No hope!

Posted , 6 users are following.

Wish there was a way! No one can understand what o go through, I deserve it and more but I don't want it! I cut again arm stings like hell, again I deserve it! I know what need to do what I should do but don't know that I can I don't have just myself to think about! Taken tablets and been drinking but it's not enough! Sitting in garden writing this because too scared to go inside right now don't want to live like this anymore it's so hard and no one can ever undestand! Promised psychologist today wouldn't harm myself tonight but as the minutes hours go by its getting harder to keep that promise don't want to live but for others can't die either stuck in this rut stuck in limbo don't know what to do anymore I just don't want to be scared anymore but there's no one that can help

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27 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi dondons,

    I've been there for 16 years, I've been through a lot, so you may want to read this. I made it through everything and with patience im taking my life back. I'm slowly day by day feeling alive again.

    Use this technique. As soon as you start hating yourself about the past. Remember you are now past that, and nothing can be done about what has happened. Notice that harming yourself will add more to the pain of the past. Because tomorrow will come, and you will remember about yesterday. You might have let some chances go, you might have done mistakes, but there is something about life. It isn't about what has happened, and how to undo it. Its about how you dream for it to be, and to work for it to be so. Let all that has happened behind your arms and finally release the burden you have been carrying for a long time i suspect.

    Me my friend started having the first depression, when i was just 3. Back then I decided that I was alone and lost the sense of emotion. The emotions I would feel most, were pain and anger. Anger I chose to direct to myself to selfdestruct me, and pain to make others pitty me so that I could get their attention. I failed until some time ago when I almost went crazy. At that moment I said to myself. All of this can't be true, something becomes true when you believe it. So at that moment i stopped believing things would only go wrong for me, and started taking baby steps every day to improve my life. I used this technique, whenever I noticed my blood flowing with anger, I knew soon later would come pain. So i stoped every thought, and started counting from 10 to 1 backwards and I would totally focus on it. That time is enough for you to let your body detach from feelings from the past that used to make you angry, and will make you watch the reality with more clarity.

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    • Posted

      i hate myself, regarding things in the past, but think how others feel about theirs, even within memories for your own,  im sure urs/mine is far from the worst,

      somethings i kich myself over, cos i feel i handled matters either too cowardly, or too full on n over the top etc, mistakes, vast change in life circumstances, hurting other ppl unintensionally etc,

      as i look back, can only reflect, and use all that stuff i have in my memory banks to my advantage, i knws now too not b too cowardly or be too ott etc, im clam placid, n actually taki ng my time to do things, where as the first 33yrs of my life i acted on impulse, n oh dear lol......

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  • Posted

    without wanting to be harsh, u can only help those that are prepared and do so help themselfs, you have many ppl replying to ur posts, dont ever do anything that you promise you wont, cos thats just not right, you obvoiusly need help and seek it, dont tell ppl ur gonna do it, instead calm down count to ten, and notify ppl, that you may do it, and the conversations will be way more pleasant, and calmer,

    i have never self harmed, never understood it, didnt know how to feel about ppl that did, when i learnt Princess Diane used to self harm, i was troubled and realised its personal to her confused live she was amidst of, i feel for ppl self harming, for me however, i am extremely suicide, and wanna do something horrific, which wud end my life immediatly, but ive sworn not too, to my doctor whilst under her care, however, i used to binge drink for 17 yrs an the past 6 cant stand the sight of it, nor the smell, its really offputing for me, and i find the appeal to self harming is far greater to drinking again, myself like,

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    • Posted

      Thank you for your reply but I'm unsure where I insinuated that I didn't want to help myself?

      I have done and am still doing a lot to try to help myself. When I wrote this post I was having a particularly bad night, I wasn't saying I was going to do it, only that I felt I wanted to, as I do most evenings.

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    • Posted

      ur welcome n no worries, i will be honest, i dont read posts or replys to absorb every detail etc, i glance thru to get a rough over view, how ever wen i reply's i always ensure my content is at least spelt correctly n may be of sum use, thats cool, if u can vent off thru here, whilst awaiting docs appointments or what ever, feel free to drop me a line, if u think it may help,
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    • Posted

      Hi Michael.

      I think maybe it could be a good idea to fully read the post/comments? That way you can get/understand the whole picture and be sure not to hurt anyone's feelings with your replies.

      I may be over sensitive/ cautious or whatever you want to call it? But for me, Reading between the lines is what I do, so when you insinuate that I don't want to be helped or go on to say that you insure that you spell your words correctly in your replies only to go on and misspell the majority of your words? Only makes me feel like you're mocking me? If I'm wrong then I completely and whole heartedly apologise but like I say...for me that is how I interpret it x

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