perimenopausal .. concerned about how my family are going to cope with me

Posted , 12 users are following.

hi .. im 43 and am 100% certain that my menopause is well on its way ..

i have all the symptoms .. including :- irregular periods, frequent urination, over emotional, lethargic, foggy brain etc etc ..

i am starting to feel really anxious lately as i know that the change in me is going to have a really bad affect on my family .. my daughter is 9 and is the sweetest little girl you could ever meet .. and my husband is 12 years younger than me ..

my worries re:- my daugher .. i am finding myself snapping at her for absolute no reason at all which is really upsetting me .. i am also crying a lot, which makes my daughter feel concerned for me .. i am forever apologising to her for snapping and for not being myself .. and explain to her that its just womens problems and that she will understand when she is older .. but i just cant cope with the guilt i feel ..

my worries .. re:- my husband .. so my husband is in his early 30's and to be honest, isnt the most understanding of people .. for instance when ive had pmt in the past .. he has said that i am the only woman he knows who is badly affected with it .. as if im exaggerating things .. its so awful at times .. and now im going through these changes .. i just know he isnt going to be my rock .. even though he has said 'we' will get through it .. i cant stop thinking that he will walk when the going gets tough ..

anyway i think i just wanted to know if anybody else is driving themselves crazy with these thoughts ?????    i am seeing my family walking around on eggshells for fear of upsetting me and its killing me sad  ..  thanks for reading ..

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  • Posted

    Hi,  Im so sorry that you're having such a difficult time and it sounds as if you're having to cope alone.  I understand how you feel as I have the same symptoms (for almost 2 years) and it is very hard to get on with normal day to day life when you're ready to burst into tears or rip someones head off!  I went to my GP as I couldn't deal with the anxiety and depression any longer.  I was given Paroxetine and Diazepam (low dose) which has definately helped.  There are various medications which your GP could discuss with you.  Please also consider 'Mindfulness' - there are various training courses on You Tube.  Do you have any friends or relatives who are going through the same thing (they maybe are but you're not aware).  I felt embarrassed to talk about how i was feeling but then opened up to friends etc and just said I'm having a hard time coping with perimenopause.  It helped to 'get it out in the open' and everyone was understanding.  My partner tries to be sympathetic but I think it's difficult for men to fully understand as they've never felt that way.  I just say to my partner nw @I'm not having a good day, please bear with me and it will pass'.  Some days are better than others.

    Please know you are far from alone and make that appointment with your GP now. They may even refer you to a menopause clinic (I'm going in 2 weeks) where you should get a huge amount of support and help.

    You will also get heaps of support from the wonderful women on this forum!

    Wishing you good luck and know there are others out there suffering too who understand.  

    Lots love.

    Michele x

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  • Posted

    Hey Rexy, you are definitely not alone. Come vent/sob on this forum and you will see what a mine of information and support there is. Often, just knowing that you aren't the only one going through the confusion, fear and changes in your personality makes a difference. We are clearly the stronger sex, as we have been chosen to handle the menopause. Imagine if men had to do so! 

    I have good days and bad, and the anxiety factor can go up and down. Sometimes I'm weepy, sometimes irritable, fearful for no reason, and often seriously forgetful, stupid and clumsy.  Just knowing that what I am feeling on a bad day is real enough but temporary, a symptom that can pass, helps with the fog or fear sometimes. Then there's your sense of humour - sounds as though that could be your best tool in dealing with your unsupportive husband  - that  or a forceful statement that you're sensitive/tearful/crotchety and he has to deal with it as it is now part of the you that he says he loves! Keep smiling, they'll think you are having fun, and be kind to yourself. Keep reading and watch how much better it makes you feel. 

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  • Posted

    Welcome to the club redrexy

    I have been snapping at my boyfriend since Monday, crying, having palpitations. I am not taking my zoloft anymore I quit that yesterday. I just feel bad not myself medications are not going well with me since I have been in post menopause it makes me sick and gives me a lot of stool problem, I had to stop my metformin and the same with the trazodone and now with the zoloft. It seems ever since I went into post menopause my body is sensitive to foods and medications

    Plus when I did take the zoloft yesterday and the day before I was cramping really bad with a lot of palpitations. 

    I have not been out of the house since Monday just been in bed all day not myself and just crying and yelling at my boyfriend. 

    Don't really want to talk to anyone on the phone today so I understand what you are going trough 

    My body just wants to do what it wants to do hard to handle emotions are a rollercoaster this weekcry

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  • Posted

    first let me say thank you so much for your replies .. it means a lot .. just reading that other women are going through the same thing is a real comfort to me .. i am struggling as the 'normal' me is a strong, independent woman .. a barrel of laughs .. a protector, a shoulder for everyone to cry on .. but this 'brand new' me is the complete opposite .. my daughter asked me tonight if its hard work being a woman .. and we both had a laugh when i told her that it is but that men would never be able to deal with what women have to deal with ..

    i will finish my post with hopefully something to make you laugh .. cos it sure made me and especially my little girl .. laugh so hard tonight .. i picked up my mobile and said i wonder how much petrols left on my phone .. i obviously meant battery .. but i guess perimenopausal brain kicked in ha ha ...

    thanks again ladies ... you have all made me feel so much better x

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  • Posted

    I'm pleased you feel better.  You know where to come should you to 'talk'.  

    Michele x

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  • Posted

    RedRexy,

    I see you've gotten a lot of feed back already but I have to put my 2 cents in lol. You sound like so many of us on here. It's not always easy to find women to talk to because I haven't personally found anyone face to face who is having a horrible time of it like myself. Thank God for this forum, it has kept me from thinking I have every disease in the book! One thing I've learned in this perimenopause nightmare is that every day is different. I never know day to day how I'm going to feel or what new symptom will pop up. I used to have anxiety attacks every time I felt "weird" which is all the time anymore but I've realized that hey, I may feel weird, dizzy, achy you name it but I haven't died from it lol. I'm taking all the recommended vitamin supplements that ladies have mentioned on here and I'm guessing they are helping a bit. I try not to complain too much anymore to my husband. He doesn't complain but I know he worries about me. I chalk everything up to hormones. One thing that seems to be getting worse is my appetite. I feel hungry all the time and I have these hypoglycemic episodes where I suddenly feel like I'm crashing. I keep peanut butter crackers handy, they help. Anyway, glad you can come on here and feel united with us ladies smile

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  • Posted

    Hi RedRexy,

    Dont despair, we are all there with you.  I have a 12 year old hitting puberty its like I am going out one door she is going through another, im sure soon it will be the door slamming championships in our house.  Trying to look at the humour of it.  I was not in a good place two weeks ago.  Did think i was going mad, as did husband, no he doesnt understand either, they all say the same thing and make you feel like some kind of freak!

    You ar'nt non of us its just these bleddy hormones are ruling us and we are like puppets on string to them, annoying.  I can highly recommend Agnus Castus, takes about 2-6 weeks to work come in strengths of 400-800mg.  Magnesium another which calms your whole system down and exercise, yoga, pilates are excellent.  Kalms are good too.  Hang in there.  I have been told by GP am perimenopausal, i am 50.  However i have always suffered v bad pmt and over the past 10 years has got worse, so all part of being peri.  Hope you are ok, and when you are feeling low come on here and it should make you feel better, it has me, i fairly knew here and it has helped me massively. xxx

    take care.

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  • Posted

    hi red so sorry ur having a rough time.  we all going thru same things i getting married this month and my partner ten years younger than me but i feel he is sick of me going on and on and feel so sorry for him we should be in throws of passion and instead he got a bad tempered achy whinging 51 year old.  i talk to him bout what im going thru but when i thiink he had enuf of me harping on i come on here and talk to these fabulous ladies and knowing we all in same boat helps a lot.. feel free to come on here and express your worries and anxieties it does help . hope u feel better soon x
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  • Posted

    hi red so sorry ur having a rough time.  we all going thru same things i getting married this month and my partner ten years younger than me but i feel he is sick of me going on and on and feel so sorry for him we should be in throws of passion and instead he got a bad tempered achy whinging 51 year old.  i talk to him bout what im going thru but when i thiink he had enuf of me harping on i come on here and talk to these fabulous ladies and knowing we all in same boat helps a lot.. feel free to come on here and express your worries and anxieties it does help . hope u feel better soon x
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  • Posted

    Hi Redrexy, just wondering how you are doing now? I'm in peri and struggling.

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    • Posted

      Hi Zoe,

      My story started at the age of 32 while on birth control, I started to getbe electric shock sensations in my skin, nausea, reflux and anxiety. Doctor said maybe stress but also suggested that I change my birth control, which I didnt suspect hormones at the time and doctor disnt explain why I should change BC so after reading BC pack and side effects I realised I had been experiencing some of them with maybe a year or more. So I decided to stop my pill and give my body a break. I had never heard of perimenopause before so when a month after stopping BC I suddey experienced chest pains and tingling in my arms and fingers, I was convinced it was heart attack or heart related. Anyway, I went to my doctor ans explained I stopped birth control a.d that I didnt get a period only brown spotting. Told thay periods dont happen straight away after coming off pill and to give it time. Chest pains continued and periods were light brown spotting for an entire year. Anxiety levels grew, breasts went up 2 sizes, gained weight around my belly and thighs. Then almost a year after stopping BC I developed timgling down my leg and in my private area which was very disturbing. I woke the next morning and my entire body was trembling-like I swallowed a vibrator. Its was awful and I had a proper 2 day peeiod with bright red blood. I knew it was my hormomes but not one doctor listened. All I was offered was xanax and nerve pain meds lyrica. I was distraught. Doctors ignored me and then I wondered was I crazy. I really felt let down. I couldnt work, I coyldnt eat. I developed a lump in throat which turned out to be a cyst. Anyway, I spent weeks in bed just so down and felt so horrible. It took a lot ofof willpower for me to get back to work. I struggle most days with joint pain, hot flashes, back pain and tremors and many more symptoms. Its a shame women are not heard. I just like to know if it gets better.

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    • Posted

      Hi Deirdre! Hope you feel better soon? Are you on hrt? I'm a bit older than you and I had so severe symptoms! I couldn't go on my life anymore. Hrt gave my life back and I want it forever! Menopause was a nightmare for me and I cannot see it as something natural at all! 

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