my partner. I've been having bereavement counselling but it seems not to work. I've been having troubles sleeping getting up in the morning for work. Settling done to watch tv is getting difficult as I seem not to be able to concentrate probably. I'm appetite nots been great. And I find it hard to socialise with my friends and work colleagues.

I joined a gym to help me socialise bit I tend not to talk to anyone at work nor the gym.

I been to the doctors today (22/03/16) and I've been given Citalopram 20mg.

I'm finding it hard to socialise, doing the simplest jobs at home. I tend to see my family, niece and nephew which helps a lot but as soon as I leave them I feel the same as I did before I see them.

I don't know what to do anymore.

Thanks for reading and any comments left.


1 like, 6 replies

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    My darling I am so sorry for you lose,you have been so brave.

    It will take time to adjust to everything and time is a great healer.

    Take your meds and try some therapy

    Dont shut people out let your family and friends help

    You can do it you are a survivor.

    You will always have the prcious memories of your patner hold them dear to you

    Take Care

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    • Posted

      It's not that I'm shutting my friends and family out. My friends are very busy with their own life's and it's difficult to plan things to do as we all work full time and different shifts.

      And my own family, they live in Manchester and Nottingham. And my sister that lives in Nottingham has a young family herself. So it's hard for us all to plan family time as again we all work different shifts??

      What can of therapy do u recommend?!?

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  • Posted

    Hi Keendy,

    Firtsly I'm so sorry to hear of your lose very sad news however imagine how strong this bad experience will make you! At the moment you will probably have a tough road but time will help it sounds like you have great resilence as your finding other activities to keep your mood upbeat thats is very healthly we the forum are always happy to hear how people are doing so drop a line whenever talking/writing helps until then take care xx 

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  • Posted

    Hello Keendy I am so sorry for your loss I lost my son age 27yrs a month before his 28th birthday his next birthday would make him ages with yourself.I havr been to bereavement counselling but sadly when I was going to it my father was diagnosed with cancer and dued 10mths after my son.So like yourself I'm a mess my mother then died suddenly 15mths after ny dad doctor gave me same antidepressants as yourself didn't do anything for me changed them to another and so on .No amount of medication will ever help me I feel ur pain life can be so cruel and effects people in different ways im just constantly depressed and that's my life Depression and anxiety
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  • Posted

    Hello Keendy81,

    I am so sorry for your loss, you are being very brave and strong. Nine months is a very short time since your partners death. You say you have tried bereavement counselling and it's not helped, and it's not for everybody. It sounds like your doing the everday things as usual. Adjusting will take time and there is no time limit to how long it takes. Hang onto your memories, there will always be reminders of your partner and your old life. Small steps are an improvement. Maybe the Citalopram will help, give it time and see if it will help. I have been on Citalopram in the past when my Nephew died and it helped me through a dificult time. I weaned off them after 6 months and haven't needed to go back on them. I hope you will start to sleep and have more energy. In the meantime we are around on the forum when you need support, we can listen. Samaratians are always on the end of the line. Talking helps with bereavement. I lost my husband at a very young age, he was 28. Talking therapy helped me, this was group therapy and was a long time ago now, so not sure what is available now. Are you in the UK.

    Best wishes to you in your recovery.


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