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Posted , 7 users are following.

I am a rubbish person.  Please can those who have had a go at me in here in the past come in and confirm it please.   Then I will know for sure and can make appropriate plans.  I need some help to do this.  I want to be pushed completely over the edge to give me courage

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  • Posted

    You are not a rubbish person. Don't hurt yourself ok. Breathe focus. You're upset and you're allowed to be but don't hurt yourself. What's happened to put you at this point? No I don't think I have had a fall out with you but tough I'm replying to your post.

    Put aside any thoughts of suicide or harming yourself ok, you know that's what you would say to another person on here.

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    • Posted

      If it feels like groundhog day then get a mallet and smack the groundhog. Try to break the cycle, I'm looking into volunteer work, gardening and such. Maybe look for something in your area. Change up the same seemingly days with something new.
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    • Posted

      I am a volunteer already.  The cycle is there and fixed coz the problem is in me and no matter what I have done in my life it won't break.   I would need to change my whole personality to avoid being hurt like this and that is not possible.  

       

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    • Posted

      Ah ok sorry, I have oddball humour, it wasn't meant to be cynical, Good on you for volunteering, I'm terrified about doing it myself. Wish you the best in this fight, don't go over to the dark side, you seem too much of a good person to be any part of that crowd. Nick.
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  • Posted

    Whoa hang on a second!!! I like you seen you're comments and it would be a bummer if you stopped writing on the forum!  Whoever says messed up stuff needs to get over themselves really I mean what would they know about you right? Your not rubbish why do you say that ! If you are thinking suicide please spare thought on what I'm about to tell you, when I was around 20 something I was really dark using drugs most days and major liqour abuse, I decided one day a friend and I would get loaded on some oxycon Trammys and other tabs, well he oded and died and I woke up in the police station with ambulance I was arrested until they knew it was self inflected they didnt even tell me he had gone! Most smart people would be scared off from using after that NOT me!!! I did the same thing 6 mths later took an overdose and awoke covered in water with my father crying trying to revive me I was so wasted and messed up I didnt even remember it was my birthday.

    It took me a while to get off using drugs I still ponder sometimes what it would be like if I used something again but dont go through with it. Killing yourself just deletes any chance of a great life, I have since married and had a child and I often say 'man what if I did kill myself none of this life would have happened! 

    Think about that Hypercat how about we forget about today and you come back on tomorrow and let us know how things are going!

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    • Posted

      I am a lot older than you stevo.  I have had too many todays and too many tomorrows.  You are young and there is always hope when you are.   I thought like you once - good things might happen in my future so hang on in there.  Trouble is they haven't and won't now.  I have had a lot of past and there is not so much tomorrow left now.  At least I hope not.
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  • Posted

    Hi Bev sweetheart

    Whats happened to make things so bad?

    You are the most helpful kind sincere person on this forum and you have helped so many people.

    Give your doctor or CPN a call

    Dont give up Bev

    Lynne x

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  • Posted

    You are a beautiful person who has been sorely missed. Don't let a few idiots or 'know it alls' make you feel marginalised. I have had pm asking about you. We all care about you and your words of comfort and wisdom makes this forum safe and welcoming.

    The only plans you should make it to come back to us ♥♥

    So sorry you feel so low and so sorry you were made to feel unwelcome here. It would be be great to hear from you. Please don't ever feel like you are rubbish. If I governed I would make you a national treasure! ♥

    You have inspired and helped so many. What a dreadful shame that you weren't afforded the same kindness when you needed it.

    Digby has been worried about you and so have I any many others ♥

    God bless and big cuddle to you xx

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  • Posted

    I hope you're feeling better by now and you see that people care about you... Please dont hurt yourself!!
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    • Posted

      I don't do self harm in that sense Jasmine.  That is useless.  The only self harm I would do is the final one.  I just pray for my life to end naturally so I am not forced into making a decision.  That's all I hope for now. 

       

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  • Posted

    Something happened to make me question who I am and I don't like it.   I am not the person I thought I was and have been living a lie.  Had enough of being me,  I want to be a nasty hurtful person so I can make other peoples lives a misery.  I want to twist the truth and tell lies,  be duplicious,  sly,  turn on people,  have a go at them,  be selfish and care nothing for other people feelings.   I am too weak willed and too silly and guillable and stupid.    If you can't beat them join them.  I have to harden my heart and be like them and stop hurting.   Hurt others instead - that's the only way to live and be happier. 

    Nice people get walked on,  s..t on and treated like rubbish.  I have had enough of it.   Others get what they want and need by being like this.  I don't.  I have to change or stop my useless life.

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    • Posted

      Bev ♥

      when I was reading your post, I knew instantly you couldn't be a nasty person even if you wanted to! You may not believe in a higher power, but you have single handedly helped countless people. To me you are truly heaven sent. I wanted to die last year when this illness was kicking my backside. You inspired me, you gave me courage to go on , you made me believe I would get better. That was a life line for me. Some people do mistake niceness for weakness, but the people who are like minded cherish your kindness and hang on to your words of wisdom.

      Don't let the few count and don't let the few change you.

      Your loved dearly ♥

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    • Posted

      Bev

      You could never be nasty.

      I think you are being pushed to the edge with the depression beast and you are hitting out.

      You have helped me so much and gave me so much umph

      Please speak to you CPN

      Ive been there Bev I know it hurts and it makes us frustrated

      Please Please Stay Strong 

      You are not alone you have your online family x

      Lynne

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    • Posted

      There are not a few though Lorraine,  it seems to be the majority of people.  Even so called nicer people play games with my head.  People who I call friends.   They can't be trusted either.  I don't want friends who treat me like that.  People exploit weaknes and play on it.  I seem to be treated as a nasty vindictive person by so many people that how can they all be wrong and me right?   It doesn't wash anymore.   This is real life people not online ones.   Real life not cyber. 

      I honestly didn't know I had helped you at all Lorraine but I am glad that I did and that I gave you hope.   That's good. 

      I don't have that hope for me.   Maybe hope is false and useless.  No I think it is.  Hope doesn't change anything it just gives you a false illusion that things are going to be ok.  I just want this existence of mine to end.  Hopefully naturally so I can just bow out with a minimum of fuss.   I'm tired,  lonely and have no hope.  

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    • Posted

      Councellor or therapist?

      Or even just talk to us.

      I pushed all my family away with depression and I know how hard it can be.

      As I have said before you are a wonderful person and helped so many please dont change x

      Lynne

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    • Posted

      Haven't got anyone Lynne.   I don't think this is my depression,  but just reality.  I try and avoid reality but sometimes it just rears up and hits me in the face.  It's the absence of denial
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    • Posted

      Bless you. I know you have suffered for many years and I'm certain it must take its toll. You have been a fighter all these years, so don't change Bev. Things may be bad at the moment but dig deep and find your bearings again ♥♥
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    • Posted

      Hi Hypercat, unsilenced hater here lol😉 I'm joking. I'm racking my brain, I think I might have upset you , never my intention,I'm sorry. I'm just checking to see how you are. You are a tough lady you hang in there ok I hope you have had a better day, let us know how you are getting on, sweet dreams. Nick.
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    • Posted

      No Nick of course you haven't upset me!    The last 2 times I posted someone (different people) came in and got nasty with me which is why I have been staying away from the site.   In my state of mind I wanted them to come back in to push me over the edge so I would have the courage to go 1 step further.  I didn't mean to make anyone question themselves over it  

      Thanks for your support.  Bev x

       

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