Nobody GETS it

Posted , 5 users are following.

Unless they have it.....real depression.

When I have real depression I find it really hard to communicate period.

To get motivated.

To make appointments.

The last week has been extremely stressful for ME when the things that stress me out...don't stress out people that don't have anxiety and depression.  I have people around me that DONT GET IT.  You guys get it...which is why I am typing here...so someone just says I GET YOU.

We have an elderly person in our family and recently she has had many appointments...and I was struggling to keep my own appointments...and no one else is around to take her..everyone else is working.

I really feel like my head is going to explode each day this week. Plus I have had a stomach problem for the last 3 weeks and it is making me more crazy than usual. 

I am snappy.

I feel like I'm falling off a cliff.

Example: Today...I knew I had to take our "Mom" to a Drs apt. but I didn't expect that she was going to ask me to run to another Dr. for something else...So I was at the Dr with her yesterday and I had given my Dad a ride - so I didn't get home till 5pm...then I cooked and cleaned until 8pm....and THAT WAS WAY TOO MUCH FOR ME...I felt like I wanted to drink (and I can't...I'm an alcoholic)....I really felt like stroking out.  So today when she told me I had to go to ANOTHER Dr..(the same one we were at yesterday)...I could feel my head pound..but what she needed was important...even thou I had plans to DYE my hair the rest of the afternoon (which is a stressful process)..I HAD to take her.

So now..I'm beyond exhausted...and I keep complaining and my b/f just doesn't get it..he thinks I'm a whiner...he doesn't say that...but all his responses show it...and his responses are NOT insensitive..they are just normal responses...but I want to be BABIED...and BOWED to for doing all this stuff...when I feel really awful with major depression and anxiety...and now the bathroom problem...I don't sleep well. 

I have a rocky relationship with EVERYONE around me...family.  And when I say Rocky its really rocky.

Thank God I have therapy on Friday...OH...But...tommorow before my apt for my stomach....I have to go back to the Drs office for "Mom" because the Dr couldn't fill out the paper today and she NEEDS it.  so BEFORE my apt..I have to get up earlier...and go about 10 miles up and 10 back...and then to a housing authority...and THEN to my Dr.  And my Dr. is always a 3 hour TOUR...busy office. 

I'm going to try not to get stressed..but it just happens...my blood pressure raises and even my anxiety pills aren't working...This is all killing me and no one around me gets that I am struggling so much.  They just think I'm a b*tch!

 

1 like, 14 replies

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi misssy

    sorry I've not replied to  your pm. I wasn't ignoring you, but decided to wait till you've seen your dr about your tummy problem. It must be upsetting and very depressing on top of your other issues, to keep running around after other people. You're b

    i think all this running around

    you really need some time out. Some 'me' time. I understand you want to help mom, but she isn't your responsibility. You need to take stock of your life, what to do next, what would you like to be doing and how to go about

    achieving and reaching your goal. You're a lovely person who wants to help everyone, but try not to be so hard on yourself. Get your own health problems sorted, and maybe lay down some ground rules with your boyfriend.

    will pm you later and hope your dr's appointment goes well. That problem alone is getting you down and depressing you,, without taking on and dealing with other peoples' problems. Hope all goes OK for you today..

    take care Jane x 

    i will pm you later, but try not to get too stressed. I know that's easier said than done

    You certainly are not a moaner, but I do think all these situations are putting extra pressure on your own personal and mental health.. 

    it sounds like you're having a really bad time at the moment, which is not  helped by you being at everyone's beck and call. Why can't your b/f take his mum to her appointments?

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    • Posted

      Misssy

      you need to slow down before you burn out. Your health will suffer if you carry on doing everything for everyone. Try and remember you're not SUPERWOMAN. Say you fell and broke your leg and were housebound, who would take mum to all these dr's. Who would do your washing and cleaning? Who would look after you?.

      Please don't think I'm telling you what to do, but I think you should put yourself first. You need to get your health sorted out. Yes, it may sound selfish, but you are just as important. You sound as if you're exhausted, you've recognised that your anxiety is high and your anxiety tablets aren't working and that you felt like a drink.  It's not surprising that you think of drink with everything going on. The more stressed and anxious you become, the more you will want a drink and no one wants that to happen.

      have you told your boyfriend how you're feeling, is he aware that you're in danger of relapsing. I appreciate that you're determined not to drink, but sometimes one more problem , no matter how small, may tip you over the edge.

      As above, I hope you can get some help with your tummy problem, IBS can be brought on by stress, lack of sleep etc, but hopefully you can get it sorted which will bring your anxiety and stress levels down. Xx

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    • Posted

      Vicky...I love you smile.  Yes, my b/f knows how I feel and we did talk last night. Today will be the last day of the running around for a while....he wants to help me...but he fortunately has a job this week for the first time in a long time and we could use the money. 

      YES...I can't wait to see the Dr. today.  I really CANT WAIT.

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    • Posted

      Hope all goes well and let me know how you got on . It's good that you've been able to tell your boyfriend how you feel. Now you've done your duty hospital runs, you'll be able to concentrate on getting yourself sorted and having some 'me' time x
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  • Posted

    Ok Missy2 - I haven't read any of your other responses, as I want to give you mine unbiased.

    I understand that this forum is somewhere where we can blurt it all out - everything that we feel at the time, and there is a lot of sh*t.. some from within, from the past and from what pressure is upon us from around us.

    What we need to do is to break it down into digestable pieces. We need to deal with each issue separately rather than a huge unclimbable mountain.

    We also need to take a couple of minutes every so often to pat ourselves on the back for not turning self destructive, numb through drinking or other things and for not giving up. Yet, we need to find a way to say 'stop'.

    Think about the scary scenario of a plane crash, when they tell you to put your own oxygen mask on before you help someone else putting theirs on. You will be of no use to anyone - however much they have come to depend upon you - if you don't look after you (and let others be with you to do so).

    There are a few constructive things you can do:

    Make a bullet point list of all the things that you feel the need to deal with.

    (Sounds nerdy, I know,, but it helps separating the issues and, trust me for saying it: It does reduce pressure.. Things don't go away but the trick is to find a way to stay on top of it.)

    Give yourself some stars. Not necessarily for what you're doing for others but also for what you are doing for yourself.

    Make time to have a good talk to your partner. Chances are that he feels put aside and doesn't understand why you are spending so much time on others and not on him and you.

    I don't know Missy2 but I think, from what you write, that you are remarkable but there is no point burning yourself out in the process.

    Another thing: What do you actually do for relaxation? Hobbies? Massages? Diet? Going out? Friends?

    However much people mean to you (here you actually ought to assess why they mean so much and why you let them demand so much) - they have no right to stop you having a life!

    I wish you all the best and hope that you will stay as strong as you have so far.

     

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    • Posted

      I do the same thing...don't read other responses and just type mine. Because when I read others..I think mine are either not going to be totally from ME..but muddled with the opinions of others...or I think I have nothing to say because they said it all sometimes.

      The list is not nerdy!  That is SO me...I like to write...and I have been keeping a journal for my therapist.  I was just told by a friend that I look exhausted.  I HATE that...and I HATE what this is doing to me.  Thank you for the reply!

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  • Posted

    Hi,

    I do understand this totally. I have had terrible depression for some years. I'm not in such a bad place just now, but its not great either.  My mum has dementia, and when she was still living at home but it was slowly getting worse, my sister used to look after her, although she worked as well. Eventually she moved in with her. She got upset with me because I didnt have mum over to stay or go over to be with her more often than I did, but I had major depression, and sometimes could see noone or even leave the house.

    Now she is in a carer home, but me and my sister have finally fallen out big time becaue of this.  I moved up to be near then shortly before my mum showed signs of dementia, then she had a car accident and it became alot clearer.  I wasnt happy that we had moved, I missed my old place, and my sister started putting more pressure on me. It was terrible.

    Now my sister wont speak to me and still lives in my mums house with her family even though my mum is in the home.

    Depression is a nasty thing, it can ruin youre life and youre relationships. I cant have a drink either because I am an alcoholic!

    I really do understand!

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    • Posted

      yes, the depression is making me "heavy"...so when I HAVE commitments the anxiety kicks in because I feel overwhelmed and the anxiety is not psychological but the other word - psyhiological (sp)...my heart races and my blood pressure rises. sad.  I had 8 years sober and back then I could be depressed and anxious without thoughts of drinking...but today I have 3 weeks sober...its too new.

      And its my first thought on a daily basis.  Thank you for writting

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  • Posted

    hi Missy I agree with the others - you need to put a stop to this.  Can't the mother get a bus or even a taxi?   You are not the general runabout in the family and they are taking advantage of you.   If your relationship with them is rocky then can it be any worse if you refuse to be their 'slave'?    They might even have more respect for you!    If you didn't have a car what would they do then?   x
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    • Posted

      hyper..that is another stress..the wear and tear on my car.

      I was thinking of the wear and tear on my car this morning!  I'm done after today for a little while...I hope.  Thank you for writting.

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  • Posted

    My thoughts - and I am sure many other's thoughts - are with you Missy2!
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    • Posted

      I'm my own worst enemy...So first I was going to say "No" today to "Mom" because her Dr. called me and told me I had to bring her so she could sign the paper..before taking the other paper she needed.  I was frustrated because I didn't want to go GET HER TOO.  But, I had time after taking my shower and eating some yogurt...So I did call her and ask if she could go then.

      She said "Why couldn't we have gone earlier...I have BINGO".  I told her the TRUTH...because I haven't been able to leave the house and the toilet...she said "OH"...smile....So I picked her up...did our thing.  I had to stop 2x at resturaunts to go to the bathroom.  My apt. is soon.

      Thank God...running around for others is over....Except I remembered tonight is the food kitchen prior to Thanksgiving..and I borrowed an elderly mans bag last time I went there - he offered...and I promised I would bring it BACK.  The last time this food kitchen was open I was DRUNK and didn't bring him back his bag.  I should go tonight....and give him his bag...And that task is something that would make ME feel better...so I'm probably going to push my unwell self to go for Me and him.

       

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