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No Suicidal Tendencies

Posted , 7 users are following.

DforD
DforD

I’m never into hurting myself physically and i am not the type who run away from something just because it got complicated. I’ve always been on the safe side of things, i think, i analyze and consider the consequences of my actions. Most importantly, I make sure i can live with whatever the outcome is. I’m independent. I live alone and support myself, financially and I can do whatever I want. This is how I wanted to live my life! So I should be happy, right. Well, I am, however, lately, i’ve been feeling down, bored, tired even if I am not so busy at all, and just losing my motivation to keep going. I usually convince myself that there’s more to life and that I should not take for granted the life i’ve been given. It used to change my perspective. But now, there’s nothing at all that I can pacify myself. Like if only not for the hassle of my death, I would prefer to be dead. But then I don’t want to trouble people especially that I am not in my home country at the moment.  But I wished I can just stop time. Then I realized, that I am still alive and there is no other option but to go on. So I kept going and will keep going just because there is no other choice. I thought of suicide but I am aware how awful it is to take my own life and I just can’t. 

I am tired of convincing myself there are more to this life because now I can see that there is really nothing for me out there. 

I don’t want to keep going but I don’t want to take my life either.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • Guest
    Guest DforD

    Posted

    I don't think there is anything wrong in being realistic about reality.

    It can be upsetting when you find out that the truth or answer you are looking for, isn't there or doesn't exist.

    Personally I am hanging on by a thread most days.  I've been getting ill most of my life since a young age.  Physically and mentally - it really doesn't matter...they both go hand in hand.

    I try to surround myself with pleasure.  Having a little money can help, go out in the daylight, look around charity shops or handmade shops, art shops... really look at things, and enjoy them.  Go to fragrance shops, like Boots...take in the pleasant smells.

    Go into Fopp and buy yourself a movie.  Now go buy a hot dog from the van on the corner or go into a cafe for a cheese toastie - have a great cup of coffee.   Look at all the little dogs, and babies in prams.

    These are just some things that seem to make my life bearable.

    It is easier said than done though, because when I get really sick I can't even go out.

    Try to make yourself as comfortable as possible, and don't feel guilty about it - try your best to ease your suffering.  We need to face it, life is suffering - it fricking sucks.

    I take medications, that for the most part can ease my suffering.  Stay well away from alcohol ...I don't care what anyone says! ...it makes life more miserable and makes depression 10x WORSE!

    Be a day person and stay away from bars...and don't believe the hype, don't keep up with the news or the media.  Create your own world and don't let others suck you into their relative truths and bull crap.

    You don't need to feel guilty about anything, you are sick, be selfish and don't care about a damn thing.

    One last thing, try your best to show respect to others in public... if you feel so terrible and depressed sometimes - you will be extra vulnerable, especially in public and it will seem that the whole world is trying to push you over the edge. ...in my experience, on those days, stay in or go to the park... or not so busy places.

    Stay realistic, life sucks and it is just suffering.  Enjoy everything you can, if you can and don't feel bad about it, not even for a second.

    • maria19434
      maria19434 Guest

      Posted

      Great advice and very good for me to read tonight. I've spent the last 6 weeks in a black hole of depression. It's very good to read someone else saying what I've been telling myself. You have to put yourself first when you have depression and do only what you are comfortable with ~ this is easier said than done though. I like your advice and it sounds like you're speaking from experience. Kind regards, Maria

  • Guest
    Guest DforD

    Posted

    You seem to be a pretty realistic person, seeing life for what it really is & I guess that can affect one greatly. Yep, there is no other option but to go on ;P - I guess what matters is to give things meaning rather than them really having one. Appreciate the little things instead of looking for big things to give life meaning. Your life seems good - you are independend & free, so you have all the possibilities in the world. There is always something new to learn, maybe find something you are interested in & that makes you excited (language, instrument, skills, helping people etc.) . Looking at things realistically life doesn't make much sense - you are born, you life, work, eat etc & eventually you die..pretty bleak in the end & maybe there isn't more in life, maybe searching for that more & the meaning is only depressing but I guess one misses out on the little things that, in the end, add up to the big picture. Do things you enjoy, learn, find a hobby, surround yourself with interesting people - I guess that is the best advise I can give, not sure if it is of any help but I hope you can learn to see life from a different perspective again as well eventually. wink

  • Adldiane
    Adldiane DforD

    Posted

    Hello DforD. It is clear that you are suffering and it surely sounds like depression. May I ask how long this has been going on and what was going on in your life when it started? The reason I ask is that I always go back to where I was comfortable to find out what changed at that point to make me unhappy. 

    Have you considered seeing a GP for some antidepressants? They have really helped me. And while there could you tell him/her just what you told us in your email and get a referral to a counselor? What do you think of those suggestions? Please keep us posted as we care and we understand. Diane

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