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Personality disorder???

Posted , 3 users are following.

mark_34879
mark_34879

I am both excited and concerned at the same time.

Worried that I may have a personality disorder, and excited at the prospect at getting help, although that comes with its own worries as I DO NOT trust pharmaeceutical trained doctors and do not relish the thought of having to go and have dealings with one and I do not have enough money to go private (am in UK)

My wife also had all the classic symptoms (we are split now, didn't stand a chance looking back!!) and I don't know what to do for the best because having done a little research it helps me to explain SO much.

I have been described as particularly bright/insightful (my wife was convinced I had autism- an educated guess as she worked with autistic people?) and yet I have no friends left (I love people in theory but in practice find most to be shallow/superficial/insincere, a bit of a Holded Caulfield I guess?), am on the verge of becoming homeless and quite frankly am at the end of my tether/experience almost constant thoughts of suicide which often feels like it would be the only 'relief' (and the ONLY reason I dont take that route is that I have three children and I could never put them through that which leaves me feeling utterly tortured most of the time)

I really struggle to tell the difference between insight and insanity but also feel this is normal in a world run by undeniably corrupt and profiteering politicians/corporations/pharmaeceuticals and the (nothing short of) psycopathis 'values' they filter down to the rest of us via their 'institutions' (media/so called 'education' etc) 

It really is difficult to be discerning in such a confusing world and yet I appear to be surrounded by people who are blisfully unaware or who appear totally incapable of any kind of self reliance/critical thinking etc (most seem more concerned about who's going to win the X Factor or the latest 'affair on Coronation St!!).

Am I a mad person struggling to deal with a perfectly sane world?

Or am I perfectly sane struggling to live a mad world?

And this is my predicament, swinging from one extreme to the other and not knowing wether I'm coming or going or who to trust/turn to (or wether to simply remain self-reliant??)

 

0 likes, 3 replies

3 Replies

  • boing333
    boing333 mark_34879

    Posted

    See the discussion on this thread:

    https://patient.info/forums/discuss/personality-disorders-271654

    When asking yourself, "do I have a personality disorder?", also ask yourself, "in comparison to what?"

    There's a difference between something that genuinely affects your quality of life and personality traits you have, naturally, that don't affect your quality of life but are the product of hypochondria. Don't look for a diagnosis; some can often explain a lot about who a person is but most personality disorders can apply to everybody in some way or another.

    • mark_34879
      mark_34879 boing333

      Posted

      Hi, yes, I read your discussion and wholeheartedly agree (and empathise!) with the points raised.

      And I hear what you say about hypochondria but it IS difficult for me to tell the difference sometimes?

      I mean I suffer from depression but if I was to really describe how I feel it would be 'supression' rather than depression and this more acurately describes how I feel. Its kind of like a 'locked in' syndrome where I feel like there's this really creative, vibrant, energetic, loving person who just really finds it incredibly difficult to find a means of expelressing itself in a world hell bent on conformity and profit at any cost. 

      I mean I simply cannot seem to 'fit in' and of course this leads to a feeling of being suppressed (depressed) etc.

      And I have tried all the self help/positive thinking etc bit I just quickly get overwhelmed and blow a fuse etc.

      And I have tried 'just getting on with it' but then life becomes overwhelming and I need help and the whole cycle starts over again (of course this is extremely simplified to make my point)

      So yes, do I have a personality disorder? And if so compared to what? To some sanitised 'Pleasantville' Simon Cowell wet dream where everybody has perfect white teeth, 2.4 kids, a perfect marriage, and a favourite James Bond and/or supermodel (sorry that last bit was a conversation I overheard on the tram earlier)

      And I have become quite isolated and extremely disillusioned especially since my marriage ended (after nine months!!) but I guess that's fairly  'normal'??

  • hana1972
    hana1972 mark_34879

    Posted

    I am so sorry to read all the troubles you have. I genuinely feel for you, and can personally empathise with you. It seems you've had a terribly rough time. I hope that things will get easier, and soon. Are you having any therapy? I found cognitive analytical therapy to be very helpful. Try and have a chat with your gp about it. It may really help. Take care and hope you'll feel brighter soon x

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