Posted , 9 users are following.
Hi everyone,
I feel like anxiety can't be worse then this. I've not been able to leave my house alone for half a year now. I'm losing grip of reality this way. I'm in this bubble, but it seems like there is no way out. I suffer from generalized anxiety and derealization. I'm feeling anxious over so much stuff. Sometimes I feel paranoid because of my anxiety. I'm 20 years old and I still live at my parents home. I've been suffering from this for 3 years, but it seems like it's getting every day. I don't have a single good day. I don't know how it feels to feel good anymore. Because all my negativity I sometimes can't replace myself in someone else. My biggest fear is losing control and now it feels like I'm control because all of this. I don't come outside normally and almost have no contact with people except 2. I'm lost my entire purpose and I don't feel that I really live. People around me say that I will be fine and all the stuff I'm missing out I can do one day. I've no trust in this at the moment. It feel like I'm losing every time something that I can't get back. I wish I could erase all of this and wake up out of this nightmare and start all over again.
Professional help is on my way luckily, but I feel like I'm trowing myself in something really bad.
Well, this is definitely the lowest point I've been in my life. I've no trust in life and myself.
I really need someone to talk too. I feel like it can't be ignored and I need a plan to get out of this.
0 likes, 43 replies
vicky60291 Contakt2
Posted
I , first i am so sorry you are going through thus ordeal and feeling so hopeless .. There are a lot of people that have the same issues .so know you are not alone .. Our bodies were created to function properly with vitamins and electrolytes ,inwhich our hormones go havoc , causing all sorts if problems and health issues . Vitamins and minerals are vital for our bodies and everyday life . Vitamin B complex , is very important for our nervous system , immune systems , well everything else for that matter .. You said you didnt get out much , so your not getting the vitamin D ( prohormone ) your whole body needs . Please have all your vitamin levels checked especially your vitamin D ., You cant get what your body needs in foods ,,,, only sunshine or supplements ! Vitamin D has a function in every cell , including brain function . Low levels causes , anxiety , depression , panic , low serotonin , just to name a few issues ... I will give you an example : this lady i know started having anxiety panic attacks , she suffered for 2 years , her family put her in a home because she had tried to commit suicide , all her vitals were good , she had no issues EXCEPT the doctors there found her to be vitamin D deficiency , they started her on a high dosage .. In 2 months she had improved by month 6 she was back home almost recovered fully from her ordeal . The doctor had stated that God didnt put nutrients that our bodies need in foods and in the sky for nothing , it is our jobs to make sure our bodies have the amounts of all we need to function properly in every way .. He is right . Please get yours checked ,it may make all he difference in the world .. I pray you feel better soon
Contakt2 vicky60291
Posted
I've got mine checked like a year ago. It came out my levels where slightly low, but nothing major. I take vitamin D now everyday, so I don't think there is any problem over there. I took magnesium on daily doses too, because I wonder if it could improve my well being, but nothing really changed. I think that the possibility that it's all mental is fairly high. I also notice of myself that the way of thinking is just not how it supposed to be if you want to feel good. I can focus so much on negative aspects that the positive ones doesn't feel like they excist. I'm very bad at setbacks. It can spook around in my head in my head for a long time. But generally I just feel very bad all the time. Not only in situation where I'm anxious, but also when I'm in a more 'relaxed' state. That's the only thing I wonder if it could be something else behind my own m
MarvinMartian Contakt2
Posted
I feel your pain. I am older than you. I am pushing close to 50. I loved to travel, I loved to go on family vacations. For some unknown reason I collapsed and had a panic attack on my daily walk over 3 years ago. After that life as I knew it stopped. I am no longer functional and life goes on for everybody else. My wife and kid went on five vacations this year but I can't leave the house.
I have improved somewhat. I still have daily panic attacks but I also manage to get some breaks from the anxiety. For some odd reason I actually had a break for three days that I felt like a normal person. That was the longest stretch I have had. Progress can be very slow but it can improve. At one point it was so bad that I could not sleep for days or even get out of bed. My kid graduates from high school next year. It is my goal to get improved enough to see him walk down to get his diploma.
I started to just drive around the block. It was very hard to do. But today I drove around the block over and over again until I eventually got bored. Bored is better than panic lol. I pushed it farther and drove around two blocks. Yes I was gasping when I got back. In total I managed to drive for 1 hour straight and that 1 block feels normal-ish now. Now it's time for me to get the courage up to drive around two blocks until it also starts to feel normal.
I come up way short as a parent these past few years. But I can't focus on that. I focus on improving myself to beat this. I have come to realize the important things in life. Trust me when I say I lost a lot after I could no longer work. The most important thing is happiness. I wish you well. Nobody can understand this unless you lived it. Just know you are not alone and even strangers on the internet are rooting for you. You are young and have way more time then I do to figure this out. Good luck to you.
Contakt2 MarvinMartian
Posted
I know your never alone with what you have, but I do feel like nobody understands me all the time. It's like my mind is just racing and racing and I can feel very rushed because of this. I got headaches and I just feel like I have to move because of the panic. It feels like I'm losing my mind or something. It has come to a point where I don't even trust myself anymore. I experience this everyday now.
You're right. But I feel like I can't take the first steps alone. Unfortunately I don't really have someone to exercise this, but I think when I finally do get therapy there might be some options. I had periods of time where things went a little easier. I was even able to take the bus again and go alone shopping etc. It never felt good doing it and it made me depressed. That's why there was always a setback after a period like that. Man... Why couldn't I just be less complicated.. Now I can't even imagine myself doing it again.
jean62175 Contakt2
Posted
Hi. sorry to read how you are feeling. I too am a whole lot older than you, I think Ive gone through everything there is to go through with anxiety... if you do not mind, can I ask why you do not go out on your own? I also wouldnt leave the house for too long. But Ive had a number of sessions of CBT & it has given me my life back, yes, I still have wobbles but it has given me the tools to get through them.
So, what I was told to do, go to your entrance, do this a number of times, then when you feel youve got that, go a bit further and further, yes, it is scary at first, but you feel so good when you have done it, not the first time, but after a few goes... go to a shop, walk in and out, next time look at items in the shop, you get the picture, the more you do this the easier it gets, have to say I didnt think it would be when I was told, but it works. your confidence is gone, but you can get it back, baby steps.
I hope this helps a little, we are all stronger than we think so give it a go, I was going to say you might surprise yourself, but I will say, you WILL surprise yourself. Feel better soon & so you know there are some wonderful people on this site, they've got me through many the bad days, so keep asking, they will not let you down. x
Contakt2 jean62175
Posted
It's hard to explain, but I'll give it a shot. There are so many things that are making me anxious, stressed and holding me back.
Let's say I'm taking the bus right now. The expectations are low, because I'm convinced that the change that I'm getting a panic attack is high. I already feel bad at home and I feel like I can't handle all the incentives and this would make it worse. I feel like I'm losing control already and to push myself in situation I feel like I just can't handle it. I'll couple it to situation where I did get panic attacks. Yesterday I went outside to check my post delivery. I already felt bad and stressed. I live in a apartment. On the way back I came across one of my neighbors wen I needed to open the door below out apartment. My heart began to raise and I felt completely panic. I was worried she would see my anxiety and it wasn't a situation I could walk out alone. Ok, thinking back, nothing really bad happened, but the feeling was very bad. I felt paranoid on that moment. But I was social and I did say hi and all of that. Well, those positive moments are very hard for me to sink in. The negative ones are the ones who stay. I will couple it to every little situation where I have to go outside and be social. I feel like I need to hide myself, but I don't want to. When I'm at home my mind is thinking and thinking and also create anxious irrational thoughts and also that I will couple with going outside. When I don't do things I know or at least feel like things are getting worse. Derealization makes all of this worse. That's why I also said above that I don't even trust myself anymore. It's like one big crisis and I just wish I could erase all of this. I just don't know where to begin anymore. I don't know what I want anymore in my life.
Alright, this is the best way I could explain how it works. I did CBT before, but I didn't gave good therapist who really could help me out. One day they just said they couldn't help me anymore and they kicked me out. I'm now struggling with myself without any help for almost a year now.
ann55375 jean62175
Posted
i am also older, in fact i am retired recently. i am having no success. you have been really successful with CBT and it seems to have helped you get better. i just find i cannot force myself to do it. i can go out but not by myself, i seem to need someone with me. i remember being like that as a child not wanting to go to,school without a friend with me etc. they have tried medications on me but i just cant tolerate them. do you use any medication to help?
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
Did you see a psychiatrist? I think you need medications. You should not suffer anymore. I was afraid to take Xanax because I read about addiction on the Internet. Then, my anxiety made me unable to do anything. So, I take the meds for quality of life, I don't care.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
Not yet. I'm waiting for professional specialized anxiety help. Next month I'm going go start. There is also an option to do day treatment which totally sucks of course, but may be necessary. I'm also going to do group therapy probably. I'm curious how things are going to work out. I'm out of society for a while now and it feels like a very big step to step in again.
I'm not a fan of medication to be honest, but something like Xanax of Oxazepam may be helpful, although now it freaks me out only thinking about it. I've been taking prozac for some time, but stopped because it didn't have any benefits for me. I've read books about medication for anxiety and actually I'm convinced that something like a SSRI isn't going to work out for me. Something more direct may work though. It's just now that I feel like I'm walking on a edge of losing myself and I'm afraid something like medication will give me that last push or something. I'm also feeling away sometimes. Like if somebody is talking I don't really get all of the information all the time. That freaks me out as well. Probably just another anxiety symptom though.
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
I was used to not afraid taking medication. But, when my doctor gave me Zoloft, he said "take this, you will feel better". I did not read side effects on the Internet. I took it at night with hoping better on the next day. But, I was vomitted and felt terrible. I took it for 2 weeks and doctor told me to stop. Since that time, I am very afraid to take antidepressant pills.
I tried a few more: Paxil, Citalopram, Pristiq. With these medications, I took only one or two days because I was afraid side effects. (I did not have Xanax and Ambien at that time.)
I refused to treat by medication for a few months. I went to counseling and did meditation. My anxiety was getting worse, not able to work, was depressed, wanted to end my life.
So, I went to Psychiatrist who specialized in anxiety. Besides the antidepressant, Duloxetine, he gave me Xanax and Ambien.
Xanax is just for short term. It helps me alot, make me calm down, not afraid to take the Duloxetine. I have to take my sister who is mental disability to cancer treatment. I was afraid to go there. Now, I take Xanax before going to the cancer treatment, I was fine.
You are very young and at the most wonderful age in life. 3 years is a very long time. You should enjoy your life. I can only advice you to trust your doctors and not afraid to take medications. Antidepressants takes 5 or 6 months to feel enjoy life. You might feel a little bit better after 6 or 8 weeks. And, you might have bad days and good days. It is up and down a lot. Side effects of antidepressants might take 2 to 4 weeks. So, try to stick with it, if you can.
If your doctor give to benzodiazepines (Xanax, Ativan, ...) , should not afraid to take it. If you feel anxiety, bad, just take it. You take it, you feel better, you can go out, enjoy your life. It is quality of life.
When the antidepressant kicks in, you can stop Xanax.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
I have to mention where this anxiety comes from. One of my triggers was taking mushrooms when I was 17 years old right before I actually began to get anxiety attacks on daily base. I still regret it till this day. I feel like this experience had gave me that last push to where I am in now. Besides this I had a few other triggers as well, but that's not really important now. I already didn't feel good at that time I must say. I've already had weird anxiety stuff like being afraid sleep alone in my house etc. (still have them now).
Anyway, because of this I developed for alcohol, coffee, but also medication. I've read a interesting book about anxiety, depression and medication. I just don't think a ssri would benefit me because of the placebo effects and everything else I discovered. I still believe in something like Oxazepam (I think that's a similar alternative of Xanax which is common over here). Soon I'll get therapy and also contact with psychatrist and we definitely going to talk about medication as well.
Btw, (I know you mean it in a good way), but saying I mis the most wonderful time of my life makes me kinda depressed. I know I am missing out a lot you know. I just want to be normal and anxiety free, but it feels like a never ending story right now. There is not a single day where I feel good and be at peace. I lost my entire social network, school, job and I can't even visit my own family on a normal way.
Sometimes I do wonder if this is all anxiety related or that I may have something else as well. It feels so overwhelming to put myself over things and change the way I feel and think. I can't even cry over things. It's like I can't let my emotions go out and I'm stuck.
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
I am sorry to make you feel depressed. I tried to make you not to afraid to take medications to cure your problem.
Oxazepam as you said like Xanax, so it is a short term medication. I don't know how many months is short term. My doctor explained to me that Oxazepam is to stop a fire, and antidepressants is to prevent a fire. You can take antidepressant for many years, but not benzodiazepines.
You should not believe the book 100%. People has different opinions on medications.
And, I forgot to tell you that I always chewing something. It will distract your brain. Peppermint is good for anxiety.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
You don't have to be sorry. I know it's true. I'm afraid that I mis my entire 20 to 30 years of life. Hopefully I'll get some hope soon, because now I just don't know what to do anymore and where to start. I think there are some crucial parts which I have to learn and accept. It's hard, especially without help, but hopefully it will change.
Yeah, they say Oxazepam and Xanax are pretty addictive, but you know, if it really helps I just need to take it. I think that when you take antidepressants the problem is still in you, but it is suppressed. I think it's more beneficial to actually cure and fix the problem instead of suppressing it. Oxazepam and Xanax may be helpful in occasions where the anxiety is so high that you can't think straight to make yourself relax. That's how I look against it at least.
Sure, but there is a lot of evidence though.
I already take chewing gum or peppermint when I'm stressed. It's indeed helpful, especially the strong ones!
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
I understand it is hard when you are afraid to do something, but you want to do it. Before you go out, chew the gums. Your brain will change focus on chewing and swallowing.
Do you have someone who can take you to the park and walk with you, but not very close to you? So, you can "practice" to walk alone.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
Pfff, it's very hard. Today I had unexpected visit when I was home alone and I was shaking on my legs, my heart was raising and I couldn't look the person in the eye anymore. This feels like another step back. I don't know how get through this... This are these setbacks I was talking about.. I find it very hard to take my s**t together and think like the next time everything is going to get well. It's like another negative experience I safe inside my head.. I hate my life.
About walking in the park, yes I have someone, but it feels like a big step again. Right now I don't know it anymore.
Especially my social anxiety the last couple of months is very very high. It's giving me so much stress all the time. Even talking to family members is difficult. Can you believe that?
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
See.. you got through talking with your visitor. It is a victory! You don't need to talk a whole conversation with your family, just say one or two sentences. For example: the food is good or It is cold outside. One step at the time. I hope when you see the professional about anxiety, you will be better. You will beat your social anxiety.
I understand your fear. It is easier than do it. I have a fear any animals with no legs: snakes, worms,... I cannot look at them, even a picture of them. I don't know how to not to afraid them. When I walk, before every steps, I look around carefully. I think that fear is with me forever.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
It's hard to see it as a victory when I felt lots of panic. I even walked away for a bit, because I couldn't handle it.. Not a positive experience at all. I'll hope that I can push myself through it the upcoming period of time. It's going to be very difficult, but I have no choice. Maybe if I am confronted with my fears for a longer period of time the anxiety with be slightly less.
That must be a difficult phobia. You know, you can't really avoid people and I actually don't want too, that's why it's so difficult. I've been confronted with this for a long time. I'm so done with this. This is no life. I want a life and if it's a simple one I don't really care. I just can't handle living like this.
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
Next week or so, you will see a counselor and a psychiatrist. They will help you to fix your problems. You will have a happy life. I think you need to take medications. Your social anxiety disorder problem is not your fault, it is chemical in your brain does not work correctly.
Do you stay in your room all day? Do you have friends to hangout?
I am wondering why eating the mushroom trigger your anxiety? Which country do you live? I live in Florida, US.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
Basically yes and I am bored, but I don't have a lot of options. I had friends to hangout, but I lost my entire social network. I have not been hanging out with friends for a year now.
You do know that I mean magic mushrooms right? I've had a bad trip on them. It's a while ago now, but personally I think it has triggered something in me some how and it's not pleasant. The most ridiculous part is that you just could buy them legally in a local store.
I'm from the Netherlands.
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
No, I don't know magic mushrooms. I searched the Internet, it said the mushrooms create feeling relaxed and hallucinations. Right?
If so, maybe it triggers your anxiety. A son of my friend, he went to a party, he smoked something illegally. After that, he was worry, could not sleep well for months. So, he had to take medications for anxiety disorders.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
Oh yeah, it was a weird experience. Too describe the effect in short; it felt like you where in a different dimension or something. A few friends with quit some experience back in the day of mine who took it as well said that it was the heaviest stuff they had taken so far. I had a hard time getting used to the effect. After a hour or so I was a bit more settled and the stress and anxiety where a bit lowered. The feeling of being uncomfortable is something I still experience today. I don't know if it have any to do with the drug. After all it's already 3 years ago.
Besides this I smoked a lot of weed too. Sometimes it didn't felt good as well. My first panic attack was when I took weed. It was in college and I did it right before class began. Right away a panic attack and I was super scared even to walk out of class. I was too scared to take the bus and I walked at home for like 3 hours or so. Sometimes I wonder if my derealization is caused by this, but I doubt it though.
I was so stupid at the time. Take in mind I was only 16/17 years old.
Before all of this started I suffered from domestic violence. I had not a safe steady home and I have lived at many different locations.
So I searched for relieve and that's why I took it. I regret it, but I do understand my younger self.
Well, this are basically my main triggers I guess. I have been more sensitive for anxiety otherwise my friends or my brother had the same as I, but I'm the unlucky one I think. I always try to think to this positively and try to see it as a opportunity for personal growth, but now it's hard. I'm feeling kinda hopeless. I even have a hard time opening my own front door for a stranger for example. Today I had a bad day as well again although I tried some meditation and I had walked in the park.
Do you know how he is doing now? I'm kinda curious.
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
He took Ativan and antidepressant med. He is fine, now. It was many years ago.
You should keep walking to the park every day, not skip it (if the weather allows). When you have confidence, you walk to some places else.
I have a trouble, too. I used to walk to the park every weekend. Since I had anxiety problem, I have not walked to the park about one year. Now, I am afraid to walk to there. I am just not feel comfortable to walk there.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
Good to hear and at least that's a little hopeful.
Yes, but I can't do it alone yet. Tonight I walked through the mall and it went sort of ok. Something that ridiculous is even difficult for me now. I can't walk through the stores and I can't be left alone. The last bit I walked alone towards my house and it went hmm, ok, but not relaxed. I felt kinda paranoid of all my stress. Anxious that I would walk across someone and have to communicate. Life can be so hard. I wish I had a simpler mind.
Can I ask you why you're anxious of the walking in a park?
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
I still have anxiety often during the day and every day. I am afraid if I have panic attacks and tired. There are many people walk there and I am afraid they might not ask me why I did not walk for a long time. I walked to the park with my husband a few time, but I need to be back on my own. Since I have anxiety, my husband went with me most of the time because I was very tired and nervous to drive. So, maybe I get used to that.
We will be back to normal. I am sure. It just take time.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
I understand. I have the same. When I walk with my mom everything is kinda fine, but when I walk alone it's a different story. I'm constantly seeking for distraction, but this actually makes it worse I think. Yesterday I was very done with everything and I drank 2 beers which is something I didn't do for a very long time. I've walked outside alone for like 15 minutes. It was hard, but it went ok. I feel like at night it's easier, because it feels like I'm less in the spotlight. I was so done, I thought I'm just going to walk straight all my anxiety barriers. Today I'm going to try it again. I have to continue otherwise I did it for nothing. Hopefully you could get a similar moment like that.
tracy3210 Contakt2
Posted
I will try this weekend. If I can walk to the park alone one time, I can do it again. I need to gain my motivation back. Sometimes, I am in pain and headaches, so I am sad.
Contakt2 tracy3210
Posted
Good job. For me personally having some working earphones with loud music is helping me out right now, it may be helpful for you as well. It's still very hard though. I'm only walking at night right now. Tomorrow I am planning to walk alone when it's daylight. I'm not looking forward to it lol, but living the life I have now is not worth it, so I just want to break through it right now and at least hold this for the rest of my life. I mean, if you can't even take a walk...
I understand your pain of course and the motivation thing is something I recognize as well. A lot of people don't understand it and call me lazy sometimes and that makes me kinda angry.
I wish you luck:)
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