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Just over 2 month ago i had a bad anxiety attack,thought i was having a heart attack only a swift visit to the hospital to tell me it was an anxiety attack.THE PAIN OF ANXIETY!! Oh and i've never had anxiety or panic attacks before, ive felt anxious all my life but not this.
So ever since then i've had constant chest pain, mainly in my breasts and the chest wall behind them.Feels like they are being pulled down causing my breasts to be tender and the wall to feel bruised.(bought bigger bra's to see if that helped,but no they didn't) Oh i must say, back in mid february 2014 i think i had a really bad panic attack from what i read up on.That night at about 3am i woke up scared out my nut! I thought i was at death's door like literaly! i thought i was going to die so bad,the room was spining, i was seeing 2 of the room walls,my eyes felt like they were going to roll at the back of my head,i felt sick,cold and hot,shakey and tingling in my head and my heart was pounding like mad like it was going super fast but put my hand to my chest it felt like it was going slow,i was utter confused to what was going on and the most thing that freaked me out was how i felt like i was watching myself from the celling or something,i just didn't feel like i was there at all!! weird and scary! and nothing like that happened after...until 2 month ago.
I now feel slightly scared to go to my own bed..i feel like it's going to happen again back in feb 2014.I constantly feel on edge kind of, like i feel scared of something but don't know what.I feel weepy and have terrifying thoughts of death.I keep thinking i have cancer somewhere and i'm going to die from it sometime soon.Now when ever my 3yold son coughs or has really bad hiccups i think something bad is going to happen to him and same goes for my partner and myself.When ever i feel pain i think it's cancer.I just can't stop thinking of death EVERY SINGLE STINKING DAY!! for 2 months and it's really really tiring me out.I'm so irritated by everything,i feel tempermental, i shout at my son all the time..monster mum of the year btw.ofc im not happy or anything about that.I'm deeply saddened how i shout at him, after i do so.I do think about 3 month ago that the health nurse said i lost 4lbs..even tho i don't excersize and i eat chocolate and drink LOTS of cola,,i'm not on the pure heavy side but could do with loosing a bit of wieght.But it got me thinking why..i ofc looked for doctor google and freaked myself out thinking i have cancer.Still don't know why i lost weight tho.Oh and to top things off..i found a little lump in my upper thight, you can't see it, but can feel it.I freaked out again and looked up doctor google..thought i have thigh cancer and it sounds heavy serious like deathly serious.Got it checked ofc and doc said it feels like a pea size lump,no pain or any pressure on the nervs and said it sounds like a skin tag...but i have to keep an eye on it anyways..but a few days ago it was giving me bother as i was walking home with my son..now i think i really have cancer. It really sucks to be me in my head right now
So yeh..tell me,help me see this clearly...is ALL this pain in my head or is the pain real and something i have to get checked out on? I hate feeling like this..living like this...sucks to live with anxiety and depression.Oh my partner say's at this rate im gona end up in a psycho ward with how i've been acting lately.Takes FOREVER to get to sleep so spend half the afternoon drousy and irritated.I don't get out much either,with the weather being so sh*t plus i don't want people to see my face...i look ill like really ill.I can't do any relaxing theraputic stuff...with a toddler running around constantly wanting to play,i can't even have a proper nice hot steamy bubble bath..bedroom next door "mummy? mummy? mummy?" grrrrrrrrrrr!!! can't mummy have a frigin bubble bath in piece!!! It's past your bed time boy!!! get back to sleep!!" that's the first 5 mins of relaxing. i tried the breathing excersizes but they don't do anything..as the thoughts come flooding back in.
Sorry for the massive page..should right a book eh?
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