Posted , 4 users are following.
Okay guys, iam going to be brutally honest here.
I reckon I have suffered depression symptoms, since about the age of 8. i remember it well. I remeber my mum questioning my school teacher, asking why somone soo thin should have such bad body odour. I have used deodarants since then.
My mum and dad fought like cat and dog, yet I know at some point they loved each other deep down. I know that I caused a strain on my entire family for being a prem and being difficult to deal with at primary. I know that my eyesight is to blame for a lot of my insecurities now, but when ever I hear shouting or even bitching I clam up, if I dont hear these things, i hear nothing but praise for other people , I am a happy person , anda nice person to be around. I jump from being really nervous and anxiou to depressed states, to a fighting anxious state , then to right I need a reward state to then sh*t what for state - do I make any sense to anyone, or am I just alone inn my battle to be me?
I have tangled with this all my life , I have and I well remeber the argument, on the verge of suicide, when my mum phoned my high school up telling them I was worth more. (iremeber thinking, mum , why cant you accept, iam a failure), then of coures i found it easier and passed with a good grade. In my head, the more comples, the more I am able to solve , the more simple stuff, I am looking for the complex, so I cant solve...am I alone here, or is anyone else the same?
Its such a lonely world, I can do simple artefacts , I look simple and people often think I am , but in reality, I know I am a complex, problem solver...please , someone give me aa chance, I am not a waisitter, Unless you guys take it upon yourselves to use me as a poor sucker and abuse me, Do I make sense to anyone, or am I alone on this?
I also think, mum knows best, listen to your mum, my mum is fantasitc, she is worth more than her wieght in gold and I truly love her, even if I find her somewhat controlling!
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