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Mashuga
Mashuga

Hi all I'm 34 and I've had despression and psychosis for the last year or so and although I am better than I was a year ago I'm still really struggling. I've spent two months in a psychiatric unit and am now in the care of an early intervention team. There are really great and offer lots of help. I've been suicidal for a good while and my care worker has to supervise my meds in case I down then all. I feel very numb and emotionless but I do get very down especially of an evening. It's like nothing penetrates. Food is tasteless and I feel no enjoyment from anything and look forward to nothing. There is no joy in anything. I'm now on my third antidepressant which is venlafaxine and waiting for it to kick in. Most nights I pray that I won't wake up in the morning. Don't know why I'm telling you all this just needed to write something. Does anyone else feel this way? Thank you for reading this!

1 like, 19 replies

19 Replies

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  • KMRC
    KMRC Mashuga

    Posted

    Many of us feel that way, Benny.  Keep up. The good fight, it will get better, eventually.  Depression=struggle.  But it doesn't have to win.  Go for a walk. Do something for someone else.  Giving back to one less fortunate than you (and there are plenty....) will uplift your spirit.   Won't cure you but will be a baby step towards recovery.
    • Mashuga
      Mashuga KMRC

      Posted

      Thank you for your advice it means a lot to get a reply smile I will try and keep my head up. Hope you're ok and thank you!
  • lorraine52317
    lorraine52317 Mashuga

    Posted

    Hi benny

    Thats how i felt before starting venlafaxine, I have now been on it for four weeks and have found it works wonderfully well. I took me 3 ADs before the 4th one worked. (I also take mirtazipine) your depression will sick the joy out of everything, but with the right AD you will start feeling better and life will seem so much better. You are still very young, with lots of life and joy ahead. Depression tricks you into believing you will never get better. You will! It sounds like you have stopped believing this. I wished for death last year, this particular illness is so very cruel and people who haven't suffered with depression have no clue of the level of despair a sufferer feels. I would say to you, everything has a time frame, you won't always feel this way. You have a lot of living and joy ahead. Make sure you take your meds regularly and you should find venlafaxine very good for lifting your depression. Stay strong, head up, and every time a negative thought comes into your mind, try replacing it with a positive one eg. When i get better im going to do;??? .......plans for your future are important! Treat your negative thoughts like an unwanted guest!! Kick them out! Stay in touch

    god bless ♥♥

    • Mashuga
      Mashuga lorraine52317

      Posted

      Thank you Lorraine that means a great deal and thank you for sharing that you've been on various meds and your struggle. You're right about everything and I will do my best to think more positively. I will keep in touch and hopefully things will get better soon. X
    • hypercat
      hypercat Mashuga

      Posted

      Hi I agree with the others and I really hope you are feeling a bit better very soon.  One thing I do is every time I have a negative thought I immediately follow it with a positive one ie negative - I am a lazy cow for being so late to get up this morning.  Positive - well done for getting out of bed at all feeling like this.   I have realised that I now do this automatically.   Try it.  x
    • Mashuga
      Mashuga hypercat

      Posted

      Thank you and you're right to try and challenge the negative thoughts. I'll do my best to follow your advice smile I hope you're ok and I really appreciate your reply. X
  • paul75690
    paul75690 Mashuga

    Posted

    Keep strong mate. There is a lot of happiness to be had out of life if you keep searching. Tough times don't last,tough people do.

    You will have a lot more going for you than you realises,it's just a case of searching deep.dont wver quit on yourself.fond something that gives you happiness and focus on it and take little steps from there. You need goals and a starting point. Be strong bro

    • Mashuga
      Mashuga paul75690

      Posted

      Thank you Paul really appreciate it, I find that nothing really gives me any happiness but I'll do my best to keep my head up and keep going and hopefully find something I can focus on.
    • paul75690
      paul75690 Mashuga

      Posted

      That's the thing with depression mate,it is a big mask. It mask over things you enjoy it beleive me underneath the mask there is happiness for things somewhere. As I say it's a case of digging deep. It will shine through eventually and the medication will help that happen.these are not just kind words,they are facts and you have to we believing. . You will have ups and down along the way
    • Mashuga
      Mashuga paul75690

      Posted

      Cheers Paul I know you're right and I will keep plugging away! Hope you're ok smile
  • richard89308
    richard89308 Mashuga

    Posted

    It will take a month for the tablets to work so keep calm and take it as easy as you can.
    • Mashuga
      Mashuga richard89308

      Posted

      Thank you Richard! It's a case or repeatedly reminding oneself that they will work eventually I guess.
  • JackDM
    JackDM Mashuga

    Posted

    Hi Benny,

    im new here too. You have my sincere empathy. Depression is a monster, it can make life very difficult. Something I've noticed about people that suffer depression (I know lots of people with depression because I've been hospitalised many times) is that they tend to be some of the most patient and kind people. Life isn't easy for those of us who suffer depression, so we know a thing or two about struggle and hardship. I used to take Venlafaxine and I did find it very helpful,,particularly for my anxiety. 

    My only advice is that it's early days yet for you on your current treatment plan so go easy on yourself, don't expect too much of yourself. I think you are doing the right thing by looking for a therapeutic community online. Sadly the torment of depression and other mental illnesses isn't understood by the majority of people and as far as I'm concerned that includes GPs. It sounds like you have had a very rough year. I hope you're now on a new page, where you can begin to manage depression.

    like I said, I'm new here too, but I'm sure you'll find good advice and kindness here, that's always been my experience of other people who suffer with depression.

    • hypercat
      hypercat JackDM

      Posted

      That's a great reply JackDM.  Welcome to the site.  We are a very supportive and kind bunch so please stay with us.  x
    • Mashuga
      Mashuga JackDM

      Posted

      Thank you Jack I really do appreciate it and you're right depression is such a monster but I am beginning to express how I'm feeling and this is a major step for me. Thank you for your advice and sharing a little of your story. I hope you're ok and thank you! smile
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