Paranoia and over obsession
Posted , 6 users are following.
Tired of constantly over thinking things for many months WAY after it's over. My husband of 30 years chatted on Facebook with his ex of over 34 years after he said he asked me if it was okay after she contacted him first. I don't remember saying that I didn't care, but then again my mind has been like Swiss cheese lately and I find myself forgetting what I said 15 minutes ago. So 6 months later I noticed he was texting with her on and off and I got p****d. He said she would contact him and he would respond to whatever it was. He says that he has always loved me and would never do anything to hurt me and if he thought that this would have upset me this much he would have never kept up the correspondence. He has not said a word to her for almost a year and yet I keep obsessing over and over about it. Like why did he continue for so long and was it because of the way I've been these last 10 or so years, but he keeps reassuring me I did nothing and he was just being nice and didn't want to be rude to her. He never tried to hide anything, but I don't ever really look at his phone and one day I did and saw her name. He didn't act like it was anything and was even shocked that I got upset. I have been bothering him about this for almost a year and I know this is not normal, but I can't seem to get off this self-destructive merry-go-round. It still wakes me up in the middle of the night.
0 likes, 5 replies
Guest laura370
Posted
She probably still has a thing for him and he’s probably flattered, doesn’t mean he will act on it, but..
I’d be pretty upset if I saw my husband chatting with an old ex. At least he asked your permission, but..
Nope.
I wouldn’t be ok with it.
sabrina1971 laura370
Posted
If he really has not any contact for a year and you trust that he is being completely honest with you, then maybe you could try seeing a therapist? I cmpletely understand your reaction, but after a year it's time to get some help to help heal yourself for YOU. Rather than asking him for reassurance, share with him that even after a year it still makes you uncomfortable and insecure. Maybe that approach will make you feel at ease?
On the opposite end of the spectrum, if you think he is lying to you, always follow your gut. I have always regretted not listening to my intincts.
samantha42264 laura370
Posted
Hi Laura,
Part of this is our Peri minds, we obsess and no matter much how much we logically know there is no point and it's helping nothing....our mind won't stop.
But....there is no reason male or female in a committed relationship to be texting a member of the opposite sex.. other than work related things, kid related things or some other important business...no X should be messaging someone that's in a committed relationship, it may have been ok to have a one or 2 time "catch up on each other's life" chat but to text a married man after that was wrong of that woman, and honestly you husband may have been just being polite and totally inocent but he should have just ignored her and of course known it would bother you. Im sure if you were privately texting an old flame and he found out he wouldn't like it. It all may be totally inocent but it can lead to trouble in the right circumstances. So you were not wrong at all for being upset.
But he let it go and stopped it so do your best to let it go...we have sooooo much going on through this phase of life, it's not going to change anything....believe me I know that's easier said than done. If it continues perhaps go to your doctor or a few theropy sessions.
It's all going to be ok
laura370 samantha42264
Posted
Thank you so much Samantha. I agree with you totally. I said the exact same thing about that what bothers me the most is how long they were texting. Even if it was nothing, there was no reason to continue after a few times. He says that he didn't want to be mean, but I can't stop letting it bother me after all this time. I do know he's a nice guy and I've never distrusted him in the past 30 years, but recently I do have a lot of paranoia and seem to question everything he does. It's enough to make me feel like I'm going crazy I swear.
samantha42264 laura370
Posted
I get it Laura. Im not in the same situation at all but I get the parinoia, obsessive thoughts and worry about stupid things. I do have some good days but some days Im parinoid and worry about things I logically can't fix,it's like I've lost all self confidence& Im scared to talk around people I don't know as I have this thing that they will think Im weird, that may be true, but I never cared before.
It's our mind playing mean tricks on us....this is to me the hardest thing I've ever delt with in my life....and I truly hope it's over soon for all of us