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ive been going through depression and a series of bipolar phases during the past 8 to 9 months. i used to be an active fit and happy person but following a break up from a 2 year relationship i fell into a pit. i would cry when i should laugh and laugh when i should cry. i didnt want to go out in public because the tears would come at any time. so i started coming alive at night, id be up all night and asleep all morning. i started talking to my self seeking comfort in myself as i have and had no friends and it was my only option. i searched my symptoms and just matured with my situation with self help, finding alternatives to being alone, adding something when another was subtracted over the distraught 8 months, the person i added to my life stalked me would mentally abuse me even more onto how i was and still tries to. i started speaking to my ex again for the past few months and i can say im kind of happy again.
but the uncontrollable waves of unhapiness i get eats me away. i just feel down and i cant help it or do anything to change it. i was at the gym today and i had house music in my ears and i felt like i had no energy no motivation just so down i had to leave and i cried on my way home.
i used to get so paranoid, hate myself, i get easily scared with the smallest unexpected simple 'boo.' so many more things when i try to think, my mind blocks me.
i can feel the pain of it i just cant remember.
i dont remember much from the past 8 months, only a few major events maybe 4/5. i dont remember 2014, 13,12,11 or 10 or any i could merely tell you a few events from each year, id probably get that wrong. i think things that happened 3 months ago happened 2 weeks ago. i feel as though im slowly forgetting, or my memembering side of my brain has completly blocked access from me, so ive started to write a little diary type thing of my feelings and a few activities, incase i do ever completly forget.
i used to be normal.
i can act normal, but it hurts when im alone.
the fatigue and tired eyes ive gained have drowned my face away i dont look the same anymore, it makes me embarassed to go out, even though i get told im pretty im not satisfied with myself so i dont, on my happy days ill treat myself.
i just feel so down and so helpless, i just want to be happy again
im not registered to a gp, but i need some sort of medication. at one point last summer i think, i rang 111 during an uncontrolable cry, and he advised me to go a&e, when i went they only said therse nothing they can do for mental issues so i just left. i dont know what to do, i dont have correct documents for the gp yet, i was born in the uk and im full legal just the documents are unavailable, im not sure where to go from here because im sick of it, walk in gp? any advice?
has anyone else been through this or similair
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