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physical symptoms ok.emotionally a wreck.how do i deal with this

Posted , 7 users are following.

chastity123
chastity123

Hi all. only found out just before Xmas because I had burning first time I had sex with partner.had cold symptoms feeling tired and itching. Also had one sore spot.I honestly thought hey it's just thrush but best get checked out.turns out he was a recovering drug addict ..he told me afterwards.I was gutted.it's since come to light he was sleeping around behind my back.he showed no symptoms and looked completely healthy.I've tried to be upfront to men about my condition before trying to get to know them as I can't bear to like someone and then get thrown away like trash.I've had two men say it be ok if I use two condoms won't it...I can't catch it then.one of said men refused to kiss me in case I infected him! It's so horrifying it's laughable . I know I should wait for the right time but when is that? I have this dirty secret and its eating me alive sad I'm sorry if I'm overreacting but I have depression and anxiety and this is all I can think about.I never slept around or had a one night stand.I have always been in a relationship.all I wanted was to settle down give love and be loved in return.. I'm 40 and damaged goods ..No one's going to want me now sad I'm making myself I'll and i'm so lonely . my mom n sis know.my sis has hsv 1 cold sores sad even she freaked out til I explained she was no better than me but hers is not a stigma. I'm really sorry to go on but I'm lost and alone and the gum clinic were like oh you have genital herpes in a cheery voice.like its the norm and no big deal ..

0 likes, 30 replies

30 Replies

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  • 1stxer
    1stxer chastity123

    Posted

    Hi Chastity. I can feel the desperation in your words. I'm like you, the worst part is the damage to my confidence and self esteem. Having this is going to change the way I date for sure. I admit I was reckless in the past, which led to hsv2. Now I have to take my time to really get to know her before sex is even an option. Then I have to be fairly certain that she will be non judgmental and willing to discuss this with me. I am not looking forward to the rejections I will have to face. But there's no point in living in denial. I truly feel your pain. If its any solace, just know there are other people facing the same thing and you can always come her to vent. Good luck to you.
    • chastity123
      chastity123 1stxer

      Posted

      I want to thank you for your reply it actually means a lot to me.smile it doesn't matter what Ur sexual past was you didn't deserve this.it shouldn't be seen as a punishment although I know it does.I had no idea about these sites and found it by chance.If you want to chat to me more about it it would be nice to know I'm not being judged and vice versa.I have talked to my friend but she's just asking constantly if her symptoms are like mine and saying tactless remarks like oh God I dunno what I'd do if I got it sad x
    • 1stxer
      1stxer chastity123

      Posted

      I would really like to have someone to chat with about it all. I have only told one friend and she has been less than supportive. I know what you mean about those insensitive remarks. I get that from her too. But I try not to take it so hard. I can remember thinking the same way before I had it. If you would like to, we can email each other. I'm Tim.

      Emis Moderator comment: I have removed the email address as we do not publish these in the forums. If users wish to exchange contact details please use the Private Message service .

      http://patient.uservoice.com/knowledgebase/articles/398331-private-messages

    • JohnDoe2
      JohnDoe2 chastity123

      Posted

      Haha. She sounds like a fun friend.

      I found out this week I have Herpes, pending test results to find out which strain.

      I can't see any gains in playing a blame game or getting depressed that noone will love me. There's hope for a cure and between now and then it's 'Love me, love my virus'

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken 1stxer

      Posted

      Don't feel like you got this cause you slept around and there for u got what u had coning to yiu, as I'd not had sex in over two yrs and never slept around when I got this. It's like saying I was being punished for finally having sex, which it did feel like I was being punished for it. I won't lie and say I don't look at others I know that get around and think how unfair it is that I got this and they're free to do whatever now. So don't beat yourself up about it. smile
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken chastity123

      Posted

      Yeah.. My friend msgs me yesterday and says I think I have a cold sore in a panic. I said send me a picture... Her lips were just chapped.. No sign of a red bump everywhere.. So I get how that feels. When I told 3 of my beat gfs about running into an old flame and him wanting to be w me and I broke down crying and told him what I have and how one thing he said was look how I didn't run? Most guys would then around and run and never come back. Mind you, when I first got this and would say ejo will want me, those three gfs would say so many people have it and you'll find someone, it's not a big deal. When I told them what he said, they said it's true.. They agree w him.bi said what happened to what you guys were saying before? So you lied to me to make me feel better? I said don't do that, I'm not five. Ticks me off that's what they were really thinking as they looked me in my tear streaked face
    • chastity123
      chastity123 JohnDoe2

      Posted

      Hi John doe. Thank you for your message I really appreciate it. I hope you are doing ok and have gotten your results back. My friend means well I guess lol x if you need to chat please feel free to message me x even when you think you're ok with finding out it can still be a shock sad good luck x
  • miamaria2
    miamaria2 chastity123

    Posted

    I know exactly how you feel... It's such a sh*tty feeling and I think it does take a while to get used to the thought that this stupid virus will stay with us for the rest of our lives. When I first found out i broke down... Worst news I ever had. I've been trying my best to stay happy and positive these last 10 months and it is so hard. I guess once we accept it we can move on and hopefully live happy lives (even though it seems impossible I know)

    To be honest I don't think I will ever have the strength to accept it. I am so scared for my future sad hope you're doing okay. All the best!!

    • chastity123
      chastity123 miamaria2

      Posted

      Thank you xx I'm coming to understand that I finally belong somewhere as strange as it sounds.I dont feel alone anymore. You are all wonderful people and if this condition is teaching me anything is that it brings out the best in other sufferers as far as kindness,caring and acceptance goes.it may be a stigma and this happiness I'm feeling may not last but i think out of all the bad the chance to speak to all you lovely people has been worth it xx
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken miamaria2

      Posted

      Miamaria, you sound like you are done grieving it and that's not to say you won't have moments if grievances, but acceptance comes by time and mainly w choice. We all grieve differently on length of time, but ultimately acceptance is our own doing. That doesn't mean that you don't still curse the disease, that you don't acknowledge that it will create a little more obstacles in life; it is saying to yourself: yep... This is what it is, I cannot change it and by not acknowledge that, I am starving myself of the peace my inner soul needs to move on w my life. Do not let this define you, because it doesn't. We all have.

      All the people I know w herpes are married and their partner didn't have herpes when they got married, except one friend and she has a bf. Her bf said that was a deal breaker and they remained friends, 3 months later he said he thought she was worth the risk and they've been together since. She's had no men reject her and either have my other friends except one.

    • feelbroken
      feelbroken miamaria2

      Posted

      Have you tried to date or tell anyone yet? I understand how you feel. I have moments of feeling weak about it and if I start talking to a guy, I wonder if he'll accept me and if this brings down my value. I know it shouldn't, but I have weak moments just like the rest of you. I think what i worry about the most is not me having it, but me possibly giving it to someone else.if they got it and had a terrible ob, I'd feel so devestates and guilty.
    • chastity123
      chastity123 feelbroken

      Posted

      I'm not dating anyone. I also am not worried about myself but would be devastated to see someone else's life fall apart because of me. I can cope with rejection now as it's not me being rejected it's the herpes. I have to remember that and so should you. I honestly have no idea if I'll ever want to get close enough to someone physically now so we need to have the talk. I'm also very worried of catching another sti now that I know how common they are and that condoms aren't the super shield they are made out to be.have you tried feel broken?
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken chastity123

      Posted

      I'm not sure where you live, but I know you are very young and you should get the vaccine for gardasi if you haven't already. That protects you against the 2 most common high risk strains of HPV that cause cervical cancer (like 80-98% of cases) & 2 of the most common low risk strains, which are the ones that cause genital warts. It is a series of 3 shots. I got it before I was 27 and it is well worth it in my opinion.

      Are you asking me if I've told anyone yet?

      How long have you had this now? I've had it since last July and I feel like I'm always active, even on daily therapy. I'd say that as time goes on, I'm feeling less and less activity down there, but I've never felt the same down there since getting it. I'm actually terrified that sex will hurry me.

  • feelbroken
    feelbroken chastity123

    Posted

    I understand how you feel and I am so sorry you are going through this. Its been six months for me and I still struggle at tomes, but it is going to be OK. It doesn't feel like it now, but I too suffer from anxiety and depression and it was a major set back on my recovery from depression. I coukd barely get out of bed.. But less than two months later, I was back having a social life. Yes.. Didbit costume my that's, make me feel I had a dirty secret and if only people knew... Yes.. But let me tell yiu what you're doing by talking people too soon, that I don't think you've recobized what you're doing and why. I too had trouble keeping it to myself.. I told a couple of friends I shouldn't have. I had to lock myself away for almost two months, because I couldn't even talk to someone I knew from the gym only, w out feeling like I was a liar and feeling this urge to spill the beans. You do it, cause it is your way of purping the anxiety and burden of it and you are looking for affirmations and rejection at the same time by doing that. You have anxiety and anxious people tend to be self fulfilling prophesies. Yiu don't tell men you meet that quickly all your private business and this is no different. In the dating world people lead w their best foot forward, not w all their skeletons out there first. If we all did that, we'd all be perpetually single forever. If a guy walked up to you and you thought was hot and he said I've ever paid my child support and I'm addicted to porn, you'd do an about face and walk out the door. When people have no connection w you, they tens to judge from a high horse and forget all about their uglies. When we get to know someone, it is easier for us to overlook other people's flaws and neuroticisms. Stop telling these men that. You should not even be trying to date until you grieve this.. That is why I kept myself indoors. It wasn't until 5months later, that I could date some and feel that I deserve nothing but the best, even w my situation. You need to grieve and wait till you get to that point too and know you deserve nothing but the best. BTW.. Women in their 40s yo 50s are said to be almost half or over already have herpes.

    Cut yourself some slack and don't be so hard on yourself. It will take some time to get to a point where it doesn't consume my thoughts and I coukd socialize and have a good time w out it popping in my head all night. Hang in there, it will be OK.

    • chastity123
      chastity123 feelbroken

      Posted

      Thank you for being so honest with me.it makes a lot of sense what you said.I am doing exactly what you said.I think it's because I wanted someone to understand and accept me as a normal person again and I've even used it to push someone away. I feel so much better just knowing I'm not alone and I honestly don't think I need to talk about it to someone if I should meet them now.it's just a huge relief to be able to bring it out in the open with others and be accepted as a person.I'm going to take your advice as you've made some points even I didn't know I was doing .thank you for caring enough to reply xx
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken chastity123

      Posted

      I'm so glad that you have the insight and objectiveness to step back and reconize what you were doing. I know exactly what you mean.. You want that validation that you're still just as valuable and it doesn't matter. I met a girl at my gym and we became good friends and I was struggling w holding it back from her, because we talk every day and meet up to work out together. However, we've only been friends now since may or June now.. I felt like I was lying yo her and before I got this in July, I'd not had sex for over two yrs. She was pushing me to date the last few months and said I have so much to offer.. I kept resistanting the idea to date and thought, she doesn't understand.. Nobody wants me like this.. I finally just told her the other week and she didn't even blink. I had kept saying I have something yo tell you for months, but think it may be too soon and not over text or phone... So I had built all this cliff hanger up in her and when I told her she was like: gurlll.. I thought you were gonna tell me you had a sex change or something the way you were acting.. That is not a big deal, so many people have it. I have two friends who had it and their husbands didn't and still married them. I have the urge to tell another friend, but I don't think I should. So I get it.. It is us looking for external validation and we have got to knock that off. I will tell you what positive effect it has on my life getting this.

      I was an over sharer w men and tell all bad upfront, because I was a self sabotaged.. She. It scarea them off, yjeb we can say to ourselves.. See? See? I knew theydtleave, they're all like this. We create what we dear most w anxiety. So now, I dated a guy and stressed about the time to tell him, which was stupid, because yiu shouldn't worry about it till you get to a point you feel positive this is a person I'm going to have a committed relationship w. Well this forced me to not over share and tell all my bad upfront. For the first time in my life, I found myself holding back and someone pushing for more info from me and him being an over sharer.. I now understood what I was like to others and I must have been so intense. Now this allowed me to focus in his character and if we would be a good match together, instead of getting lost in chemistry (as chemistry doesn't mean someone is a good fit for you) and/or list, which is when yiu start making excuses for people and ignoring red flags. So ultimately it forced me to have boundaries I knew I needed, but didn't know how to enforce. I fretted and felt he wouldn't accept it all for nothing, as eventually I broke it off and realized he wasn't a good fit for me. So coukd you imagine me subjecting myself to possible rejection and sharing personal info w someone who didn't deserve it, to only find I don't even want to be w them? Yeah.. No.. Better to take your time. Don't focyston dating right now, cause yiu will be sick w anxiety and obsessing over this. Wait until yiu have accepted it yourself. Funny how it seems to have also forced me to realize I deserve so much better than I was ever giving myself before in a man. This still sux, don't get me wrong, but I can't change it. Reach out to me whenever yiu need me and yiu didn't overreact. There is no such thing and if anyone tells you different, that's a bad friend and yih need to get rid of them. I actually had to.. She expected me to act like it was no big deal and acted like I was a baby right after it happened.. I was like take a hike! You have the right to feel what yiu feel and grieve for a period.. But know that yiu can't let yourself stay there... Yiu can do this.. If I can.. So can you. I go to this site and answer every post since I joined because of what I went through and how alone I felt. I want others to know that this feeling will pass and yiu will realize life goes on as normal, though it doesn't feel like it now.

    • chastity123
      chastity123 feelbroken

      Posted

      You're really amazing.I actually do feel a lot better.I think before I spoke to you I would have just settled for anyone willing to show me some attention but now I do feel like I'm still worth something.I will be happier to keep my secret in future and if I meet someone in time all good.x I'm sorry you had to go through this too but you are very special and as bad as it sounds I'm relieved you did because I'd have still been lost without you xx
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken chastity123

      Posted

      Aww... That was so sweet, thank you so much. I'm happy it helped you. I'm also very well educated on the disease, so feel free to ask me anything. When I I say well educated, I mean I spent 5months, hrs every week scouring documents, downloading medical PDFs and reading case studies. Real stuff medical personnel use, not medical websites... See? My anxiety became so obsessive about it, I couldn't stop doing research constantly, until I felt I exhuasted every measure, short of visiting an infectious disease doctor who specializes in it and a virologist.. Lol.. Yes.. I get that bad. People always tell me I missed my profession as a doctor.. Anyway... There is a private messaging feature on here. Feel free to hit me up anytime if yiu want more privacy. I will be here. And good job on the quick turn around, that is impressive... I continued to be in a bad place, hut I also knew I just needed time. So you canbtuen around a lot faster than I could and that in itself, speaks for itself. smile
    • TryKeepSmiling
      TryKeepSmiling feelbroken

      Posted

      Can you please look at my reply to chastity123 and give me any advice please. 
    • feelbroken
      feelbroken TryKeepSmiling

      Posted

      Just saw this. 1. We need to identify what you do in your daily life and diet, that may be contributing to your obs. Do you drink coffee and/or sugary drinks? This will cause obs. 2. A fairly Sugary diet at all will contribute to it. 3. I break outs before my period or during, even on meds. I may not see anything on the outside, but I break out on the inside and I'll know, because by the second or third day I have pain inserting and removing tampons. 4. When having obs or just utxhy, take as many got baths w Epsom salt as you can. 5. take daily lysine supplements at 1000mlgs a day and 3000mlgs during obs. 6. I take 3xs the daily recommened daily does of vitamin c. 7. I also take 2xsbyhe daily does of zinc. 8. Eating pineapple daily is supposed to help. 9. I will be trying coconut oil at some point. 10. If you're experiencing a lot of pain from sores, the whole keep sores dry is bogus to me. They heal when the virus subsides, not cause they dry and when dry, they are more painful. I have found putting Vaseline on them when I will be moving around a lot, helps minimize the pain, because there's not as much friction now..

      Let me know if yiu have any other questions. But so your best to let yourself have air at night

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