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Having now gone through the horrible Court trial and now starting to come out of the Numbing Affect of being told due to the false allegations made against me which were based on profound lies I have 5 weeks to work with the most important issue in finding myself and my Carer a new flat , somewhere away from the ubuse and torture of this home of 4 years.
Everything else is on hold, I do not have time to become physically sick , nor can I allow my mental health issues to interfere with the pressure of finding a flat in London to house us.
This is like entering into a jungle , there is a stigma about tenants who take benefits across the whole spectrum of property owners in regard to considering letting out thier property to a disabled person or any one reliant on welfare.
I am only just discovering this now as I search continually for what our options are.
I want to feel negative and give up at this early stage.
But I know I am not like this .
I am activelly going to go to every corner of the universe and approach as many people as I can to make the impossible ,possible for us.
I cannot allow myself to begin to fear that we are still here when the baliffs arrive on the day to demand we leave our home of 4 years.
This is a lonley problem that is going to take everything I have to overcome.
Hope is what I have and no matter how wrong this is what has happened to us , there is no time to look into that either.
I plan to walk into our local Shelter Charity Shop on Wednesday and apply to do some voluntary work one or 2 days a week.
This too will rob me of the time I need for my issue to be worked at but the reasoning behind this is to allow me to have some hours of freedom where I am not thinking about my own needs but am doing something that is constructive and will build me up .
Anxiety is a soul destroyer , it wants to rob me of any joy , and it aims to take away all Hope from me, but this can only happen if I allow it too.
It wont be happening if I have my own way.
This is one time in my life I have to succeed and come out the other side still breathing.
I so look forward to reporting back to all you amazing and Inspiring freinds in here that the battle has been won.
It will take time
I am sorry If I am being selfish right now, but as I have said in the recent past there are seasons in our lives where we are to give, other seasons where we are needing to ask for help and other times where we can do both.
Life has never been this hard but I am looking too come out of this and be able to use what I have learned to enable others to move forward with hope and to have self respect and to keep loving and not allow anger and rage of injustice to take our all those good things that we can be proud about.
peace and Joy to all that are hurting, to those who are ovewhelmed with anxiety and feeling so trapped.
If I can do this then trust me so can you get through what overwhelms you right now
I am living with HIV for 28 years
I have Empysema of the lungs and Live complications.
I am in hospital every 6-8 weeks due to Lymphoedema and apart from all this have pretty rotten mental health.
But I am blessed and and not a victim .
I am strong and can overcoming all these things that life throws at me.
peace and Love my dear compatriates.
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