Ok... I know this might sound weird but here I go...
Posted , 2 users are following.
OK... I'm one handed typing on a phone so sorry for any spelling errors and crap. so I'm only 13 and I have been dealing with this for my whole life and I'm done with it by now. it mostly feels like sharing a room/house with someone who always thinks/hopes of the worst, and hates you except for its my mind... (idk how to start this) lets start from the beginning I guess. the first time this happened I was about 9, we had 3 1-5 grade elementary schools where I lived at the time. they were going to put the 4th and 5th graders in one school (which was bad news for us 3rd graders I guess). inside my head I'm hoping that it all goes through and we get moved. so to be WAY more simple I've always wished for the worst to happen. A pretty big example of this is when I was in 4th grade my great-grandma was dying, inside my head I was hoping for her to die (I hate myself so much for this). when she died (a couple days later sometime in early January) I honestly didn't care... (<- I hate myself for that too...). when people in my family die I don't really care now.... a death is a death now to me. my mind has hoped for my family to die, for my family to get hurt. if this isn't torture enough it also 24/7 FEELS THE NEED to call me worthless/trash/attention seeking/annoying/etc. (I've heard this all before). some specific examples... |
me: texts bff "hey"
my mind: your a horrible person... you only want to talk to him because you feel like trash right now
me: um... no.. I don't tho
mind: you only want peoples attention
me: I hate attention...
mind: do you know how toxic of a friend it is to only talk to someone because your sad at the moment.
me: ya... I try NOT to do that
mind: your not even depressed you tell some people that for attention
me: yes... I am tho
mind: YOUR AN ATTENTION SEEKING IDIOT... I HATE YOU
me: ...
mind: JUST GO DIE, THEIR LIVES WOULDN'T CHANGE, NO ONE WOULD EVEN NOTICE
me: um... some would
mind: makes body punch self YOU ONLY WANT THIS FOR ATTENTION
(40 mins later were still fighting)
me: checks phone
mind: he dosent want to talk to you idiot... he's realized who you actually are
me: ... stop
mind: ATTENTION SEEKING B**** YOU SHOULD GO DIE
me: stop... please|
that is a conversation that happens like twice a day...
if anyone has anything to say about this please do....
0 likes, 1 reply
Guest Ky.
Posted
Hey,
So I'm not a doctor, and I can't diagnose you but it sounds like you get something called intrusive thoughts. When you say you don't care about people dying is it that you don't care or are you hearing a voice telling you you don't?
If you feel like you have no empathy towards others that's not good but it could be a sign of depression.
These are all quite common things in adults and there's nothing to be ashamed about. My best advice would be to see a doctor or Councillor or speak with someone you can trust, there are lots of helplines for these kinds of things where you can speak to someone who is qualified. Maybe Google mental health help numbers? For your area.
Best of luck