Not happy.

Today i went to the shop on the wondeful estate i live on and got harrassment. That's not even ten frigging minutes from where i live. If you can call it 'living'. I'm fed up. And really angry, i've not taken my pills on purpose and been on some stupid crazy high dancing for 3 hours. At the end the buzz lasted for all of five minutes, five minutes of pretend sunshine. Do you think Monet painted as he did because life was just too disgusting and fake with it's perfect society? That the blots of colour were beautiful to him because it hid the ugliness of the world and you could imagine what beauty could be there? I don't mean in material value, i mean in life itself. I came home and put my foot through another drawer. It's strange, i took my meds this morning and now i'm fighting with myself to take them now at night... to be honest i'm having trouble at literally not killing somebody. Even worse i have to have an outdoor appointment with my case worker. She's going to suggest putting me in a cell. I know it. Perhaps i should just surrender and be put in  a cell because i don't fit in here anyway. Has anybody ever done that? What do you need to do, talk with Dr and say i'm not coping? Or am i just being a wimp?

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