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One step forward and now ten steps back, please help?

Posted , 4 users are following.

Time2Talk
Time2Talk

I was raped 3 years ago, although he was arrested no charges were made due to it being my word against his.  I have battled daily trying to get my confidence and life back together, only a handful of people know what happened to me and I have made a new circle of friends that knew nothing about it as I didn't want people judging me or talking behind my back.  This was until last night when I was out and someone I thought was beginning to become a good friend said he had been told not to be on his own with me because I'll cry rape.  I lost it, I'm so placid but commpletely lost my temper and made a complete fool of myself in public.  How can I ever face the outside world again?  Will this ever leave me, I questioned if I would be better off dead last night but I will not do that, however I am a shadow of my former self and back to the person I was 3 years ago when it all happened.  I have been waiting 3 years for counselling through my doctors surgery as I cannot afford to pay for it myself, I have battled this alone and just as I was beginning to smile I hate myself again today.

1 like, 21 replies

21 Replies

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  • d53770
    d53770 Time2Talk

    Posted

    Hello there

    I'm not going to use any platitudes. I can't relate to your past but I can relate to your present. You have come to the right place; there are some good people here. I'm glad you reached out to this community.

     

  • Time2Talk
    Time2Talk

    Posted

    Thank you, I had to do something, I've never felt so isolated.
    • d53770
      d53770 Time2Talk

      Posted

      You are not isolated any more. You have more courage than me - I signed up but could never get that first mail out!
    • Time2Talk
      Time2Talk d53770

      Posted

      Thanks for your support. I got to the stage that it was online support or thinking that maybe I will never look forward.
    • d53770
      d53770 Time2Talk

      Posted

      I've been there too. I went online because I didn't think I could go anywhere else. There are some good people here - I know you will be ok
  • Desperate_now
    Desperate_now Time2Talk

    Posted

    I presume you are in Britain, if so 3 years is a hell of a long time to wait for counselling, have you ever followed it up with your surgery why so long? I know in Britain things have improved with talking therapies and I am not sure but I think there is an IAPT team in most areas. IAPT is immediate access to psycological therapies, information about this service is on the Internet. 

    I don't really know what you are going through but you do need to come to terms with what happened 3 years ago, and counselling will help.

    As d53770 said you have made a good choice in coming to the site you will get good sound advice.

    • Time2Talk
      Time2Talk Desperate_now

      Posted

      Thank you so much, I will look that up. Yes I am in Britain. I was on the waiting list but had to move as I could not face daily living where it had happened, although I only moved a mile away I had to go to change doctors surgery as it was a diffent catchment area and then go to the bottom of their waiting list. I have just blocked it out, painted that fake smile and carried on as I have had no choice, it was either that or giving up. I attempted suicide once, was seen in hospital by the Community Crisis Team then sent home, never any follow up. I took myself to the doctor after that and said I was feeling no better, they upped my meds and sent me home. I've cried out for help but feel as though I'm making a nuisance of myself so come home and live this lie that I'm fine. So sorry for rambling on.
    • Desperate_now
      Desperate_now

      Posted

      I have looked on line and most areas have a team which is free of charge and some accept self referral. I managed to find the telephone number of my local team on NHS Choices, web site and looking at psycological therapies. Hope this helps, let me know how you go on and if I can be of help? 
    • Time2Talk
      Time2Talk Desperate_now

      Posted

      Hi, there's no access to IAPT here in Wales :-( and apparently no plans to bring it here.  While I'm feeling a little better I know I MUST do something as otherwise every now and then it will be thrown at me and I need to learn to deal with it.  I didn't recognise myself the other night, I must have bottled up so much anger while plodding on (because I've had no choice).
    • Desperate_now
      Desperate_now Time2Talk

      Posted

      That is so sad that health care is so different in England and Wales, it is still the NHS but I know they have different policies, I learnt that when I was working in the NHS.

      talking therapies have such a good recovery rate and in England have saved millions of pounds since it was launched I think in about 2010 to NHS England.

      i was never a therapist but I was a nurse who has undergone CBT in the past and if I can help or you have a question but do not want to go on a public site you can always private message me and I will respond. 

      I do have a private conversation with someone I have got talking to through this site and it has been a God send to me, so there is he for you should you need it. It is good to talk.

    • Time2Talk
      Time2Talk Desperate_now

      Posted

      I'm seriously considering moving over the bridge just to get help.  I will PM you soon if that's okay, I'm off to bed in a bit but will do soon.  I just hope that one day this post will help someone who has been in a similar situation.
    • Desperate_now
      Desperate_now Time2Talk

      Posted

      Anytime, I may take a little while to respond but generally I come on sometime during the day.
  • donna_03931
    donna_03931 Time2Talk

    Posted

    Hi there,

    You can and will get over this. There is hope for all of us.

    There are rape and abuse counselling services in most areas which are free and you can self refer. Just google the above and you will get specialist help, free of charge, and much quicker that IAPT or community mental health teams.

    I hope you find this useful

    • Time2Talk
      Time2Talk donna_03931

      Posted

      Thanks, I wasn't sure what to put in Google search.  I did find a few around an hour away but you have to live in that area, I'm so desparate to do something about this that I would be prepared to move.
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