Perspective from someone who has experienced depression re showing affection needed please!

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hi, my boyfriend is suffering from PTSD and depression. I would say it is quite bad but he hides it well to those he isnt close to. i want to find a way we can manage our relationship because i dont want to leave him. in order to do this i need to understand what is going on as best i can. one thing i am struggling with is that he says i deserve better that he feels awful if he cant show me affection yet for example this morning i hugged him in bed and he just layed there and didnt acknowledge me. its hard to understand how it could be that hard to just hug me back and say he loves me even if hes not 'feeling it'. i am obviously completely ignorant because I have not experienced this myself so if anyone could give me some insight i would be so grateful. the lack of love and affection is the hardest for me to handle.

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  • Posted

    I am sorry to hear about your boyfriend and hope he finds the help he needs in order to get back to being himself, at which time he will finally be ready for a real relationship. Right now he may want to be ready for a relationship but he is not emotionally healthy enough to have one yet.

    I hope that you find the courage and strength to withdraw from this situation and allow him the time he needs to get better, without the added complications of a partner to satisfy.

    You deserve to have a relationship in which you feel loved and valued and in which your little shows of affection are returned with great enthusiasm. And this is what I hope you can find for yourself.

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    • Posted

      thank you so much for your reply. a big part of me wholeheartedly agrees with you and ive tried to leave and he has made it clear that he doesnt want me to go. its more complicated as we live together with my son. then there is part of me that thinks i should stay and do everything i can to support him as this is caused by something awful that happened to him.its just heartbreaking whatever i do.

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    • Posted

      I do see your point. If your son has grown attached to this man as a father figure, I understand the reluctance to leave. I hope the boy isn't being mistreated in any way, including irritability or shortness of temper displayed towards him by your boyfriend.

      Your idea to do everything you can to support your partner is very noble but not a healthy choice for you because you are sacrificing too much - and by that I mean sacrificing the love and affection you deserve to have in your life. And perhaps your son is also neglected in this way by your partner. Women have to be careful how much they're willing to accept in a relationship because we tend to martyr ourselves and be too willing to be caregivers to a man. And it's only later when we look back that we realize we made a mistake in staying.

      Your original post here seemed to be asking for help in taking care of this man; but what I see here is that you need help in taking care of yourself and evaluating whether your son is receiving the love and care from this man that he deserves or if both of you are being neglected.

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