Perimenopause Hell

Posted , 7 users are following.

Dear Everyone.

I feel like I am going through hell. I am not exaggerating. I am feeling lost and that I have lost myself.

I recently found out that I had mostly likely started in period menopause in my late 20's early 30's and although I had been tested at the time due to horrendously heavy periods the results got missed and then last year due to the same symptoms and seemingly having heavy periods every 2 weeks and feeling exhausted with it all I requested another test and was informed that yes I was definately peri menopausal but then I had been for many many years... I had been missed by GP at the time. I will be 42 this week. I was firstly put on fem seven patches as concerns held that as I had gone into very very early peri menopause with low oestrogen all those years back what the impact could be on my bones. The first patches were ok but the second patches plunged me into hell. I am now (this last week) on a combined hrt treatment of levorel 75 patches ongoing which I have to change twice a week combined with progesterone tablets which I have to take twice a day for 12 days out of every month alongside.

Now on to me: my memory is gone, I'm accident prone, I hurt from head to toe, the pain in my joints particularly neck, shoulders, elbows and hips etc is constant and has been for years. Holding a hairdryer above my head for more than a minute hurts. I cry at everything. I mean at everything. Adverts, music, anything can set me off. My poor fella is constantly passing me tissues. I feel maternal towards everything. I'm even talking to the spiders in the house. I feel like mother earth but that means I'm feeling every living creatures pain which means I'm always in tears. I have the dreaded sweats and insomnia. My confidence is rock bottom and I feel so old and fat. I don't recognise myself I feel like I'm not existing and I can't remember who I am or who I used to be. I feel like I've lost my identity. I do work full time and i work long hours and manage this (just) but out of work I'm an empty shell. I know it's hormone related and it's the dreaded symptoms of this phase of life. I have no energy either. Do any of you ladies feel like this? And have you found any solutions to make you feel better? Thankyou for reading ?

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Sam,

    I certainly feel this way! Especially the way you describe not recognizing yourself and being an empty shell at work. My brain fog is so bad I'll be somewhere and have no idea how I got there. I am constantly afraid I will wreck the career I've worked for since I was 19 because I am not mentally there at all. 

    I too feel old and fat because I have little energy to exercise. Every joint and muscle hurts like I have the flu. Your experience with the hair dryer is similar to my experience with the stairs in my house. I crawl up them like an infant because I often can't walk up them. 

    I don't take HRT, so I can't speak to that. But many women on the site do and they can tell you about their experience. 

     

    Lynda on this site recommended Vit B12 and that is helping. Keeping my Vit D up as well helps, especially in the winter. I have given myself permission to actually use the sick days I have accrued and use them regularly throughout the month. Mental health is health. 

    You are still in there, I promise. And we are all with you! 

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    • Posted

      I feel your anxiety. I too worry I'm going to wreck my career as day by day my memory deserts me and I feel so emotionally fragile at times it is hard to be strong and prop other people up. We have to keep putting on the smiles don't we? At the minute my confidence in myself and in my abilities are at rock bottom and I'm doubting my abilities at work too. Is this something you are experiencing too hon? X

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    • Posted

      Oh yes,SamN.  I fear I am going to wreck my career at least a few times a week. Sometimes a few times  day. I feel so emotinally fragile around other people, I work with my door closed. I use a bathroom on a different floor so I don't see anyone I have to deal with. 

      There are days when the most basic things are expected of me and I cannot meet my obligations.Tonight I stopped grading 2/3 of the way through because my brain just stopped. I think about just giving everyone an A- so that I don't have to try to intelligently give them feedback on their work. I don't have it in my brain power any more.

      I look at everyone else at my university and know they are better at their jobs than I am. I wonder how women I work with the same as as me manage committees, governance, conference presentations, publishing etc. and I can't remember who wrote The Miller's Tale. (I am the medievalist.)  

      I had so many plans for my professional life. Your 50's are when you are supposed to hit your stride. Now I just pray to get through the day without meeting someone I have disappointed at work or humiliating myself in front of my students. 

      As paradoxical as it sounds, I am going to experiment for a few weeks and stop taking my anxiety meds. I want to see if they are adding to the brain fog and lack of energy. 

      I am so sorry you are going through the same thing. But I hope it is a small relief to know you are absolutely not alone. I am here for you!

      XXOO

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  • Posted

    Sam,

       Firs toff it sounds like your HRT combination is completely wrong for you.  Run, don't walk to get something that fits your needs better.  And here I will mention that not every women does well with the patch.  In fact, some women do horrible on it.  I am one of those)  It's amazing how OFF you can fel with the HRT doesn't work well for your body.  

    Now as fall as perimenopause and frequent periods.  Look if your uterus is still bleeding, then you have enough estrogen to thicken the lining.  But the thing that often goes first is our actual fertility, meaning that we often have anovualtory cycles.  i.e. we aren't producing a viable egg, and therefore normal levels of of progesterone.  Doctors seem to always have this estrogen, estrogen, estrogen philosophy, that they forget that counter balance is also necessary.  Have you done some testing during the second half of your month?  Just something to think about.

    Hope it helps.  

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    • Posted

      Hi there thanks for your reply ? I have been put on hrt as my first test for perimeno was missed re results and it looks like I started when I was late 20's and now I'm in my 40's and the symptoms are terrible. The reason it is being tried is due to real heavy heavy bleeds literally every week and a half as well as concerns about the health of my bones due to my oestrogen levels having been very low since late 20's and no one having highlighted it to me. I have constant joint and bone pain all over my body as well as fibro diagnosis a number of years ago although I am personally wondering whether the fibro symptoms are in fact meno but obviously at time not diagnosed. Who knows? I am going for a bone scan in March and fingers crossed my bones are ok although I have had ridiculously low vitamin d levels for years and have been taking prescribed vit d3 for that along with a whole host of other Meds for other conditions as I seem to be falling to be bits with each passing year (smile). At the minute the hot sweats are the worst along with the gut wrenching tears that come from nowhere where I will feel like my heart is breaking. The tears and poor sleep are so exhausting whilst holding down a full time job. I feel like my mind is running away at times. X

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  • Posted

    hi sam.  I am going through this all again after a few months of feeling a lot better.  It comes in waves and this month has been really bad for me.  I am searching now again for a solution because I cannot face any more of these ups and downs.  Sorry I cant be more help. Your 'talking to the spiders in the house' line made me smile, how sweet.  I too make sure that I don't harm any living things. ! Hopefully we can all find a solution to all of this soon.

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    • Posted

      Hi hon it's awful isn't it? When it's bad you don't know where to put yourself. I'm in about year 9 now of this and it's the worst it's ever been. No confidence, anxiety attacks, crying, sweats, memory issues as well as no sleep. We will get through this xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Sam, I am wishing for a few minutes' grace and respite for you!

    I know how you feel. Even though I am highly productive at work, highly dependable and adaptable, often moreso than the younger, maler (hahA) colleagues, my confidence is so low that I don't feel good about my accomplishments.

    And am exhausted at the end of each day, trying to keep it all together.

    Winter is hard... I try to walk indoors to get a little exercise. Try to get fresh air when not too cold or wet. Keeping my diet high in fruits and veg does help some. B vitamins and E take the edge off, it seems. Going for the evening primrose oil next.

    . will let u know how it works out.

    Regular massage visits have helped me tremendously in past, have you tried that yet? Expensive, so I save that for desparate times, lol.

    I am sorry you've been dealing with this for so long!! Praying you can find relief.

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  • Posted

    Hi SamN22,

    Just wondering how you are doing? Im 35 and feel I have been in peri a few years now too but didnt realise it. Just wondered how the hrt is suiting etc.

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