Not Such A Great Day - Venting

Posted , 4 users are following.

2nd day back at work and it was stressful. Meeting some the new parents of kids I'll be getting and they are intense. Last year I owuld have been more stable but I was anxious the whole time. No horrible anxiety. Just on the surface anxiety. I was able to communicate well and kept the anxiety at bay.

?Watched the US women's team today - they tied but my anxiety started to creep in. My heart racing and my mind wondering. Worrying about things that haven't happened or things I can't control.

I'm home now drinking my tea - chamomille waiting the primetime Olympics to comes on.

?I have been sharing with close friends about my anxiety. They were so quick to be supportive. What happened to me? Where did things go wrong? What was that mechanism that clicked anxiety in my brain? Questions I wish I had the answers to.

?Sometimes I'm on the edge of tears but I fight them back. I can't let this control me. I have to keep strong.

?I have my talk therapy appointment on Friday. I'll definitely share my thoughts with her. Hopefully she'll have some insight that I can focus on.

?In the mornings, I don't turn on the tv and I focus on staying in the moment and calming myself before the day begins.

?I have been able to get through these days with anxiety lurking behind me. Waiting for it's moment to pounce.

?I don't want this. I didn't invite anxiety in my life but it's here. What lesson do I have to learn from this?

?I do know that so many of you understand my situation and can empathize with me. Giving me words of encouragement and reassurance. For that I'm truly greatful.

?The nights are ok with me and my anxiety. My mind shuts down a bit and do feel a sense of peace. I want that peace to continue. I want it to thrive.

?Sorry for the drawn out post today. I just need to express my thoughts. Thank you for listening.

XOXOXO 

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm having just the opposite issue.. My anxiety was lowered pretty much all day, and mine always picks up at night. Its 1209am here so of course it's in full swing.. Mine usually doesn't really begin until around 4pm when I start anticipating darkness, less people to find comfort in, etc.. I so wish I could switch my anxiety around so I could actually sleep haha. Anyways I hope your day goes better tomorrow!

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  • Posted

    Hello there dearsmile

    I read your post a few times to think it through before I responded, so, sorry for the delay in geting back to you.

    Your friends are wonderful in doing their best to help you through this, kudos to them. Personally I don't believe the why, the reason you are as you are, is relevant or of importance. Because once anxiety is established, it's the here and now we must deal with. Finding a cause might bring an understanding of why, but it will not heal you.

    It was interesting you stated the anxiety was waiting to pounce. So what does that tell us? That you are in a state of heightened awareness, a state of tension..wathcing and waiting for it. That smacks of fear. You are still fearful, thinking the worst, inwardly shrinking.

    Tears. Why hold them back? It is not a sign of weakness. It is not an invitation to invite the anxiety back in..far from. Crying, like laughter, releases stress. It's far worse to think/believe, If I let go I will be worse than ever! I have to hold on! I have to keep a grip on this! The truth is such thinking is exactly what will let the anxiety rush back in.

    There is no quick cure, Tip. No magic pill. So what is there left then? The right approach. The way you think about and view the anxiety. Not with trepidation but with calm acceptance. Not fighting to keep it at bay but understanding that nothing awful will happen to you.

    Many anxiety sufferes fear losing control, making a fool of themselves in public. Being horribly embarrassed and shamed. This never happens. When one considers the high statistics for AD sufferers were this a reality we would, upon a daily basis, see people passing out or running screaming down the streets all over the world smile

    Fear is the most unpleasant emotion we as human beings can suffer. But much of the fears  we experience, we manufacture in our own minds, and has no bearing upon reality of the situation.. Once we come to terms with this, we can do much to alleviate the terror that bombards us.

    Have patience. When you are relaxed on an evening try to gain some rational perspective where Ad is concerned.

    And remember, we are all in this together.

    xxxx

     

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  • Posted

    Tip, you are doing well, dear one. Are you doing your breathing at school yet. Get your class on this fun project as soon as possible. It would be a great way to start your class every day, and begin with a calm and focused group. Hugs
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    • Posted

      Hey Helen, your post never came through so I missed it sad Not doing the breathing exercises yeat, school starts next Tuesday. But will definitely keep in the forefront of my mind. A brilliant idea!!

      ?Today was pretty good day. The anxiety was there but manageable. I know that I have to take one day at a time and I will continue to do so.

      ?Mornings are tough for me, I wake up with a racing heart rate and have lie in bed focusing on my breathing. I focus on nothing but clearing my mind and focusing on the day. Not always that easy but a committment I'm sticking to.

      ?I have talking therapy on Friday so I'll see what we can get accomplished.

      ?Don't see my nurse practitioner until the end of the month. I'm taking klonopin but feel I need a little something more - to take the edge off more.

      ?Do you guys having any suggestions about what to try in the mornings. I try to breathe and focus but any other advice would awesome!!

      ?Looking forward to hearing from you!

       

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    • Posted

      Yes, an excellent idea. The kids offical come back on Tuesday. I go into work now to get myself organized. Lots to do but I'll manage.

      ?Thank you for all your support!! You are amazing!!

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    • Posted

      Hello dear...the gist of what I posted concerned  that I think your friends are wonderful in doing all they can to talk through and help you. Personally, I have never believed that knowing the what and the why anxiety is triggered in us, is of much use. It's very existance is what we have to deal with. We have to tackle the here and now. Knpowing why in itself does not heal but merely brings a measure of understanding and diverts us from thinking we have something incurable.

      Tears are not a form of giving in, Tip, nor of weakness. Tears, like laughter, are a form of stresst relief and will not invite anxiety in, on the contrary,they have the exact opposite effect.It is the struggle to surpress them that invites anxiety back.

      The very fact that you mention the  anxiety lurking, waiting to pounce suggests a state of heightened tension, an awareness as though you are just  watching, waiting for it to overtake you. It's a residual fear and because of it your symptoms will not recede, far from.

      Keeping a tight grip on yourself is the worst thing you can do. Imagine your nerves like guitar strings, wound too tight they twang. I can't let this control me, I have to be strong? suggests that you are fighting. Fighting only exacerbates anxiety in.All AD sufferers always have one fear in common, that of losing control before others, of embarrassing themselves in public, of being shamed and humiliated. And yet this never happens. The fear of it is manufactured in our minds and does not exist outside of our imagination. And so when you practise your breathing, when you are relatively calm, ask yourself that very question, What am I really afraid of? What do I really think will happen to me during an anxiety/panic attack? The answer might surprise you

      Mornings are always difficult. Our first thought it always, How will I be today? Will I cope? Will I feel faint, nervous..and so on and so forth. Staying in the moment and breathing techniques are both excellent because they give your mind something other to focus upon as opposed to the symptoms that hover.

      You are coping admirably, Tip. You need to remind yourself of that.

      Biggest hugs....Helensmile

       

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  • Posted

    Hi Tip,

    My friends daughter is a teacher and she also experiences exacerbation of anxiety in reaction to the new school year and especially at parent teacher conference time. Not fun to go through that emotional suffering I know. It does get better for her as the school yr progresses, she feels settled/in control of her classroom and it will for you too. She is great with the children, a very competent teacher and I know you are too. Normal to feel the stress at the start of the school year. New beginnings are stressful and so is interacting with parents who are much more savvy and demanding than they were years ago. Give yourself a lot of credit because when you are prone to anxiety or even if it's just limited to performance anxiety these stressors are a lot more challenging. Anxiety people are very brave people to go though what we go through. Meet those parents with confidence taking an attitude from within yourself that you a successful teacher and don't let their demands intimidate you. Will be cheering for you.

     

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    • Posted

      Merianna, thank you for your kind words. Teaching have the emotional rollercoaster of stress and anxiety.

      ?School starts next Tuesday, but have been at work getting the classroom ready. I'm a special education teacher, so by workload is quite different from a general education teacher. Nonetheless, stress is stress. Anxiety is anxiety.

      ?I appreciate the well wishes. Keep them coming!!

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