No idea

Posted , 5 users are following.

Wasn't quite sure where to post this? Anxiety? Depression? General wrongness ?

I've been off work for over a month. Was in hospital for an overdose, took another one which no one knows about but didn't work.

I know I will be sacked eventually . Should I just quit? I don't know which looks better in life?

I hate seeing people or talking to people, I hate the phone. I have been sat with my finger hovering over the green button for hours to call a manager at work. I did it eventually. Luckily I just got the voice mail.

I can't sleep, feel like I can't breathe and can't keep still. I drink too much and am a pain in the arse to the few around me who know about this and don't deserve this.

I just need to know that it can get better? I honestly want it too. I just feel so disconnected from everyone and that I am living in a different world. I think I maybe need to hear from someone who has been there and got through it?

I Dont know. No idea why I am posting here, just desperate??

1 like, 7 replies

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    OK I'm done, I can't even reach out to strangers!
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  • Posted

    Hey Kim, 

    I am surprised nobody wrote back yet. Sorry for that. 

    Dont give up. I've been there. Overdose. Another one and another one. They rarely work. They usually just land you in hospital with nasty stomach pains.

    You may not get sacked either. I live in Canada and while theorettically they could fire me, they wont go to that extreme. My company wouldnt want the publicity of firing a mentally ill, depressed, disabled person. Very unpopular if you are a life insurance. LOL

    I also hate people. Talking to people. Seeing people. Ugh. It's such a pain! But you know what makes it easier? I am on 3 times a day half a mg Clonazepam and that really makes me less agitated and angry / annoyed with people. 

    Yes. things can get better. 

    But what I have learned is that I need to show up at my doctors office and clinic again and again and again and again to be taken seriously. To be signed up for group meetings, to get the right medication, to be considered for trial studies....

    What meds did they give you at the hospital? Did they give you details for a psychiatrist? What is your GP doing? Have you seen a therapist? 

    It takes ALL THE RESOURCES you can get your hands on and then things will get better!! 

    How I know? I dont. But giving up hope is not an option. 

    (And now I am going back to bed with icecream and my dog)

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much for your reply. I'm still here! Although I 'hate' people, sometimes I just need words from someone! Inexplicable and a total contradiction I know!

      I was given once a day 20 citalopram by my Gp and a website for some NHS talky type people. But my work gave me the details of a private CBT bloke. so I had an assessment with him on Monday.

      What flavour ice cream was it?

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  • Posted

    Hi Kim I too an sorry no one replied for so long.   The forum can be quiet sometimes but we are replying to you now.

    The reality is most people do come out of depression eventually.  Sometimes it can be random,  other times it can be with the help of meds and/or therapy.  Depression takes over your life,  and all of us here know that.   Stay with us and we will help and support you all we can.  x

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  • Posted

    Hi Kim,

    My depression has kept me off work for 9 months. I did try to get back and managed 5 weeks in April/May but I didn't feel any better in myself so I couldn't cope. Today I had to let work know if I intended to return to work in the next 6 weeks, otherwise I could resign or be sacked. I thought being sacked was inevitable but i have resolved (with the help of my therapist) to aim at getting back to work in Sept/Oct. It is giving me something positive to aim for (when most days lately I feel like giving up on life altogether). Whatever the worst you are imagining is, it is not a reality and it is just the depression talking. It does not have to be your future. Battling these thoughts is a daily (hourly?) battle but you can be positive and take back some control of your life. I won't pretend it's easy but it can be something you can focus on- what do YOU want for the future?

    Please stay in touch and remember you are much stronger than you think you are. You have got this far :-)

    Big hug,

    Digsby xx

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  • Posted

    Hi Kim

    Are you on medication?

    The things you have mentioned, I can identify with.  I find it difficult being around other people, for me it is because I have alot of negative self talk and I find it exhausting.

    A look or a word can change my day from ok to bad.  I catastophise and start spinning in a downward spiral, but I know this is my depressive illness.

    Maybe you should be signed off work at the moment, so you can take the pressure off and get some help.

    Sometimes it takes all your energy to just do simple tasks.  Working is very difficult when you are so unwell.

    Don't be so hard on yourself.

    The illness makes it hard to make any connections, its not you.

    Try to find some support from people going through the same as you.  This is what I did for the first time this week.  I found a support group, and it really helped to know I am not alone in the thoughts and feelings I have.

    I have just had to accept that I am ill again, and I need to put all my focus into getting better.  I have lost friends as they cannot deal with the 'sick' me.

    So I am trying to find support outside of my friends, so I can get well, and be a better friend again.

    Please remember you are suffering from an illness and you need professional help.

    You are not alone, there are a lot of us out here, trying to make our way through it.

    xxxx  

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